


Renewal

by CyelaBird



Category: Bucky - Fandom, Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Winter Solider - Fandom
Genre: Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Remembers, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Eventual Sex, F/M, Heartbreak, Major Original Character(s), Marvel Universe, Mentions of Rape, Mild Language, Protective Bucky Barnes, Romance, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-07
Updated: 2015-06-12
Packaged: 2018-02-20 07:30:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 44,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2420273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CyelaBird/pseuds/CyelaBird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a surprise encounter in your own apartment with the notorious Winter Soldier, your life turns upside down. Whilst trying to save your own life as well as Bucky's, you quickly develop feelings for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Morning ritual

          Your eyes flutter open, and you look out the window to see the sun hasn't quite risen yet. You look at your alarm clock and its 5:32 a.m. _Perfect, I got a whole two hours of sleep_ , you think to yourself while mentally rolling your eyes. At least today was a Saturday and you were off work. You felt like the weekend couldn't have came any slower, for your work days were task full and relentless, leaving you feeling drained and empty come the day’s end. You hoped for something new, yearned for change because the “same old, same old” just wasn’t cutting it any more.

         “Uuuuhhhhh.” You swing your legs off the bed, knowing that you wouldn’t fall back to sleep as hoped. You had problems sleeping lately and tried every remedy including: Melatonin, soft music, comfier mattress, ear plugs…but nothing worked. You stretched your arms high above your head and arched your back, hearing little pops and making weird, animalistic noises before you stood up. Then you slowly treaded to the bathroom and turned on the light, making you blind for a brief second and then looked at the mirror.

         You studied yourself; you had _____ hair and ______eyes. You never saw yourself as really ugly, but you were still insecure as ever. You drew out a breath before you started to wash your face and brush your teeth. You decided you wanted to go out today, maybe to the café to grab some coffee and read a book. _Why do that when you can make yourself coffee here and just read on your bed?_ Yeah maybe something different. You had trouble thinking of things you actually wanted to do and gave up on the idea of going out. Were you were depressed? That would explain the sleep deprivation. You shrugged.

         It was pretty chilly as you stepped out on the balcony of your apartment, so you ran inside and grabbed a comfy sweater and threw on some sweats. You went back on the balcony and smelled the air, so crisp and fresh. It smelled of pine trees and rain, your absolute favorite. You sat there in pure silence, enjoying this moment of repose when you heard a knocking at the door. Actually it was more like three loud bangs. You took a look at the clock before rushing to the door, it was 6:07 a.m. _Who the hell is knocking at my door this early?_

         You looked through the peephole of your door and saw nobody. “What the hell?” You say quietly. You unlock the door and step out, scanning the area. Nobody. It was probably some obnoxious teens. Just to be sure you close your door behind you and begin to walk down the apartment complex and then towards your mailbox. It was empty, so you slowly made your way back to your door while enjoying the picturesque sunset. It looked as though the sky was on fire. There were hues of purple, red and orange dancing among the clouds from yesterday’s rain.

         You weren’t paying much attention to where you were walking and ended up at your apartment faster than you anticipated. You sighed before opening the door and then locking it behind you once inside. After your stomach made a series of whale noises, you decided it was time to eat and headed for your small, yet sustainable kitchen. Just then you heard a soft thump come from your room. You swirled around and tried to listen for anymore thumps to ensure you weren’t loosing it. BANG, you heard an even louder crash a couple seconds later and heat began to rise up your chest and goose bumps appear on your skin. _Fuck, what do I do?!_

         Grabbing a large kitchen knife, you slowly made your way to your room. Cautiously, you peered into the room to see your mattress completely torn off your bed, the picture above your T.V had fallen and a few books off your book shelf were on the floor. You were shocked, stunned. You had no clue who or what was in your apartment but you were definitely scared shitless. _Just act tough, come on (y/n), don’t be a baby!_ You mentally scolded yourself.

         One step, another step…you were so shook that you could hear your heartbeat racing. Just then, your door slammed shut and you spun around to see a man standing there. Before you could even blink, he had pinned you onto your bed while taking the knife you had and holding it against your throat. “STOP! Please! What are you doing?!!” You yell. He pressed the knife deeper into your skin, making you whimper. After a few long seconds, he lessened his grip and threw the knife across the floor. You sprang up and curled yourself into the corner of the room staring at the attacker.

         He had dark brown, shoulder’s length hair that feathered in front of his face. He had piercing blue eyes. They were staring straight at you and you began to fidget under his glare. He flexed, and then your eyes wandered on his…Holy crap. Metal arm? You knew exactly who he was. It was all over the news “Capitan America and mysterious man with a metal arm seen falling from the sky…” Your eyes wandered back onto his. He wasn’t glaring anymore; he looked as if he were waiting for a response.

         “Bucky?” you say quietly. The man flinches and then runs his metal fingers through his hair in aggravation before yelling, “I’M NOT BUCKY!” _Great, A+ response, you idiot_ , you scold yourself. You sat silently, waiting for him to calm down. Then the man completely doubled over, as if he’d been shot, and fell to the ground. You sprang up and watched as his hands covered his face and muffled cries came from him. Is he crying? You can’t help but feel your maternal instincts take over and rush over to his side and lightly touch his arm. He flinched, then moved away from you saying, “Don’t touch me, I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want this…this…I don’t want…” his voice broke off and he hung his head in his lap, defeated.


	2. Remembering

            Your heart lurched for him, for Bucky. Being as stubborn as you were, you disregarded his command and moved closer. You slowly placed your hand on his shoulder. He tensed for a second but then fell limp, and turned his head to you. He was searching you, looking for something in your expression so you gave a reassuring smile, not too warm but enough for him to realize that you were trying to console him. “Why are you being kind to me? I almost killed you.” He said bluntly. You honestly didn’t have an answer. What could you say? You removed your hand from his shoulder and his gaze broke to watch your hand lay on your lap. He started at your hand for what seemed like minutes before he reached for them.

            The sudden movement made you jump and the chill of his metal hand caused goose bumps to re-appear but you kept your poise. He turned your hand over, palms down, and brought them to his cheek. He closed his eyes and sighed before letting go. “Are you alright?” You say automatically. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to sneak in here…I just…I’m just.” He seemed to have trouble putting words together so you finished for him, “You’re lost.” He looked into your eyes and you could see so much pain reflected in them. “I’m close with S.H.I.E.L.D, so I have some access to Intel. I’ve read about you…” you looked around the room again and then back at him. “Why don’t we go to the kitchen and grab something to eat, then we can talk about….this” you say quietly as you waved your hand towards your destroyed bedroom.

            The amount of confusion on his face was priceless. “You know, eat, like food.” You try to lighten the mood. He looks absolutely bewildered and he opens his mouth to say something but them furrows his brows and just shakes his head. “You’re not hungry?” You waited for an answer and when one didn’t surface, you impatiently got up and he immediately grabbed your hand. “No, I am. I’m sorry. I just don’t understand how you could be treating me so…so…nice after…”

“I’m not one to hold grudges” you say nonchalantly.

“But I could’ve killed you.”

“Yeah, but you didn’t. Look, I know what happened to you. I know what those terrible people did to you. I’m not them; I won’t hurt you. Let me help you.

“I’m a MONSTER! I’ve killed dozens, maybe even hundreds of people! I’m an assassin, a trained murder...why would you help someone like me?”

“Because the real you, is a good man. The real you, Bucky, is not an assassin. Don’t take credit for what those assholes MADE you do. None of that was ever your fault.”

            He let go of your hand, finally, and stood up. He towered over you, and you began to realize just how gorgeous this man was. His icy, pain stricken gaze softened and he stared into your eyes as if he was searching for your soul. “My intentions were not to harm you, nor your apartment. I will…” he looked around your room, surveying the mess, “I’ll clean it up, before I leave.” Before you could say something, he gave you guilty smile and flashed his pearly whites. You returned the smile and then waved away his offer, “Let’s eat first, come on.”

            _When was the last time this guy had a decent breakfast?_ You pulled out a few eggs, a package of bacon and some potatoes to make hash browns. _I don’t mind showing off my culinary skills._ As you were cracking eggs over a bowl, you saw Bucky standing by the fridge in your peripheral vision. He was stiff and hardly looked like he was breathing. You turned to look at him and he was staring at you. “You can sit at the table if you like, or the couch. Whatever is comfortable.” His eyes grew wide and you thought you saw him blush a little. He quickly made his way towards the table and began to stare at his metal arm, diverting his gaze. You smiled and continued to cook.

            You set a heavily filled plate of food in front of him with a cup of coffee and sat down across from him. His eyes light up at the arrangement and then shifted his gaze to you, “Thank you.” He smiles and then a look of confusion spreads across his face, “What is your name?” The question surprises you, usually that’s the first thing exchanged in conversation. “My name is (y/n).”

             “(Y/n)?” he scoops a bite of food into his mouth and makes a moaning sound, “I like that name, it’s a good one.” You try your hardest not to laugh, he seems to be enjoying the meal as he stuffs his face and finishes in almost record breaking time. “Would you like some more?” you say with a subtle laugh. He smiles and takes a sip of his coffee, “No, I’m full. Thank you.” You get up and take his plate to the sink and start to clean up when you feel warmth next to you. You turn your head to the side to see Bucky peering down at you, “I…um, was wondering if you could help me…?"

You turn off the sink and turn around, “Remember your past?”

“Y-yes, because you have information regarding me, right?”

“I do, and I will help you. But first, you should go get cleaned up.”

     His face turns red and you realize it might have sounded like you meant he stunk. “Not that you need one. I just figured that before we dive into this, you might want to relax and…” He smiles shyly, and nods his head. You show him to the bathroom and all your toiletries before closing the door and giving him privacy. Next, you head to your closet to find anything he might be able to wear.  _Didn't I have extra clothes from when my brother stayed here with me?_ Yes, you saw a brown duffle bag belonging to your brother tucked in the back of your closet. You found a few pairs of jeans, socks, boxers, t-shirts and a jacket. “Perfect.” After placing the duffle bag on your bed next to the bathroom, you grabbed your laptop from the couch and clicked on a few files including a brief description of “James Buchanan Barnes” from the Smithsonian website.

                                                                                             .

                                                                                             .

                                                                                             .

            “Hey, um, I don’t know how to turn it off.” His voice makes you jump and you realized you had been fully immersed in the files. You turn around to see him in a grey, chest hugging t-shirt and perfectly fitting jeans. You couldn’t resist, and kept gawking at his perfectly sculpted abs pushing through the t-shirt fabric. His arm, the metal-less one, was perfectly toned…his hair was wet and then you met his ocean blue, seductive eyes. He cleared his throat and scratched the back of his head and said “Um, are you okay?” You could feel yourself blush and you replied a bit too fast “Yes! Sorry, I was just thankful the clothes fit. Did you say you didn’t know how to turn the shower off?” He laughed a bit, “Yeah.”

            _Post-master assassin and he can’t figure out how to turn the shower off?_ Laughing to yourself, you made your way to the bathroom, turning the water off, and then back to the living room. When you came back you found Bucky sitting over your scribbled notes. “Oh, I was writing down all the important things…” He cut you off, “We used to live together, he would always be getting into trouble and he was my best friend…he, Steve…” Realizing he had read the part about Steve Rogers you had scribbled out, you reached out to touch his shoulder.

            The sat there, reading your notes for 5 minutes before he suddenly grabbed his head and slammed his fist into your laptop, shattering the screen into pieces. He sprang out of the chair and backed himself into a corner where he crumbled into a ball and held his head fiercely. He stated to rock back and forth and you shuffled towards him cautiously. “Bucky?” No answer. “Bucky, are you alright? Does your head hurt?” you say a bit too desperately. He looks up at you with red rimmed eyes and says, “I remember, (y/n). I remember everything. What they did to me, the pain, who I killed, Steve…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How you liking it so far? Let me know in the comments sections, for its my first fanfic I've ever made.


	3. Rest

           Without a moment’s hesitation, you grab him and hold him in your arms. He tries to push you away from him but you tighten your embrace and he stops. He lets out a breath and wraps his arms around you in return. You take one hand and rub it up and down his back and the other massaging the back of his head to relieve the pain. He lays his head on your shoulder and holds you closer. _He probably hasn’t felt affection in a long time._ “(Y/n), I’m glad I found you” he says quietly into your shoulder. You back out of the embrace and grab both sides of his face, “I’m glad you found me too.” You placed a kiss on his forehead and stood up, heading for the medicine cabinet to get some pain reliever. Unknowingly, he started to follow you into your bathroom. You handed him the pills, which he took without any water and then you motioned for him onto your bed.

            He looked at you confusingly and you picked up a few books off the floor as you made your way to your side of the bed. You adjusted the mattress and climbed under the comforter, patting the space next to you. He quickly moved the sheets and got under them with you, as you grabbed the remote control and flicked through the channels. His eyes grew wide in amazement as he stared at the screen and you settled on Twilight. You didn’t particularly want to watch it but when you were about to change the channel again, Bucky grabbed your hand and said, “Wait, he’s a monster?”

“No, he’s a vampire.”

“But, he said that he killed people…” He started intently at the scene.

“That was before he decided to only kill animals.”

“She still loves him, even though he killed people?”

            He looks up at you and you realize the correlation he is making. Grabbing his hand you say, “Yes, disregarding his past. He’s a good person now. She knows that he won’t hurt her and she trusts him.” He smiles back and you and gazes at your hand, “He loves her because she is kind to him even though he is monster, he loves her because she understands him.”

            After hours of watching T.V all day, and getting meals in between movies, you both get ready for bed. You see Bucky exit out of the bathroom in only sweats, revealing his god-like chest. He makes his way towards the couch and you say, “Why don’t I take the couch tonight, you deserve a good night’s sleep.” He turns around and says matter-of-factly, “So do you.”

“No, I don’t get adequate sleep anyways” you smile, “besides I’ll be fine.”

            He moves closer to you and picks you up, off the ground and lays you down on your side of the bed. Then he moves over on the opposite side and slides under the covers, facing you. “Then, I’ll stay here with you for tonight.” He grabs your hands under the covers. You blushed and couldn’t comprehend exactly what happened. “Are you sure, Bucky?” He smiles and inches closer to you until he wraps his arms around your body, provoking chills, and pulling you into his chest. Holding your breath you think, Oh _my gosh, this isn’t happening._ He places a soft kiss on your forehead and mumbles “Yes, I’m sure. Goodnight (y/n).” For the first time in months, you had fallen sound asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made this chapter rather short, and the next chapter will be the same. There's a surprise in store for you...ehehe.


	4. Nightmares

           There are explosions all around you, screeching of metal and the smells of various fumes fill the air. Your head is throbbing, every pulse making it harder and harder to concentrate on your mission. Every time you blink, white flashes across your lids and the pain is deafening. _Finish your mission._ You stumble towards him, your target. “Your name is James Buchanan Barnes!” White heat flashes and sends pain scalding your head. You cringe and deliver a blow, as if his words had caused the pain. “NO ITS NOT!” You scream loudly at him. After wrestling with him, you find a way on top of him and he persists with the lies. “You’re my friend”, he says with a busted lip. “You’re my mission” you growl before he says something that makes your head ignite. “Then finish it, cuz I’m with you till the end of the line.” Every neuron in your brain sends electricity, almost blinding you. The pain is inevitable and you heave. You begin to deliver deadly blows until you stop and try to blink away the pain. When you open your eyes again, your target is gone and replaced with…her. (Y/n) is lying under you, bloodied and bruised, provoking you, “Finish your mission, Bucky.”

            You lurch forward in the bed, and sit up. Grabbing the sheets, you realize it was just a nightmare. There are sweat beads all over your body and your regular hand is shaking. You look to your right to see (y/n) still fast asleep. Heartbeat slowing, you push a strand of hair out of her face and gaze down at her. She is so beautiful. _Her soul is even more beautiful_. You didn’t know what to make of these emotions accumulating in you. In fact, they have taken over you. You were supposed to be ambiguous, emotionless, and stiff. Yet, here you are falling for this woman whom you just met. _Am I falling in love?_ The thought made you sick; it would be selfish of me to love someone as fragile as her. I could hurt her.

            I can’t stay here forever; she cannot develop feelings for me as I have done for her. My existence can put her in danger. You begin to remember the last bit of your nightmare and grip the sheet next to you harder. _I must leave._ Your heart dropped, but you knew that it was the right thing to do. _For her sake, to ensure her safety._ The clock read 3:27 A.M as you stealthily climbed out of bed. You pushed a pillow close to (y/n) so the lack of your warmth wouldn’t wake her.

                                                                                              .

                                                                                              .

                                                                                              .

             The air outside seemed less refreshing as it did when you first arrived, you had no clue where you were going but decided that far away was the plan. Using your stealth, you hid in every shadow and never made a sound as you exited the complex. With every mile you had drifted further from her, your heat stooped lower. Missing her will be inevitable, because deep down you loved her.


	5. Paying a visit

           You awoke to the buzzing of your phone on your nightstand. After picking it up you realized it was your brother, Tony.

“Hello?” You said restlessly.

“Yeah, hey. Um first off, why the hell were you sneaking through S.H.I.E.L.D Intel yesterday and second off, is it just me or do you never call? You know, I feel lonely sometimes too and Jarvis…”

You cut him off, “Haha, I miss you too Tony.” How’s everything at the magnificent Stark Tower?”

“Ha. Ha. Ha” he says sarcastically, “It’s still being re-built. Oh by the way, you’re bad at avoiding questions. Why, were you sneaking through S.H.I.E.L.D Intel? Do you know how much trouble I would be in if they knew I had given someone outside of their stupid cult information?”

You bite your lip, _Should I tell him?_ “Umm, well I was just doing it for the sake of knowledge. You know, I was bored per usual.”

“For God’s sake your only blood related to me, of course I don’t know you’re lying and trying to sound as smart as I am.”

“Oh shut up, I’m serious.”

“Right, is that why you were specifically looking for information under the name ‘James Buchanan Barnes’?”

_Shit._ You look over your shoulder to peer at Bucky and then froze. You spring out of bed and frantically look through you apartment. “Hey, um I have to go…okay? It was great catching up, talk to you later!” You heard muffled curses before you hung up and started searching again. “Bucky?” you call out, hoping for a response. Nothing. You rush out your front door and look around the complex before giving up and heading back. _What happened to him? Is he okay?_ Million’s of questions and what-if’s swirl through your head as you sit down on your couch. You hang your head in your lap and sigh then see something in the corner of your eye. There’s a green sticky note plastered on your refrigerator.

            Practically tripping over your own feet, you reach the note that reads “Don’t worry about me, I’m okay. I won’t be coming back. Thank you for everything.” Ripping it of the fridge, you crinkle it in your hand. You can’t tell whether to feel abandoned or relieved. He left you, but he wasn’t taken. You lean against the fridge and slide down it until your bottom hits the floor. _Why do I feel so empty? We only met each other yesterday, together for only a single day…_ You sigh and sit there on the kitchen floor alone with your thoughts for an hour straight.

            Three loud knocks had pulled you from your trace and you almost sprinted towards the door. You didn’t bother to look through the peephole and swung the door open, hoping for it to be Bucky. Surprisingly, it was Tony standing there with a serious look plastered on his face. _Great now I’m in trouble._

            “Well, aren’t you going to give your big brother a hug?” Tony says without a smile. Well, it wasn't like you knew he was going to pay you a visit. After opening your door wider to let him in, he enters your apartment and looks to your dining room table. _Ah shit._ You never cleaned up the mess Bucky had created and watched as Tony went over to pick up a piece of your laptop. “Well, this is not going to be of any use to me, now is it?”

“Tony, I can…”

He interrupts you with a wave of his hand, “I don’t want any more lies. What the hell happened here?”

            You motion Tony over to your couch and sit next to him. “Yesterday morning, Buck- James Buchanan Barnes had snuck into my apartment. He was really distraught and I agreed to help him out, to help him remember.” Tony’s eyes wandered over towards the green note that was still crumbed in your hand. You handed it to him and he read it, brows furrowed.

“So you’re telling me that an unstable, master assassin had managed to sneak into your apartment and what? He asked you politely to help him? He obviously didn’t take a liking to your laptop.”

“No, I mean, he was emotionally distraught. He wasn’t very welcoming but he opened up, he remembered and now he’s…gone.” Everything felt empty again, your eyes wandered on your hands and Tony cleared his throat.

“Well,” Tony says standing up, “looks like you won’t be going through any more files. I better get going; Pepper and I have a little rendezvous.” He says wiggling his eyebrows.

“Wait, but what about Bucky? He’s alone and probably lost; Hydra might get him and wipe him again! Tony, we have to do something.”

“Woah there, slow your roll. You and “Bucky”, he says while doing air quotes, “are going to have to figure this out by yourselves. I could care less, unless he decides to blow up the Stark Tower or something.”

            You wanted to punch him, square in the face. He was so self-obsessed and you on the other hand had a heart of gold. “You’re such an ass-I can’t believe-“. You were cut off by the sound of three more knocks. Tony went to the door and snidely said “Maybe it’s your Prince Charming”

            As soon as Tony opened the door two large men with very intimidating guns pushed Tony aside. They closed the door behind them and peered at you with stone cold glares. “Where’s the solider.” The room fell silent and one of the larger men plucked you off the couch by your hair and brought his lips to your ear, “If you don’t tell me where he is, you and your little friend over there will be dead before you can even scream.” You grabbed at his hands to try and lessen his grip on your hair when Tony said “Um, in case you were too stupid to notice…” The men turned around to face him and saw he was standing with his arms and legs spread apart. Before anyone could react, a large object crashed through your kitchen window and latched itself onto your brother. Right before your eyes, he was standing in his Iron Man suit with his palm pointed towards the men, ready to fire. “I’m Iron man,” Tony finishes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How'd you like your little surprise? I thought adding a bit of suspense was over due, so here you go . (:


	6. Captured

            “Tony , DON’T SH-,” Too late. Tony fired at the man holding you in his grip before throwing a fatal blow at the other man standing closer to him. Running into your room to grab your baseball bat, you hear muffled groans and things falling over behind you. By the time you had sprinted back into what used to be your living room, there were two men sprawled out on the floor. You were horrified, not only because there were two men practically dead in your living room, but how the hell were you going to explain the gaping hole in your wall?! Not to mention the fact that Hydra, you assumed, are after Bucky!

            With bulging eyes and gaping mouth, you run over to Tony…of course your maternal instincts kicking in. “Are you hurt? Do you feel any pain? Do you need pain reliever? How are-.” Tony cut you off by placing one of his metal hands over your mouth and taking off his face mask. “No, no, no, and I didn’t catch the last part,” he smiled, “I’m fine.” You took a breath of relief too soon, for the newest problems began to weigh down on you all at once. When Tony started to register everything he took his hand off your mouth and said, “Hey, hey don’t get mad at me. I just saved your life. But, I think you’re right about finding your little cyborg lover.”

“First of all, he’s NOT my lover,” you say a bit too defensively, “and you’re one to speak, Terminator.”

“Nice, but mine was funnier. We got to get you out of here, obviously Hydra knows of your whereabouts and I can’t make fun of my sister if she’s captured, right?”

You roll your eyes at him, “How am I going to explain this…,” you say pointing at the hole in your wall, “to the apartment owner?”

“You won’t have to, remember, I’m Iron man. I can buy out this whole complex.”

“You idiot.”  You say playfully while shoving his arm.

“Yeah, let’s go.” He says while motioning for the door. You were confused. “What? It’s not like I flew here, car is parked by the building, hustle, hustle, hustle.”

            Tony is driving, playing some head banging metal song, and you are thinking about Bucky. Where is he? Had Hydra already captured him? _God, I pray he isn’t._ Without a moment’s notice, a huge thump came from the top of the car roof. Then a metal arm shot through the window next to you and ripped off the car door. “GET IN THE BACK SEAT!” Tony screamed at you. It was too late; right when you took your seatbelt off,  Bucky had swung from the roof and grabbed you before jumping off the car. Flailing through the air, you landed on top of him onto the back of a moving truck before you were pinned down and a cloth was pushed to your face. Slowly, you began to calm down. Your heart rate slowed, eyes blurred and you drifted into a hazy sleep.

            Gradually, you began to come to consciousness. Your eyes fluttered open and your head hurt. You tried to rub your temples to ease the pain, but you couldn’t move them. Looking down, you saw that you were bound by your legs and arms to a padded chair. It looked like you were in a dentist chair, except the tools that were placed next to you were a lot, scarier. Scanning the room, you saw two men in lab coats talking to each other until one of them noticed you were awake. “Well hello there, has sleeping beauty finally come to?” He says with a heavy Russian accent, and beams a flashlight into both of your eyes.

“W-where am I?” you manage to say.

“You’re in a secret Hydra Facility, my sweets. Today, you are our little lab rat.”

“What?” You couldn’t comprehend what he just said.

“You know, The Winter Solider showed a lot of resistance when we told him what we had in store for you. It was quite remarkable. Sadly, we couldn’t leave him in that state so we wiped him clean, again.” The man says this with a smirk.

“So careless of him to put you in this situation,” the second man said. “He knew there was a tracking device in his robotic masterpiece.”

“N-no, NO!” You say trying to break free from the chair. “YOU CANT!” Tears began to well up in your eyes. “He’s an innocent man! WHY WOULD YOU-“You were stopped short when a needle was pushed into your arm. You found yourself drifting into a sleep, again.

                                                                                                .

                                                                                                .

                                                                                                .

            You’re eyes were slowly opening and you realized, after looking around, that you were still bound to the chair. “Oh unfortunate timing, love.” You hear the same man laughing behind you and you stretch your head back to see him with a large syringe in his hand.

“Where’s Bucky?” You say with the most anger you could muster.

“Aren’t you worried at all of the experimentation you are going to endure?”

“Where.is. BUCKY?”  He moves closer and you spit towards his face.

“Oh you’re going to regret that.”

            Before you could attempt to spit again, he jammed the syringe into your arm forcefully, causing you to yelp. Instantly, your entire arm began to burn. You could feel every single cell in your body in flames. The fire spread, gradually, from your arm to your torso and then down your legs. You hadn’t realized you were screaming until your vocal cords started to strain. The man was staring down at you laughing, “Next time you might want to consider whom you spit upon.”

            Dripping in sweat and shaking violently, the pain stopped slowly. Your breathing was fast and your eyes were strained. Staring at the clock, you realized you had been in gut-wrenching pain for over two hours. You also realized the man had left the room when he swung open the door and stared at you, wide eyes and mouth agape. “H-How?” his eyes were trailing down your body, “You weren’t supposed to survive this, let alone endure it fully conscious.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what do you think? The story line took a really unexpected turn and it actually made things more interesting. I'm having so much fun writing this. Thanks for the Kudos, everyone! I'm trying to finish this story as fast as possible. (:


	7. Final Test

(In the perspective of the man in the lab coat)

            After realizing that the serum had worked, you rushed to the head scientist. You burst into the operating room where he was kneeling in front of The Winter Soldier, recalibrating his arm. “S-sir, there has been a breakthrough.” You opted to speak English, given there was nothing to hide because The Soldier already knew Russian. “Vladislav, I am working.”

“I-I know s-sir but she survived, fully conscious. In fact, it was success. A miracle. We had over a thousand trials before her and they all failed.” You thought you saw the Soldier shift in his seat.

“Vladislav, are you telling me the serum enhanced her?”

“Yes.”

            Immediately the head scientist stopped what he was doing and started for the door, handing another specialist his welder before heading towards the room where patient 1036 was held. He stopped right in front of her, checked her vitals and frantically wrote data on a clipboard. “What d-did you do to me?” the patient muttered wearily.

“My dear, your will to live is impressive. You have done what even the strongest of men failed to do so.” The scientist looked at her in awe.

“Live?”

“Yes, however, we must perform one last test to ensure the serum was truly successful”

            The glimmer in his eye sent chills down your back. He was an awful, disgusting being. Yet, any sign of retaliation from you could mean your life. “Vladislav, would you do the honors?” Your stomach churned. Walking towards the cabinets, you grabbed a scalpel and made your way hesitantly towards the patient. The head scientist looked expectantly at you and you almost broke out in a sweat. You carefully brought the scalpel down near the patient’s leg when a disapproving sound came from the scientist. You brought the scalpel to her abdomen when you heard approval.

            Realizing your intentions, the patient began to retaliate. Her voice was hoarse as she screamed a series of no’s and tried to pry from her bindings. _Just get it over with._ You brought the scalpel to her skin and sliced through her, creating a bloody line from the bottom of her ribcage to her hip bone. You assumed the cut was around a half inch to an inch deep. Screams tore from the patient’s mouth, causing her body to quiver and her wound to bleed profusely. If she didn’t heal quickly, she would die from blood loss. After about two minutes of hearing the patient groan in pain, the wound had ceased its flow and a new layer of skin slowly materialized over the gaping incision. “Magnificent” you uttered under your breath.


	8. Training

             All you wanted to do was sleep, for as long as possible. You were completely exhausted and had a massive migraine. The very last thing you needed was some ass-hat scientist to cut open your stomach to see if the experiment worked. However, seeing your skin regenerate was, well, crazy. What had they injected you with and why were you the only person to survive it?

            After the scientists had left, you were left alone in the room with your thoughts swirling in your head, making the migraine a bit worse. Thankfully, it disappeared after only 5 minutes. You cocked your head up as you heard the door swing open and a short woman with five other men accompanying her had entered. Without a word, they had cut your binds and placed you in chains. It was then you realized your physical change.

            There was a large mirror, more than likely a double sided one used for interrogations, at the far end of the room. You studied yourself and inhaled at the change of your form. Your legs were toned out and defined. Your arms had enough muscle to still look feminine but they were clearly defined, as well. You abdomen was sculpted, waist was thinner and butt was even bigger. Your hair was longer and shiner, eyes brighter and you felt everything. Smelling the air, you could tell what type of perfume the woman was wearing and she wasn’t even near you. Looking to the side, it seemed your peripheral vision had almost extended and you could see everything. Your senses were heightened.

            Forgetting you had started walking with the woman and her bodyguards, she had led you to a cell. There was a small twin bed, a sink and a toilet. The cell was filthy, and you almost heaved when you sniffed the rancid air. “What are you going to do with me?” you ask.

“You are assigned to this cell until further notice, training begins at 5 a.m.”

“Training? What am I training for? Where’s Bucky?” you ask desperately.

“Classified.”

            You were suddenly pushed into the cell and the door was locked behind you. There’s no way they expect me to train with them. You sank to the floor and grabbed your knees, and for the first time in a while, you just cried your heart out. You cried until there were no more tears and then lifted your head up. “Drip,Drip,Drip.” The sink had a leak and you could hear every repetitive drop. Suddenly, the lights went out. Obviously, it was an indication that it was time for bed and instead of lying down; you sat there in a ball and slept on the cold, hard ground.

.

.

.

            “Hey! Get up.” The rattling of the cell bars made you spring off the floor due to your heightened state.  Looking around frantically you saw none other than Bucky sliding his metal arm across the bars. “Bucky! Bucky are you okay?” His icy, hard glare made you take a few steps back, “I don’t know you and my name isn’t Bucky. Get ready, training begins in five minutes.” Back turned on you, he walked away leaving you speechless. You ran to your sink and gripped the sides, trying your hardest not to break it.

            Anger was eminent, your blood was boiling. _Breathe. Calm down._ Slowing your breathing, you washed your face and gargled water. By the time you finished, the cell door was opened and a man with a gun was standing there motioning you to follow him. He handed you a black tank top and sweats before heading towards a door at the far end of the building. “Put these on and then enter the next door, training ends at 3 p.m.” _Three? That’s a whole ten hours!_  

            Without protest, you entered the room and changed, then went through the other door. The place was rather small, not your ideal gym. It was poorly lit, smelled of sweat, and to top it off, a large rat scurried across the floor. There was a large mirror towards the back wall and another door adjacent to it. “How many freaking rooms do you need to work out?” you muttered to yourself. Making you jump you heard, “We are not working out, were training.” Looking through the mirror you say Bucky behind you, giving you an emotionless stare.

            Before you could say anything he swiped his leg. As if time had slowed, you jumped in the air and avoided his attempt to knock you to the ground. His eyebrow shot up. Next thing you knew, he was throwing punches and kicks left and right but you unexplainably dodged all of them. “Bucky, Stop!” You saw what looked like fear flash across his eyes, then anger replaced it. “I’m NOT BUCKY!” He punched again, this time, connecting to your jaw. You fell on the ground where he leaped on top of you and took out a blade.

            Whimpering, you shut your eyes. The blade never touched your skin and you could feel Bucky’s breath on your face. You opened your eyes and were met with his, dangerously close. Instead of anger, you saw confusion. His brows furrowed and he began to shake his head. “Bucky.”  You whispered his name and his eyes lit up, mouth parted and he jumped off of you. He looked at you and you could see his eyes getting foggy. His arm tensed and he suddenly exited the door adjacent to the mirror.

            You stood there, dumfounded for ten minutes before another man entered the room. He continued what Bucky left off and you trained relentlessly for 10 hours straight. Every night you would enter your cell, completely spent and dripping in sweat. You body was riddled in new bruises and lacerations. The training went on for a month straight and never once did you see Bucky again. _This is my new life. Training for Hydra._


	9. Escaped

           Today was the day, you decided. Today was the day you utilized your new skills to try and break yourself out of here. The guards had become well acquainted with you, as they didn’t see you as a threat. The whole month you kept yourself well behaved and never spoke out of line, giving you the element of surprise. You woke up naturally five minutes before training and stood at the cell door waiting for the guard, Seth, to come open it. “Morning, (y/n).”

“Morning, Seth. Find anything new for me to wear today?”

“You’re in luck.” He says while handing you a navy blue t-shirt, socks, combat boots, and training pants.”

“Wow, today must be a good day.” You say with a bit more enthusiasm than usual.

“Yeah, you ready.”

“Are you?”

            Seth looks at you in confusion before you spin on your heels, balancing yourself, and delivering a hard side-kick to his face. He was out cold, as you had intended. As quickly as possible, you grabbed his sub-machine gun strapped around his chest and muttered, “So sorry.”

            You knew the building like the back of your hand, having gone through the same hallways every day. Without a single noise, you made your way towards the east wing of the building. You stopped at the end of the hall and listened for anybody who may walk down it.

“Yes the Soldier has been very difficult lately, if fact we had to wipe him twice since he’s returned.”

“Is that so? I must take a look at the machine; there must be something wrong…”

“Oh no, we’ve done multiple tests. The machine is in perfect condition. We believe it’s the girl, he remembers her.”

            You heard enough, the thought that they had to wipe him again pissed you off more than anything. You jumped in front of the two men and knocked one out with your knee before holding your gun to the others head. “Don’t make a sound or your brain will be splattered all over these walls.” Of course, you were too chicken to do that. However the half-hearted threat worked and he obeyed. You walked him to the exit, where you used his fingerprint to open the door. As soon as it opened, you knocked him out with the butt of your gun and started running. You realized you were in a mountain when you sprinted straight into a wooded area. About half a minute before you ran past the forest lining, you heard sirens going off at the facility.

            _Hurry, hurry,hurry._ Your legs were like a horse powered engine, driving you at a remarkably fast pace. At least, that’s what you thought until your were yanked backwards by your hair and into the cold, forest floor. A metal arm was wrapped tightly around your throat and you tried to gasp for air. Bucky was wearing his full mask so you couldn’t meet his eyes, but you stared into his goggles.  Your vision was beginning to get blurry, as you were fading into unconsciousness. Suddenly the grip was released, leaving you gasping for air. “(Y/n)”

“Bu-ucky!” You manage to blurt out.

“Run. Now. If you don’t start running I’ll kill you.”

“No, please. Come with me!”

            He pointed his rifle at you, and placed his finger on the trigger. “Go.” He whispered the command and you took off, running and crying the same time.

 .

.

.

            The last thing you remember was tripping on an exposed tree root and falling down the steep forest hill. You sprang up, on a hospital bed. You started to get panicked and plucked the IV out of your arm before standing up. The door flew open and your brother, Tony, ran up to you and gave you a warm embrace. It felt awkward, your muscles tensed but then relaxed and you hugged him back.

“I was looking all over for you, I tried following the truck but they blew up my car…”

You stopped him short, “I’m glad you’re okay. You couldn’t have had better timing.”

“You were sleeping against a tree stump when we found you… I-“

You cut him off again “What? No, I tripped over a root and fell down the side of the mountain… Bucky….”

“Seriously? You are injected with super serum and your coordination is still bad?

“Bucky must’ve found me and placed me there…”

“Yeah. Speaking of Barnes, he owes me a new car. Also, were going to get him out of there. I called a few friends of mine to help, if you didn’t mind.”

“What? Wait, where are we first of all?”

“My pad, in the laboratory wing. The tower finished about a week ago. Anyways, let’s get you cleaned up, we have work to do.”

            A shower never sounded more appealing to you, especially your brothers pressurized, double stream shower head. Definitively beats being stripped by a female Hydra agent and doused with cold water with a bar of nasty soap. After feeling fully refreshed, Pepper had let you borrow some of her clothes and you made your way to the living room. “Wow, you really fixed up the place…” you said under your breath. After marveling at the remodeling, you realized who was sitting on the sofa.

            Right before your eyes was Captain America, staring up at you before he stood up and offered you his hand. “It’s nice to meet you, I’m Steve Rogers.”

“Hi, I’m (y/n).” You say taking his hand and smiling.

            His eyes trail up your arm and he gives you an apologetic look. “It’s just different, seeing the effects of the serum on a…woman.”

You blush, “Yeah, it’s definitively taking some time to get used to.”

“So you know where Bucky is?” He says desperately.

“Yes, he’s in a Hydra Facility in the mountains somewhere north from here. Not too far, I believe, from where Tony found me.”

“I wouldn’t ask to put you back in the place you just escaped, but I need your help. I’m sure you want Bucky out of there as much as I do.”

“And whatever he does, I’m in.” The voice startles you. You turn around and are faced with none other than The Falcon. “Hi,” He says smiling, “I’m Sam.”

“Wow, nice to meet you. Um so where do we begin?” You say looking at both of them expectantly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, so the story definitively took an unexpected turn, I sort of surprised myself with the whole serum thing and including the Falcon. I figured that since CATWS ended with Steve and Sam looking for Bucky, I might as well include it here. I hope everyone is finding this story as amusing as it is for me, or this would kinda suck. Ha.


	10. Back Tracking

_I failed_. Your thoughts were betraying you, everything felt so wrong. The instructions were clear, kill her. Your body moved towards her, your arms strangled her but there was another man screaming in the back of your head. This man, he was distraught. He wanted to protect her, to touch and caress her wounds. No! You were the Winter Soldier and you MUST finish your mission.

            Upon stumbling over her limp body, you realized she had fallen down the mountain. You readied your knife and it was only centimeters away from her main artery before, _STOP. NO! Don’t hurt her, you can’t. YOU CAN’T!_ The knife flew from your hand and into a nearby shrub. “Why can’t I hurt you? Why do you mean so much to me?!” Slamming your fist into the ground you pick her up and carry her a few miles farther before laying her down by a tree stump.

            Before you could do anything else stupid, you ran. You didn’t go back to the facility for the man in the back of your head advised you not to. _Keep running_. Your legs picked up speed and soon you were sprinting, trees flying past you and nothing standing in your way. Stopping suddenly, you found a road and followed it to a nearby city.  The first house you saw was luckily empty and you rummaged through it to find clothes to disguise yourself.

            _Steve, (y/n)…._ What? Who’s St-. Your head started to burn. It was throbbing with so much intensity it caused you to cripple over and throw up. _Keep walking._ The pain was horrid, but you mustered your strength and kept trudging through the city. 20, maybe 30 miles you have walked in total before you reached a large white building. _Go in._ You snuck through security and walked through the building until you reached an area called “Captain America and The Howling Commandos.” _Stop. Read._ You obeyed and entered the dimmed room.

            Every word that you read had revealed bit’s and bit’s of your memory. Painfully chipping away at your brain, you couldn’t take the pain any longer. After reading about “James Buchanan Barnes” your head had started throbbing immensely, and you heaved. You ran towards the men’s lavatory and emptied yourself. Suddenly the pain stopped. Memories started flooding your head, drowning you in thoughts. Steve was your best friend, (y,n) was the woman you loved…and almost killed! Twice! “I am Bucky.”

            You exited the, thankfully, empty lavatory and snuck past security once more to take the streets. You needed to find (y/n) and you needed to find Steve.

            Who was that man in the car? You remembered pulling (y/n) out of a vehicle with another man. He had a metal suit and tried to pursue you in the air. It was almost as weird as seeing a computer for the first time. Maybe there would be clues in the city…but how could you ask someone about a flying metal man? They would think you were insane. _You are._

            Then something occurred to you, you remembered that they had placed a tracking device in your arm. _Wonderful._ You can’t go find them; it would be putting them at risk. What could you do? You had been walking for hours now, carelessly roaming the city and trying to rack up ideas. Every idea you had, always had the same outcome. Someone would get hurt. _But you have to protect her, you have to protect Steve too._ Hopeless, you finally stop walking and look around when another man bumps into you.

            Flipping around and twisting his arm behind his back, he yelps, “Aye man, I was on my phone, chill out.” You spin him around to look at him and your eyes light up. How come you know this guy? _Wings…Falcon._ “Hey, you- you’re that winter guy. B-Bucky, yeah. Oh man, Steve’s going to flip out.” The man pushes a few buttons on a device in his hand and brings it to his ear. You back up, not knowing what it was.

 “Hey, Steve. You won’t believe who I just bumped into….What?.....No man, I’m not playing with you… it’s your dude, Bucky…uh huh….okay…You want me to what?.....Steve!”

            The man dropped the phone into his pocket and said “Follow me.”

“Where?”

“I’m bringing you to your friend. You know, Steve?”

“I can’t, I have a tracking device in my arm…I can’t risk hurting them.”

“Hmm….uhh. If I tell you to stay at a hotel, would you listen to me or go all ghosts and disappear?”

“Yes.”

“Yes what? Man, come on I need you on my team. I’ll pay for the hotel but you owe me. We’ll get Stark and Steve over here and get that arm fixed up. Cool?”

“Yes.”

            The man takes you to a hotel where he rents you a room and he gives you the key. “Its B24, just take the stairs and unlock the door to that room. Clean up, do whatever. We’ll be back in half hour.” Just like that, he left and you climbed the stairs and found the door. The room was nice, and the bed looked soft. You made your way to the bathroom and took a look at yourself in the mirror. You are James Buchanan Barnes. Lurching your mind away from the thought, you looked at the shower. You definitively wouldn't mind cleaning up, if only your recalled how to turn it on. Smiling, you remembered when you showered at (y/n)'s apartment. She gently turned the dial to the right near the red and felt the water and turned it a bit more towards the blue. You mimicked the motion and smiled when the shower sputtered on and the perfect water temperature spewed out.  _Gosh, I miss her._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay tuned for more feels within the next chapters. (:


	11. Catching up

 

            “What? Seriously Sam, there’s no time for games right now….metal arm and all?....well we have to get him off the streets, this city is crawling with Hydra agents…..find a secluded area and take off on your wings or something, he needs to be here ASAP or better yet…just get him here okay?”

            You were listening intently on Steve and Sam’s conversation. You had sent Sam out earlier to go fetch some burgers to satiate you and Steve's ever demanding appetite. “He found Bucky.” Steve says breathlessly after he hung up the phone.

“What? Seriously? If I knew it was that easy to find a brainwashed-master assassin I wouldn’t needed all of this.” Tony says while showing us the table full of weapons and trinkets that we all had no clue about. You walk over to the one thing you did recognize, “Seriously Tony? A metal detector?”

“What? It was just for laughs.” He replies, pouting.

“Okay, so are we just waiting here, I assume, for Sam and Bucky to come back?”

Steve turns to you, “Yeah basically, I mean…it seems too easy. Why was he wandering the streets? He must have never gone back to the facility after your encounter with him.”

“If he’s still in the state he was in when he almost killed me” adding emphasis on kill, “then he wouldn’t just go with Sam.”

“Well he did remember enough to leave you alive, right?”

“That’s because of the connection we have, with Sam it will be much diff-“

“Connection?” Tony obviously caught you slip. Steve and Tony’s eyebrows both rise in synchronization.

“Um…yeah. We got real close while he was-“

“With you for a single day?” Steve questioned.

“Guys! We’re beside the point! This could be a trap; Hydra could be setting us up. Bucky has a track-“

            Cutting you off again you heard Jarvis interrupt, “My apologies, but Sam Wilson is at the door.”

“Let him in.” Tony replies, still eyeballing you.

            The elevator door opens and Sam comes rushing in, by himself.

 “Hey guys, your friend has a tracking device in his arm. I got a hotel for him and I figured we could take your little doo-dads and get it out. He’s there right now.”

            Without hesitation Tony rushes over to the table and grabs a few tools and other un-identified things, stuffing them into a bag.  
“Wait, how is he doing?” You ask, concerned.

“Oh he’s fine. He twisted my arm when I bumped into him, but we’re cool now.”

Steve looked at him confusingly, “He wasn’t, like, going crazy?”

“No, he just agreed with everything. He seems to have remembered because he was the one concerned about you and her when he realized he had the thing in his arm. But, we got to hurry; I don’t want to leave him there for long.”

            You, Sam, Steve and Tony arrived at the hotel and your heart was beating rapidly. Everyone followed Sam to the room, B24. Sam knocked and it took a while before the door slowly swung open, with Bucky staring at nobody but you. He stepped aside and let everyone in.

Steve was hesitant but he quietly said, “Hey Bucky.”

Bucky gazed up at him, his eyes began to water and he replied, “Steve.”

            The shaking of his voice broke your heart. Steve stepped closer to him and placed a hand on his shoulder, his own eyes beginning to water. “I”, realizing how high pitched his voice came out, he cleared his throat, “I missed you, jerk.”

“I missed you too.” He looked at the floor then back up at Steve before adding, “Idiot.”

            The exchange almost made you cry. Without hesitation, Steve grabbed Bucky and gave him an embrace. You noticed Bucky tense and then wrap his arms around Steve, closing his eyes. A single tear streamed down his face.”I’m so sorry” Bucky whispered into Steve’s shoulder.  After breaking the bear hug, Tony quickly rushed over to Bucky’s side where he ushered him to sit on the bed. After a series of curses left Tony’s mouth, he finally pried open the top portion of the arm and exclaimed “Finally!” Sam and Steve were busy informing Bucky on all the things he has missed out on. Deciding it was best to leave, you opened the door and made your way to the lobby. _You shouldn’t interlude on Steve and Bucky bonding time. They need each other right now._

            The lobby was nice, with large comfy chairs near a decorative fireplace. You threw yourself down into one of the chairs and a yawn escaped your mouth. Before you knew it, you had fallen asleep.

.

.

.

            “(Y/n), (Y/n) wake up.” You lurched forward and stood erect, in a defensive position before you realized it was only Steve. “Whoa, there.” He exclaimed with his arms in front of him. He gave you a re-assuring smile. “We’ve got to get out of here fast. Tony located the tracker and took it out.”

            The ride back to the Stark tower was very interesting. It was like you were riding with a bunch of teenage boys. First, Steve had cracked a joke towards Sam and then when Bucky, surprisingly, laughed way too hard, a joke war began. All four of the guys were laughing and playfully punching each other and you sat there dumbfounded. You have never seen Bucky or Tony smile and laugh this much. It truly warmed your heart, until Tony blurted “…yeah and then Romeo and Juliet with their little ‘connection’.” He made it worse by adding air quotes and pointing towards the back seat where you, Steve, and Bucky were seated. Your cheeks burst in flames and your eyes popped like a deer in the headlights. _I’m going to kill him for that._

Everyone looked at you, including Bucky.  Whatever the joke was about it must’ve been hilarious because Steve and Sam began cackling and it left you and Bucky stunned silent. The rest of the ride was rather uncomfortable but it wasn’t long until the car reached Stark Tower. You slammed the car door shut after getting out and glared at Tony who shot you an apologetic look. When you were about to follow him into the tower, your arm was pulled back and you spun around and met familiar ocean blue eyes. “(Y/n), I need to talk to you.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I'm sorry I've been gone so long. I'm currently writing more chapters. Thank you for the Kudos! Bless you all. (ehehe)


	12. As if the Stars Stopped Twinkling

            Steve and Sam were waiting for you but Bucky signaled them to follow Tony. Understanding, Steve wiggled his eyebrows and headed for the Tower. You rolled your eyes at him before meeting Bucky’s irresistible gaze. “Bucky, I’m sorry about what happened in the car.” His lips began to curve into a closed smile and his eyes wrinkled at the corners. “So you think we have a connection?” The question startled you and you began back-peddling.

“No, I…um…well you see, I only meant….” You begin to trail off as you try and find an answer that won’t make you look desperate or un-interested. Bucky grabbed you into a warm-whole hearted embrace and it made your cheeks blush and inhale sharply. “Y/n?” Bucky asked while still hugging you tightly.

“Yes, Bucky?” He backs out of the embrace and hold your arm out while he scans it.

“I never meant for this to happen to you. I would’ve never put you in harm’s way like this. The fact that I was so carless and basically lead them to you is even worse.” His eyes look back into yours and you could see pain and guilt drawn out in his puppy-eyed stare. Before you could speak again, he continued, “I was so selfish, I should’ve left sooner. But y/n, I couldn’t leave you. You had shown me affection when I was ready to kill you. You had shown me kindness, though I never deserved it. You had opened your home to me, despite the fact I nearly destroyed it. It was you who brought me back to reality and restored my humanity.”

            Completely taken aback by what he said, you just stood there, stuck on stupid. “B-Bucky?” was all you could muster up before you did something that was a bit too bold. You latched on to him and placed both hands on the side of his face before landing a soft kiss on his lips. His plump lips were soft like rose petals and the stubble on his face lightly scratched your skin, making goose bumps appear. His metal hand snaked around your waist and pulled the kiss deeper. His other hand made his way into your hair. Lips parting, he backed up and stared into your eyes. He smiled and dove in for another quick kiss before grabbing your hand and walking towards the Stark Tower.

            When you had reached the living room where everyone was seated, you and Bucky were in the spotlight. Noticing interlocked hands, Steve grew wide eyed and Sam gave a questioning look. You couldn’t even look at Tony. Feeling a bit childish, you tried to pry your hands away from Bucky’s but he tightened the grip and a smirk materialized on his face. “Well, well” Tony breaks the silence, “Given The Winter Soldier has lip gloss on his lips, I will make a fair deduction that you two made out.” Bucky reached up and wiped the gloss off his lips before dislodging his fingers from yours and placing an arm around your waist. “Yes, we did.”

            Bucky’s seemed a bit cocky, but you had to admit it was hot. You on the other hand were silently dying in a wave embarrassment. Steve and Sam were make suggestive hand gestures and all you wanted to do was smack both of them. Bucky hadn’t noticed but you picked up a pen on the nearby table and chucked it at Steve who dodged and laughed while throwing a pillow back at you. That was it. Picking up the pillow on the floor, you threw it at Sam and it hit him right on the face. “Oh really? What are we having a sleepover?” Tony says after seeing Sam ready to throw a pillow at you. “We have more important things to discuss, like how we are going to penetrate the Hydra Facility to ensure that those two lovebirds don’t get caught again.” Of course, Sam snorted when Tony said “Penetrate” and Steve made more suggestive gestures. Feeling Bucky’s arm get tighter around you, he said “I don’t want y/n involved in any of this. She’s been through enough already and there’s no way I’ll let her get near that damned facility again.”

            After arguing and trying to figure out a plan for hours, everyone finally compromised. “Alright so Sam, Steve and I will wait by the forest lining until Bucky gives the signal. Once Hydra comes to take him back into the building, we will attack and make sure Bucky makes it to the forest lining before we head into the facility.” Tony looks over the drawing that Bucky had provided of the building and then put it down before looking at you. “Then your boyfriend will come back to make sure you haven’t left to try and help us like I know damned well you will try to do.” 

“I swear if it takes Bucky longer than an hour to return, I will…”

“We’ll be fine. I promise you.” Steve gives you a promising look and grabs your hand, his childish ways wearing off. “Nobody will try to take you or Bucky again, if my life depends on it.”

            You squeeze his hand before letting go and give him a whole-hearted smile. “Well, tomorrow is the big day. I guess we should all retire early.”

“Ditto.” Tony says, while yawning.

.

.

.

 

            You and Pepper collect extra blankets and pillows, making sure Steve and Sam are comfortable in the guest bedrooms. Pepper gives you two extra pillows before saying, “Hey, I am grateful you are okay. Although we don’t talk much, I know how much you mean to Tony.”

“Thank you Pepper.” You give her a hug and then look at the two pillows.

“I don’t think I need extra pillows, I have enough in the room already.”

“They’re not for you.” She says giving a smirk before walking away.

            You looked up and Bucky was standing there, fresh out of the shower with a smile on his face. He had no shirt which made you marvel at his beautiful body. _Lord have mercy on me._ He strides over to you and picks you up, wedding style, making you yelp. Closing the door with his foot, he placed you carefully on the bed. He was so gentle with you, as he moved the covers over you and kissed you on the forehead. He made his way to his side, under the covers, and pulled you into his chest. Inhaling deeply, he began to whisper in your ear, “Y/n, there’s no one in this world I’d rather love more passionately, then you.”

            Your heart skipped a beat and you inhaled. _He loved you_. Heat rose in your chest and everything began to come together. As if the world has ceased its orbit around the sun, and the stars stopped twinkling, you had knew in that very moment that you loved him. You had loved him more than, seemingly, love itself. Everything about him pulled you closer, his smell, the way his skin brushes so softly against yours, and how his hair feathers around his face and illuminates his lurid gaze. You lusted after him, not his body, but after his existence. Everything he is, you wanted to be a part of, like an intimate mixture of you and Bucky. You wanted to evaporate before him, to be a part of the air he breathes and the oxygen that keeps him alive. He was, in that moment, the reason you were happy about every terrible thing that happened to you. You realized why the serum worked on you, why it never had worked on anybody else. Your drive to help Bucky, the need you felt in your heart for him had fueled your strength and very will to live. Because you would never leave him alone again, he would never feel lost again even if your very life depended on it.

“Bucky, I love you more than life itself.”

            That night you fell asleep, once more, in the arms of the man you loved and it had never come so easily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awe, I enjoyed writing the last bit. Again, thank you for the Kudos!


	13. Protection

            There is nothing more unsettling to you, than having to rip yourself away from (y/n) and return to that damned facility. The repercussion of not getting rid of the building was far more unsettling and it gave you the motivation to begin the day. You’re face was buried in (y/n’s) hair and arms were wrapped tight around her, spooning. The thought of loosing contact with her drove you insane. _I just want her in my arms forever._ The moment you had unwound your arms and lifted your head off the pillow, you instantly felt empty. She rustled a bit and began to reach behind her, for you.

            Before you could react, she had tossed over with her eyes wide open. Then she met your gaze and un-stiffened, giving a long sigh. “I thought you left already.” She said wearily. You gave her a re-assuring smile and leaned over the bed to plant a warm kiss on her lips. After, you began to run your fingers through her hair until she fell back asleep.

            You believed it may have been around 5 in the morning, for the sky wasn’t exactly dark, but the sun hadn’t risen yet. Walking down the hallway towards the kitchen, you almost ran into the door that suddenly swung open in front of you. “Jesus, Steve. Let me grab coffee before you try to knock me out.” Steve peered behind the door and his eyes grew wide while closing the door. “Ha-ha, sorry Bucky. Looks like our natural alarm clocks are synchronized.”

“Yeah, I blame it on the serum.”

“C’mon, let’s go grab coffee before Stark wakes up.”

“I heard that.” You look past Steve, down the hallway and see (y/n’s) brother standing there with his arms crossed. Steve flinches at the sound of his voice.

“Oh hey, we were just talking about how wonderful it would be to have a cup of Joe with you.” Steve says smiling. You give a little laugh.

            Nobody talked much as you sipped your coffee; it must’ve just been too early for that. The silence broke however, when Sam finally decided to join the party.  “Alright, who’s ready to go beat some ass?” Everybody slowly turns their head towards him, not saying anything. “Well, guess I’m the only morning person here.” Sam grabs a cup as well and joins the silence. After everyone seemed to have their caffeine fix, Tony asked you, “So I didn’t hear much action last night, I’m assuming my sister played hard to get?” Hiding your embarrassment, you put on the best façade you could muster and replied, “No, I didn’t attempt to…do anything.”

“Wow, I’m impressed. From the little show you put on yesterday I was sure that (y/n) was in for it.”

You heard Steve choke on his coffee.

“We. Didn’t. Do. Anything.” You fumed, bluntly.

“Alright, hey,” Tony said with his hands up, “I’m not complaining. It’s hard to believe we’re siblings because were complete opposites. I guess she’s just more reserved than I am.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, she’s not an intimate gal. Never had been, and apparently never will be.”

_Does that mean she’s never been with anybody before?_ Your brows furrowed and you tried to understand exactly what Tony was hinting you. “Okay, well, it’s time to suit up. We’ve got a big day ahead of us.” Steve chimed, adamantly avoiding the subject.

            Tony had driven everyone to the outskirts of town, where we had began to set out on foot. You wanted to calculate how much time it would take you to run from your current position to the facility so you just began running. Instead of protesting, Sam, Steve and Stark followed suit and it took exactly 43.54 minutes while lightly running to get to the facility. Everybody except you and Steve were winded. Waiting to catch their breath, we waited outside the forest lining to go over the plan.

            It was your time to shine now. You stepped out of the forest lining and slowly walked out into the open. It took only a single minute before the entire place was buzzing with the sound of alarms and armed Hydra responders. You dropped to your knees and surrendered with your hands in the air. Four really strong men rushed over to you and placed your hands in handcuffs. Just then, one of the men held open the building door as they dragged you towards it. _Time to give the signal._ Standing erect, you opened your hand and dropped a small, spherical bomb as you kept moving towards the door. _3,2,1._ The bomb went off behind you, sending men flying in all different directions and the men holding you to scurry towards the facility entrance. _Idiots._  You rushed towards the door and kicked a few responders out of the way before you noticed Steve running past you, holding open the door. Stark came behind you and melted the handcuffs while Sam ran past you, entering the building.

“We only have a few seconds before more of Hydra come for us. Time to get moving, solider.” Tony tells you before hoisting himself into the air and heading towards Sam and Steve’s extraction point. You spin on your heels and head for the forest lining, kicking up dirt as you sped. Your mind went blank and all you could think of is returning home, in (y/n’s) arms.

            It took you less time to reach Tony’s car, for you sprinted the entire way. You stopped a moment to catch your breath when you saw another car, parked beside Tony’s. You inhaled sharply. There was a Hydra logo plastered on the huge Jeep and Tony’s car had slashed tires.Alarms began ringing in your head and you ran towards Stark tower. Just as you had feared, there were two Hydra Jeeps parked out front with four men sitting in them.

            It took you little time to cut every one of their throats open, leaving them to bleed out in the parking lot. Nothing was stopping you now; it was them or… _No._ You pulled your mind away from the thought of (y/n) even getting a scratch. “There’s been a security breach, James Barnes.” You heard Jarvis and you replied, “I know. Where’s (y/n?)”

“On the fifth floor, sir. Should I call Mr. Stark?”

“Yeah, sure.” You say as you are already making your way for the stairs. Flying up them, you quickly reach the fifth floor and kick open the door. “(Y/N)?” You yell for her. Hearing a whimper in the corner of what appears to be a lab, you rush over. First, you see the unconscious bodies of three Hydra men. Without hesitation, you pull them over towards the balcony of the lab and hoist them over the edge. _They’ll never harm my girl again._ Rushing over to (y/n) you notice a lot of blood. She was bleeding profusely from her right side, had rope burn on her neck, and…her pants were torn off, leaving her in her underwear. “What did they do to you?!” You ask desperate as hell.

“It’s okay, I’m fine. I took care of them, my body will regenerate itself.” She replies a little too calmly.

            You take her torn pants and push it on her side, stopping the blood. Her face was emotionless. It scared you a bit and you lifted her body into your lap. Moans of pain escaped her mouth and you froze. “(Y/n), my girl, you took out three men twice the size of you.”

“Y-yeah, I know.”

“What did they do?”

“It doesn’t matter now, they’re dead.”

“Why are your pants torn?”

“Bucky, please.” Her eyes began to water and she buried her head into your shoulder. You ran your fingers through her hair and kissed her head, feeling heartbroken. You already knew what they attempted to do. The thought of it make you grit your teeth and you wished you would've waited until those perverts woke up so you could see the look on their face as you threw them off the building.

“I’ll never leave your side again. Ever. I’m so sorry.”

“Bucky, this isn’t your fault. Just imagine how worse it would be if I was my pre-serum self.”

“Shhh. I don’t want to even think of that. You’re never leaving my arms again.”

.

.

.

            The two of you sat there for what seemed like forever until you heard someone bursting into the room. Forgetting that Jarvis had called Tony, you steadily moved (y/n) back into the hidden corner and sprang to your feet.  You had ended up on top of the person with the knife pressed to their neck before you realized who it was. “Holy CRAP. It’s me!” Tony squeaked. Before you could try and move your way off of him, strong arms lifted you up and stood you on your feet. Breathing a heavy sigh of relief you gazed at Steve who stood there looking shocked.

“I’m sorry. I forgot Jarvis called you.” You really weren’t sorry, and without looking back at the men you rushed back over to (y/n) and picked her up in your arms.

“Hey, she needs medical attention Bucky.” Steve says, softly.

“No. Her body is regenerating. She’s staying right here.” You possessively wrap your arms around the sleeping (y/n) and cradle her body, planting kisses on her head.

            You hear Steve and Tony whispering to each other and you could care less of what they are saying. You knew you were being protective, but at this point…who wouldn’t? She was your life. Without her, you’d still be a confused, heartless, and empty. You kiss her some more, and move the hair out of her beautiful face. Steve and Tony leave the room and you push yourself against a wall, counting every breath that came from (y/n) until she awoke again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bucky is beginning to get a bit possessive, there. This entire chapter was un-intentional, like, I had no clue what I was going to write when I started typing. I hope you like it.


	14. Drinking the Night Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING : Although the contents in this Chapter aren't as explicit as some on the Archive, be prepared for mentions of Rape and Sexual content. Don't tell me I didn't warn you.

 

            Lazily, your eyes pried open, finding yourself on the floor in Bucky’s lap. He was wide awake, staring off into the distance with a grim expression plastered on his face. “Hey.” Bucky’s eyes flash down towards you and he smoothes the hair out of your face before placing a sweet kiss on the tip of your nose. You giggle a bit at his affectionate exchange, and grabbed the top of his head, fading into a deeper kiss. Pulling away after a while, he started examining your right side. He sighed a breath of relief and pulled your blood stained shirt down. Looking down, you noticed that you were still in your underwear and instantly your cheeks burst in flames. Trying to cover yourself, he realized what you were doing and stood up, scooping you in his arms.

“Bucky, I need my pants.”

“Is that really the only thing you’re worried about?”

“B-but, It’s embarrassing.”

            Rolling his eyes, he began walking at a very fast pace. “I can walk, Bucky.” He said nothing and made his way to an elevator where he gave you a questioning look.

“Um, do you know how to work this thing? I know that it takes you up faster than the stairs…”

            `Laughing at him, you push a button and get to the guest room floor. He continues to carry you into your bedroom where he put you down finally and leaves the room, closing the door. _Um, I guess I’ll go for a shower._ You head to the bathroom where you strip, and quickly wrap a towel over yourself when you hear the door swing open again. He opens the bathroom door and then recoils, seeing you in only a towel. “Shit, I’m sorry. I…uh…grabbed extra clothes from Pepper. They’re on the bed. I’ll wait for you in the living room.”

“Okay Bucky.” You open the door and peer at him and his eyes widen as he looks you up and down. “Thank you for everything. I love you.” He takes a while to respond but when he does, you can see it’s obviously uncomfortable for him. “Uh, ha. Yeah. I love you more.” He turns around and almost runs into the door, then cocks his head towards you and smiles before opening it and exiting. _I guess he’s never seen a girl in a towel before?_

            After a warm shower, you dry your hair and open the door. He grabbed you a T-shirt and sweats. Boy, he definitely knew you well. After throwing on the clothes, you head towards the living room and see all three guys arguing with each other. Steve and Tony had their arms crossed, standing across from Bucky who was vehemently explaining something. Sam was sitting on the couch, glaring at Bucky as well until he noticed you and cleared his throat. Everyone stopped and turned around. “What the hell is going on?”  


“Your over protective boyfriend is driving me insane, thats what.” Tony barked.

“She was fine! She regenerated completely; there was no way in hell I was going to leave her alone after that.” Bucky shot back at him.

“Yeah but had her wounds been internal, she would’ve died if they were severe enough.” Steve countered.

“They weren’t. I know all about wounds. I provided wounds for a living, REMEMBER?” Bucky said shakily.

            Sam walked over to you while the boys kept yelling at each other. “Hey, you okay?”

You smiled sweetly at him, “Yes, I am now. You?”

“I’m good. Just babysitting.” He says jokingly.

“How’d the mission go?”

“Great, if you were to go there now, it would be nothing but an old abandoned facility. We cleaned them out.”

            Breathing a sigh of relief you hug Sam, celebrating internally. He hugged back and then asked you, “What happened earlier that got homeboy over there so worked up?”

“Three men of Hydra showed up, they dragged me into the lab and tried to kill me. I took care of them.”

“You threw them off the balcony?” Sam asks, looking shocked.

“No, Bucky did that. I had been stabbed on the right side of my body, choked and…” You paused and looked up at him.

“And what?”

“They, um. They tried to…touch me and…”

Sam stops you and pulls you in for another hug. “I understand now. If I loved you as much as he does, I wouldn’t leave you either.”

            You divert your attention back to the boys who began screaming at each other, starting with Tony, “YOU HAVE NO DAMNED CLUE HOW HARD IT IS TO FIGHT IN A SUIT OF IRON!”

Bucky countered, “TRY LIVING WITH AN ARM THAT’S MADE OF IT FOR THE REMAINDER OF YOUR LIFE!” Bucky was fuming, and he ducked and rammed into Tony’s abdomen, pushing him into the couch. Steve tried prying him off but Bucky got in a few good punches before Steve was able to lift him off.

“JAMES BUCHANAN BARNES AND ANTHONY STARK!” You yelled, giving the death glare.

            Every man in that room looked at you, fearfully. Bucky placed his hands at his sides and Tony stood up crossing his arms. You began to scold them, “You guys are acting like children! First of all, you both are made of iron in some way, get over it. Secondly, Bucky shouldn’t be getting attacked for trying to protect me.”   
“But!” Tony and Steve said at the same time.   
“But nothing, those dudes tried to RAPE her. They didn’t just stab her and choke her. Imagine seeing that after promising to protect her, and love her?” Sam spat out, 100% done.

            Bucky fidgeted uncomfortably, Steve’s jaw was hanging open and Tony looked like he had just witnessed live birth.

 .

.

.

 

            Nobody apologized but everyone stopped arguing. Tony offered to order pizza and gave Bucky an apologetic look. Steve kept staring at you, and then furrowing his brows, obviously feeling guilty. Finally you spoke up, “We should watch a movie tonight. Just relax until things simmer down and return to normal.” Tony replied, “Sounds good to me, but I’m drinking tonight.” Steve gave an approving noise and Sam added, “I’m in.” You looked over at Bucky and he looked over to you, as if he was asking for your permission. “Fine, a few drinks sounds good.”

            Tony had stridden over to his mini bar and everyone seated there, making small talk. Steve warned Bucky and I before drinking, “Now, due to our metabolism, it takes significantly more alcohol to get buzzed.” Tony replied, “Old man, there’s enough alcohol here to get you drunk.” Tony had made a series of drinks ranging from cosmopolitans, martinis, and other drinks we never heard of like the “Adios Mother Fucker.” Bucky seemed to enjoy his straight from the bottle, and it took two whole bottles of liquor until he began slurring, stumbling and laughing. Everyone was practically drunk and you were content on being buzzed.

            Sam tried showing us his “back flips” and when he landed his perfectly and then tripped over a pillow on the floor, we all lost it.  Bucky attempted it and executed it perfectly, but then burped really loud after, causing us to laugh and cry. Steve showed me how to slow dance even though heavy rock music was playing in the background. Tony then took Sam’s hand and Bucky was dying hysterically at the bar. Pepper had just got home, from whatever her task full work day consisted of and had a few drinks herself. Then she grabbed Tony’s hand and said goodnight to everyone. Tony wriggled his eyebrows and followed her into their bedroom. We all started laughing a bit more, making fun of them. A few minutes later, Sam retired after running to the bathroom and throwing up. _He’s going to be hurting tomorrow._ Shortly after, Steve stood up and hugged Bucky exclaiming how happy he is that he’s back and planting a sloppy kiss on my forehead before stumbling towards his bedroom. I went behind the counter and cleaned up the zillions of glasses and then skipped over to a very drunk Bucky.

            He smiled at me, “Well hello there, ma’am. Come here often?”

You sat in his lap, facing him, “Why no I don’t, it’s my first time here. Mind showing me around town?”

            He grabbed your waist and he dove in for a sloppy kiss, which you returned happily. His hands ran up and down the side of your body and when your lips parted, his tongue snaked its way into your mouth, intertwining with yours. Gasping for breath, you pulled out of the kiss and then dove in for another. You grabbed his hair and he mimicked, pulling your hair hard enough to arch your neck to the side where he hungrily devoured your skin. Little moans escaped your mouth and he looked up at you.

“You are the most beautiful woman on this planet.”

“And you are the most handsome man to ever walk earth.” 

            He dove into your neck again, this time biting down hard, making you cringe and yelp. Trying to pry him off he grabbed your hands and continued to bite harder on your neck. “Bucky, Stop!” You say breathlessly. He rears his head back and looks at the blood trailing down your neck. Taking a rag from the counter, he wipes up the blood and studies the very noticeable bite mark on your neck. “You are mine now.”  You look into his eyes and then kiss him passionately, before replying, “I’ll always be yours.”

            He swooped you off your feet and threw you over his shoulder, where you noticed Steve peering down the hallway. He gave you thumbs up before stealthily running towards the bar and grabbing a bottle of liquor, then scurrying back to his room. Bucky kicked open the door and threw you on the bed where he slammed the door shut and removed his shirt. You got hot, really fast and he maneuvered on top of you, kissing seductively. You wanted him, you knew you did but everything in your mind told you to wait. You didn’t want to lose your virginity while drunk; you wanted it to be special and memorable.

            “Bucky,” You say shakily, “I-I can’t do this.”

He looked up at you, “It’s okay, I’m not pressuring you.” However, his actions were telling a different story as he tried to pull your shirt off your body.

“Bucky! Please. I’m still a virgin.”

            His head shot up and he realized what he was doing. He pulled your shirt back down and kissed your cheek. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get carried away. I can’t help myself when I’m around you.”

            You pull him into a deep kiss before saying, “It’s not that I don’t want you, it just that when it’s time…I want it to be perfect.”

“And perfect it shall be.” He whispers into your ear and then pulls you into his chest where you both fall into a drunken sleep


	15. New Life

            The next day, everyone was suffering. Sam had a massive hangover, as expected from his drunken retreat to the bathroom last night. Steve had drunk so much that he was still a bit buzzed upon waking up, yet puking. Bucky attempted to rise normally but you could tell he wasn’t feeling well when he complained of a massive headache that wasn’t brainwashed induced. You forced him to sleep in, pouring him a glass of water and leaving it at the side of his bed. Tony, on the other hand, had a spring in his step and was lively as ever. He practically skipped into the kitchen, greeting everyone before grabbing two cups of coffee and heading back into the room. Thankfully, you were feeling well enough to play nurse.

            The day passed very slowly, leaving you exhausted before the sun even set. It was hard enough to babysit children, but having to babysit three hung over children was a whole different challenge. Tony had exited his room a couple times where you had asked to order pizza for the starving soldiers or how to turn on his elaborate T.V system. After watching a couple movies Steve stood up, evidently feeling better. He walked over to you where you seated and pulled you into a warm embrace, then to Bucky with an even warmer embrace. Sam followed suit. “Bucky, I’m so glad you are back home. My house is always welcome to you, you may have to shine my shoes or take out the trash...” Steve says towards Bucky, “But it will be like old times.”

            You sensed it was an inside joke when Bucky stood up and practically ran into Steve’s arms, rubbing his back and then breaking the hug. “I’m with you till the end of the line, always. However, my home is where ever (y/n) is.”

“Hey Bucky, I get it.” Steve gives him a reassuring smile and then playfully punches him in the arm.

“I miss you Idiot.”

“I miss you too, Jerk.”

            Waving goodbye, you watched as Steve and Sam took off in their car. Tony Pepper and Bucky were standing beside you waving as well. Finally Tony spoke up, “Hey, I took it upon myself to getting you a new place to stay, given I destroyed the last one. I was going to surprise you last night but after Pepper and our little rendezvous…” Tony broke off, kissing Pepper and you jokingly made gagging noises. “Yeah, I just thought that you wouldn’t or shouldn’t stay here, and settle back at home.”

“I really appreciate it Tony, but you really didn’t have to get me a whole new place.”

“I didn’t want to deal with the prior apartment owner either.”

“Touché”

“Yeah, well you guys get washed up or whatever and I’ll drive you both down there.”

            Bucky began speaking before you could thank Tony further, “Tony, even though we may have gotten on each other’s nerves, I’m glad we see eye to eye when it comes to (y/n). You’ve done more than enough for me and I want to say thank you.” Tony fidgeted, uncomfortable at the sudden exchange of kindness. “Yeah, of course. Just..er.. keep her safe for me, will ya?”

“You won’t have to ask twice.”

            Tony had dropped you off, surprisingly, in front of a new house. You assumed that he would have rented another apartment for you but this, this was too much. He not only got you a new place to stay, he had bought the place for you. It was yours. “T-tony…” you squeak as tears well in your eyes. “No no no. No crying. Just enjoy. I would stick around longer but I have business to take care of back my pad.”

“I can’t thank you enough.”

“No need.”  He pushed you and Bucky out of the car while handing you a portfolio full of papers for the house and keys. “Love you little sis,” Is what you thought you heard as he closed the passenger door and took off down the street. _Love you too._

            You and Bucky had unlocked the door, pushing it open and revealing a beautiful, furnished home. All of your groceries and personal items were salvaged from the original apartment and brought here. You threw yourself down on the couch, your couch, while breathing in heavily. Bucky had plopped down beside you. “Bucky, this is our home now.”

.

.

.

            Months had passed by, slowly, but they passed. Obviously you had to get a new job, and worked hard, demanding hours as an accountant at a local business. Every day was the same; you awoke at the crack of dawn, having coffee with Bucky. He would be dressed in his new, and rather improved, suit given to him by S.H.I.E.L.D. They had offered him freedom in return for his services and he accepted, willingly. Besides, he wasn’t the only Russian assassin at S.H.I.E.L.D whom was given a chance to redeem themselves. Working alongside Steve, you thought, would be good for his recovery. However, Bucky picked up on the new technology and changes rather quickly.

            “Alright, well I’ll see you tonight.” Bucky says while walking towards you. He kisses you hard on the mouth and places a flower in your hand. He started this tradition as soon as you had moved in, where he would either buy or pick a flower sometime during his day and give it to you the next morning. It warmed your heart and you had a scrapbook accumulated with pressed flowers. The gesture was just too sentimental, it reminded you to maintain hope throughout the chaos and also reminded you of how romantically inclined Bucky truly was, regardless of his façade. “I love you so much.” You say while standing on your tip toes to kiss him. He smiled during the kiss and picked you up, twirling you, before dropping you down lightly and holding the door open.

            Bucky was always picked up by Steve during the day. When they didn’t have missions, they would go to the bar or theaters, doing what guys do.  As a side job, for extra money, Bucky would work with Tony, who had gracefully offered him a job. Bucky never exactly told you what he did for Tony, but you could see by the way he talked of him that they were bonding. Everything seemed to be working for the better. What could go wrong? You had a stable job, a beautiful home, a boy-friend that you loved dearly and a life that wasn’t the same-old, same-old.

            Yeah, at least you thought nothing could go wrong again, until you came home from work around 7 P.M and Bucky wasn’t home like he usually was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies upon the tardiness of the chapters. School has been ever demanding and I'm sure most of you understand. Next chapter will be up soon. I'm thinking of having a certain chapter with alternate endings, to sate the need of every reader. What do you think? Too risky?


	16. Despair and Departure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING : This chapter contains brief depictions of violence, read at your own risk.

            You had just entered your home, and it was pitch black. Trying to turn on the lights, you flipped the switch on the lamp near the couch and nothing happened. “Bucky?” You call, into the darkness. Fearful of the ominous silence, you frantically searched your purse for the flashlight on your car keys. The light flashed on and you scoured your house, looking for signs of struggle or intrusion. However, everything was in its place. You grabbed your phone and dialed Steve, who took a while to pick up.

“Hey, (y/n). What’s up?”

“Steve, is Bucky with you?”

“No, I had dropped him off earlier, round three. Why?”

“He’s not here.”

“Uh, maybe he’s with Stark?”

“Stark is in Costa Rica with Pepper, Bucky hasn’t worked in a few days now.”

            You were greeted with silence for a while and it almost made you fear the phone had hung up until Steve said, “I’ll be over in ten minutes. Don’t go anywhere.”

            Waiting in the kitchen with your flashlight still on, it had only been a mere five minutes until you heard knocking at the door. You were about to open it when it had unlocked and swung open. Instinctively, you turned off your flashlight and set your purse on the counter on the right of you without making a sound. You moved behind the refrigerator and listened. At first, you heard the sound of someone coming towards the kitchen and then the person was so close that you could feel their warmth. Without a warming, you gave a powerful kick and the intruder’s body went flying into the cabinets in front of you. Hearing groans and the sound of dishes breaking, you slowly walked over and reached into the cabinets, feeling clothing. You tugged at the article and pulled the person close saying, “Tell me who the fuck you are or I will kill you.”

“Calm, my sweets, I was only checking for proof of residency.”

            You drew in a shaky breath, recalling the familiar Russian accent. Memories of searing pain while strapped into a chair filled your mind. Suddenly, you clamped your hand around his neck, barely letting him breathe.

“Why are you here?  You should’ve been dead.” You ask, filled with spite.

“Scientists need days off too, luckily for me it was my last day off. I had embedded a microchip into your neck while you were unconscious and now you, my pet, will return back into Hydra’s loving arms.” He breaks off, coughing and laughing at the same time.

“Why now?! Why wait?” You ask almost screaming.

“We had figured that the longer you had been with our precious Soldier, the more painful it would be for him when we suddenly disposed of you.”

            Ready to snap his neck, you tensed your muscles and abruptly, electricity was shot through your body. The feeling was deafening and you tried your hardest to fight it. Keeping your hold on the mad scientist, you flick your wrist and hear a snap as he drops to the ground. Becoming too intense, the pain crippled you and you fell paralyzed to the floor, convulsing. The last thing you remember was seeing Steve kick open your door and rush to your side before being punched in the face by the  person who had obviously, and callously, tazed you.

.

.

.

            Holy crap your head hurt. Before you had even opened your eyes, the throbbing had awoken you. You couldn’t see anything and feared that blindness had overcome you until you saw what looked like a torch at the far end of the wall. After a moment of adjusting your vision, you could see that you were seated in a cell. However, this one was particularly different. The room was very dim, lit by a single torch and constructed in stone slabs. On the wall adjacent to you, there were shackles and chains. The floor was earthen and there was a vile stench filling your nostrils. It reeked of blood and sweat with a hint of leather. Dust crammed the air and you moved to stand when you realized that you were chained to the wall. Even worse, you were nude and absolutely freezing.

            You began to panic, but not for your sake. If you were here, then where in God’s name was Bucky.  You already knew what they planned for you; it was the end of the line. _But please spare him, please don’t hurt him._ Suddenly, another ghastly thought consumed you. _Did they take Steve too?_  You just couldn’t take it anymore, the fear of what could be made you shake and tears began to stream from your eyes. Trying everything from praying, to crossing fingers and toes you wished they hadn’t seized Bucky nor Steve. _Kill me, torture me if you must, but don’t hurt them._

            After hours of consuming thoughts, the cell door, wrought in rusted metal, swung open eerily. Before even seeing who it was, you screamed, “Don’t hurt them. Don’t touch them.” The man who strode into the room back handed you across the face. You didn’t care. You begged and begged, asking where they were and if they were okay. This time the man whose face was covered with a mask had kicked you hard in your side, “Shut up.” He was strong and the kick was forceful enough to crack a few ribs, making you whimper and moan. Being too stubborn, you forced yourself back up and snidely spat, “Did you come here to watch me suffer. Did you come here to beat me?”

            To your greatest discontent, that is exactly why he had come to the cell.

            Growing fearful, you grinded your teeth and clenched your jaw. The last thing you wanted was for this man to have the satisfaction of getting you to show pain. You knew pain, and were very well acquainted with it. The man had un-bound you, only to be placed in constricting chains. Leading you down a dark hallway, he stopped you in front of a door-less room. Peering in, you noticed that it must’ve been used for torture. _Why else would you need whips, tools and constraints?_ Blinking away a salty tear, you lifted your face higher, showing no sign of fear. However, you knew damned well that this was going to hurt, but better you than Bucky.

            The man noticed your change in demeanor and gave a daunting laugh, “It’ll only take me less than a minute to whip that pride off your pretty little face.” He traced a grimy finger down the side of your face and outlining your jaw. “What a waste.”

            He grabbed your chains and yanked you into the room where he secured you into a chair. “So before we begin, do you have anything smart you’d like to say?”

“Yeah. Where is Bucky?”

“Why are you asking for him so much? He led you into this mess. Now you are the one paying for his faults.”

“Enough talking and more cutting.” A deep, dark voice came from the door frame. You twisted your head around and noticed another man who looked identical to the one you were with. Eyes widening, you notice him with Bucky, bound in chains and pale faced. “BUCKY!”

            His eyes lifted to yours and reflected the most terror you’ve seen in a lifetime. He instantly became enraged, trying to shake loose of the change while grunting and breathing loudly. He looked like a caged beast trying to set free. His head turned towards the man restraining him, “YOU TOLD ME SHE WASN’T HERE. YOU SAID YOU WOULDN’T TOUCH HER!” The man said nothing and bound him to a chair across from you.

            He looked into your eyes. Never in your entire life had you captured that much fear. He was breathing heavily, biting his lip and making it bleed, all while trying his hardest to keep his watery eyes from overflowing. He looked behind you and his eyes grew wider. Catching your attention, you look over and see one of the men holding a piece of metal, glowing red at one end.

            He brought the scorching pole closer and closer to you, making Bucky rattle his chains and scream, “PLEASE, STOP.” Right before the pole plunged into your thigh, you looked Bucky into his eyes and clenched your jaw. The screams ripping from your throat had the walls quaking. The man who had the pole actually flinched. You had tried your hardest not to scream. The melting of your flesh and sizzling of your skin had been the most painful thing you’ve felt thus far.

            The torture went on for hours. All you wanted was to die, to croak in the chair and end the gut wrenching pain. Nobody ever touched Bucky, yet you could hear from his screams that he was enduring more than you were. The single thing that kept you fighting, that kept you from giving up was the relief in your heart that they never harmed Bucky.

“Well, I guess it’s time to end this madness. Say goodbye to your girlfriend, soldier, coz you aren’t seeing her again.”

            Bucky’s eyes were bloodshot red, his face was tear stained and his fingers were bloody from scratching at the chair. You could hardly see him, your health was wearing thin. Every breath was shaky and slow, every heartbeat was excruciating and you were simply too weak. When Bucky heard the man, he lost it completely. “NO, NO, NO, NO NOOOOO!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!” His screams turned into sobs and he was, despite his emotionless reputation, crying. His shoulders were shaking violently and he kept saying over and over, “Don’t take her from me, please.”

            Disregarding your weakened state, you managed to squeak, “I-I love y-you Buc-cky.” A lonely tear escaped your eyes and you kept gazing at him, lovingly.

             Finally, you felt your breath depart your body and Bucky’s helpless cries slowly faded. You began feeling lighter, every noise was silencing. The room feathered into a white abyss, and you were floating up, up into the sky. Serenity filled your head, wiping you of past turmoil. Your soul detached, leaving your mangled body and soaring higher on gilded wings. You were content. You were free.


	17. New Theory

 

            Sweet whispers filled the wispy air. You weren’t alive anymore and you knew it. There was nothing that could pull you from this tranquil state, you were floating in gold. The very fabric of your existence was tearing, stitch by stitch. With every thread undone, more weight was slowly lifting and vanishing in the air above you. Memories flooded your mind, some making you smile, some making you reflect. Then, a memory flashed, although it was for a brief moment, it made you feel troubled.  Trouble was not an emotion that should be evoked here, not here. Trying to shake it, you switched to another memory. As the memories switched, you realized they were getting closer and closer to your death. _Bucky._ The recollection made you stir, it made you hurt. You shouldn’t be hurting, you should be at peace.

            _No._ Falling, your soul plummeted backwards. The wings that had lifted you so high before had been plucked, featherless. The golden dew that was strewn across the wispy sky had turned to blood and the sky tainted. There was no way you could be put to rest. You couldn’t leave him. Screams filled your head, in place of whispers and you knew that you weren’t finished with yet. _But how was I going to get back into my body?_ Unless, by some miracle, you resurrected, you were nothing but a sad spirit whose love had been more alive than her. A black soul who was still suffering, even after passing.

            You didn’t care anymore. How could you? They knew they couldn’t wipe you again, so they tortured you in the worst way possible to get you to give up. Surrender wasn’t in your nature. Then again, neither was love. But you had loved. You had loved with intensity that had consumed you. No, it completely devoured you and in such a sort amount of time as well. She, (y/n), was your everything. Like the rising sun, she shined and filled you with warmth. Like a roaring stream, she had drowned you in passion and washed away the pain. Then, like a burning candle, she had gone out, dimmed by the very hands of whom you surrendered to.

            You were their puppet, strewn like a marionette. There’s no pain that could replace the void in your heart. No crevice you could hide in which they wouldn’t find you. They took away the one thing that you were too foolish to hide, and who could you blame but yourself. Yet, there was a bubbling in your heart. Like a dormant volcano, you had fire igniting deep within your core. Rage was brewing; rage was all you had left to hold on to.

            Back in your cell, you had sat on your bed in a lifeless state. Trying to think of a way to satiate your anger, you remembered something. _TONY!_ He had tweaked your arm while you were working for him one day. He mumbled something about a communicator, in which you could contact him. Fumbling with your arm, you ripped off the top portion, not caring that you probably wouldn’t get it back on. _Ah shit._ Well, it seemed to run on some sort of electricity. There were tons of wires and blinking lights. How the hell…Oh. You found a small device welded on the inside, with “Stark Industries” plastered on it. You pushed it and then heard a ringing in your ears.

            “Barnes, what part of ‘I’m going to Costa Rica, don’t contact me’ did you not understand?”

            You were appalled. It had actually worked.

“Hey! You there?”

“Tony! You need to get help. Please. There’s a facility… Hydra…(y/n)!” You couldn’t formulate words correctly.

“Whoa, whoa. Slow down. Where the hell are-“

            You heard someone walking towards the cell and stopped talking. Quickly, you grabbed the top portion of your arm and held it back together to avoid suspicion. The man who had killed (y/n) walked in front of your cell. Biting your lip, you held down the fervid urge to lunge at the cell door and reach for his head before gouging his eyes out.

“They told me to feed the dog”, the man says while throwing a plate of food a few inches away from the cell.

Tony blurted in your ear, “Who’s that?”

Not being able to hear Tony’s voice in your ear, the man continued, “Don’t blame you if you not fixin’ up an appetite. I sure as hell wouldn’t after watching my girlfriend being tortured over and over and over again.” He said it all with a smirk, knowing you were screaming on the inside.

            Saying nothing, he laughed and left the area. Then you heard Tony speak,

“What the hell is going on, Barnes!? Where’s (y/n)? Where are you located?”

“I’m in another Hydra Facility. Tony….” You didn’t want to continue, “Tony, (y/n) is dead.”

            Greeted with ominous silence, you waited for a response as you tried your hardest to keep tears from falling down your face. The connection cut out and you felt helpless. There’s no hope. She’s dead. Why did you even call Tony? He can’t save her. A guttural scream ripped from your lungs and you punched the stone wall behind you, sending fragments of stone to fly everywhere. The top piece of your arm flew off, leaving you exposed. Yeah that’s exactly what you were, exposed and vulnerable. Regret and rage filled your broken heart. _Stop crying, you fucking wimp. You did this to her, you’re the one who caused her death._

            The new Hydra facility was almost identical to the one that was previously destroyed, except they were harder on you this time. The training had completely worn you out and the experiments they did hurt a lot more than you remembered. By the end of each tormenting day, you were physically and mentally exhausted. Yet, you still had energy to grieve, to lie on your cot and grieve until the break of dawn.

.

.

.

            Exactly two weeks had passed since (y/n’s) death. You thought about her all the time, but you realized she was fading away. You tried to recall how her voice sounded, but failed. Her facial features were becoming muddled and soon realized she was simply succumbing to a memory. _I can’t forget her. Ever._  Lying on your cot, you heard a beeping sound in your ear. Thinking you were losing it, you shook your head but the beeping persisted. Finally you heard a voice,

“Barnes. Were coming to bust you out of there, but I need you to find a way to get to the eastern wing of the building. There’s a ventilation system rooted there that leads to an outside duct. I need you to take that chance to get outside of the building where Steve will be waiting in a car. You won’t recognize him, but it’s him. Do as I say and be there as soon as possible.”

            Before you had a chance to reply, the connection cut out and you were left to whip up a plan. _Ah, today’s shower day._ It was a Tuesday, the day of week where you had the chance to clean off the grime that accumulated on you during training. _But they always watch you._

            Two hours later, a Hydra agent was opening your cell to escort you toward the “wash room.”  He pushed a gun to the back of your head and pushed you for the door at the end of the hall. After entering the room, he locked the door behind him and motioned you to strip. After a few seconds, you were standing there naked. “Catch.” The man threw you a bar of soap and pressed the button next to him, making cold water pour from the shower head above you.

            As you were washing, you realized how you were going to escape. It was going to hurt, but it was a good plan. With your back turned on the man, you carefully unlatched the top portion of your arm. As soon as the cold water touched the interior of the arm, electricity paralyzed you, making you collapse to the ground and convulse. The man rushed over to you with his gun drawn before seeing the sparks shooting from the metal arm. He dragged you out of the water and called for help on his communication device in his ear. _Now’s your chance._ Despite the writing pain, you shot your normal arm up and grabbed his head.

            You wrapped your legs around his, to keep him from getting away and slowly strangled him into unconsciousness. To ensure he wouldn’t awake, you grabbed his gun and shot him in the head, killing him point blank. Your metal arm was limp at your side, occasionally twitching and sending zaps up your spine. Nakedly, you exited the door and ran towards the eastern wing. You heard shouts behind you, probably Hydra agents finding the man you shot. As you had expected, alarms began to ring in your ears and your pace quickened.

            Finally reaching the eastern wing, you found the vent that Tony was talking about. With the stolen gun, you shot the bolts off and crawled in the narrow space. It was hardly big enough for you, but you had to hurry nonetheless. The water from the shower had helped you squeeze through the vent, and you finally reached the end. You shot open the duct and literally fell out of it, having only one arm. Just as planned, a man disguised in Hydra attire with a mask was motioning you over into the car.

            Steve then drove off, telling Tony into a communicator “We got him, now light ‘er up.”

            Without a moment’s hesitation, the Hydra facility erupted in flames with bombs going off in all directions. Above you, Tony flew into view holding a body in his arms. You inhaled and held your breath, knowing it was (y/n).

“Bucky, why are you naked?” Steve said nonchalantly. Realizing your nude state, you covered up your junk and blushed profusely. Steve laughed and threw you a blanket from the back seat. Then the car fell silent and Steve’s face looked sullen. “Bucky, I’m sorry about (y/n). I tried to get to her house as soon as possible. I got there a moment too late and they unleashed the big guy on me, leaving me occupied so I couldn’t get to her…”

“Steve.”

            He looked over at you with despair in his eyes before you continued.

“It’s not your fault.”

            You wanted to add how it was your fault, but didn’t want to hear Steve trying to tell you it wasn’t.

            The rest of the ride was silent and it took over two hours to get back to the Stark Tower where Tony was already home with (y/n) sprawled out on a hospital bed.After he had thrown you some clothes he began to check (y/n's) vitals.  _She's not alive._  You looked at him in disgust. Then you looked closely, she surely didn’t look dead. She looked as if she was sleeping, just not breathing. You gave Tony a confused look, fighting tears in the back of your throat.

“When you told me she was dead, I was in complete denial. I mean, this guy,” Tony said pointing at Steve, “should’ve died and you should’ve died too. I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t try to bring her back.”

            Trying to understand but failing, you furrowed your brows.

“Bucky, her body is still trying to regenerate itself. I had run tests with Steve’s blood and injected it into a test subject shortly after you told me she was dead. After the subject had died, the body stayed preserved, just like how (y/n) is now.

“And,” Steve added, “We put the subject on ice, like us. When it thawed, its heart beat returned and it was alive again.”

“I theorize that the serum is able to regenerate the body completely, if the body systems are dormant. The human immune system is constantly fighting bacteria’s  and if her body is still fighting it, it’s only a matter of time before the bacteria becomes too aggressive or her antibodies become too weak, making her decompose. However, if we seal her off from any bodily threats, her immune system can focus on regenerating completely.”

            Your eyes widened. Your brain was in overload mode, and questions were buzzing rapidly. “But she’s not a test subject, Tony, can she really come back?” you ask on the verge of tears.

“I know Barnes, she’s not just your girlfriend she’s my sister too. I want her back, and if it worked on you and Steve, I’m only hopeful that it can work on her. ”

“Then we need to get her frozen, and fast. It’s already been two weeks.” Steve added.

            Tony nodded and then left the room to get things prepared. Steve followed before turning and asking you “You coming?”

“No, I need to let this sink in.”

            Understanding, Steve turned and exited leaving you with (y/n) on the hospital bed.

            You walked over to her bedside and sat in a chair next to her. Despite the renewed hope, you couldn’t help but feel despair and remorse. You grabbed her cold, limp hand and pressed it against your cheek, recalling the first time you two met and you had done the same thing. Closing your eyes, a single tear fell into your lap.

“(y/n) I’m so sorry. I’m so, so, sorry.” You choked on your tears before continuing. “Please, you have to stay with me. I can’t live without you now. I love you so much, (y/n). I promise, I’ll keep you safe, I promise I’ll get a job and buy you a home and hold you tight every night, just please, come back to me.”

            You could’ve sworn you felt a pulse in her cold hand pressed upon your cheek. As if she was responding.  Gingerly kissing her hand, you placed it gently on her chest before leaving the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry, for those of you who are waiting for my chapters. Its been a little over a week since I last posted and for that I will be setting aside extra time devoted for writing this story. Thank you for the Kudos, you make me happy. (:


	18. Tension

Pain, hurt, yearning, depression, fear, misery, desolation…all these emotions had piled in on you. You felt as if you had fallen into your own personal hell. It was dark here; there was no light and no happiness. However, you began to believe that you weren’t necessarily in a place. You felt as if you were in despair itself, the emotion that had kept you from moving on. You wanted nothing but to be with Bucky and to protect him. The thought pained you, and you cried out. Every cry had echoed and never dissipated, so when you weren’t weeping, you could still hear yourself grieving.

            You weren’t sure how long it’s been since you’ve been trapped here, you feared it would last forever. Days felt like months, months felt like centuries as every ticking second had only provided the same amount of hurt and anguish. Then, you felt something different. At first it had started as inkling, a compulsion to start moving forward. Next thing you knew, you were actually moving forward. The sky was fading from a dark black to grey, to light grey and so forth.  Things began to get brighter, and the heaviness you had become accustomed to have started to lift. Then you heard him, the voice you’re entire existence revolved around…Bucky.

.

.

.

            “(y/n)? Baby, can you hear me?”

            The resonance of his voice sounded like falling rain. Your eyes crept open, blurred and burning. You flinched; the lights above you were bright. Looking to the side, you saw Tony smiling down at you with your hand in his. Steve was there, he was beaming with a hand on your leg. Then your gaze drifted upon Him. His blue eyes were brimmed with tears, and he had dark circles under them. His perfect lips parted into a smile before his breath started shaking and his shoulders began to tremble. You reached a hand up to cup his face and you gave him the most loving gaze you could possibly muster up. “Bucky.”

            He closed his eyes and you sat up in the bed to move closer. Tony’s hand shot up behind your back for support and you withdrew your hand to help yourself up as well. Bucky gave you a long wholesome embrace, grabbing your hair and whispering saccharine I love you’s into your ear before the hug broke. You turned towards Tony and Steve before grabbing both of them.

“Don’t you ever scare me like that again.” Steve said, sweetly.

“Yeah, and next time you’re going to Costa Rica with me.” Tony chimed in, holding back tears.

            The abundance of happiness you had felt had completely took over you. Your eyes were brimmed with tears of pure joy and you just couldn’t help but sit there and smile. Beaming, you had let a salty tear roll down your cheeks and finally reality hit you. _I died._ Noticing your sudden change in demeanor, Tony spoke up.

“I know, this is all going to seem a bit, uh, weird. But, we’ve made a scientific breakthrough.”

“But Tony, I –I died.”

            You saw Bucky tense up next to you and you peered over at him. He flashed a smile but you knew him well enough to know that he was feeling uncomfortable. Steve picked up the conversation,

“Yeah, not exactly.  I mean, you did-uh-die, but your body didn’t.”

“Okay, what Mr. Star Spangled Banner is trying to say is that your body never necessarily decomposed, all due to the serum. The serum had been active even while you were technically deceased and had managed to fight off bodily threats. While frozen, the body was able to regenerate all the way, which is why you are breathing and very well alive at this  moment.”

            Wow. Yeah, there was no way you could comprehend this all at once. You sat there, bug eyed for a minute before saying, “I was frozen?”

“Well, yeah. For about a few weeks now. Barnes over here almost pissed himself when we said it was finally time to thaw you out.” Tony had replied.

            Bucky drew out a long sigh and gave Tony the most sinister glare you’ve ever seen. You chucked silently to yourself. Everything seemed to be returning to normal, despite the post-death state you were in. Honestly, you couldn’t care how or why you were alive. You were just overly grateful that you were given a second chance.

            The thought consumed you. No matter the circumstances, you knew that it is love that defied death. It was the love of your brother to grasp onto hope for your life. It was the love of Steve to give up a part of him for your sake of survival. It was the love of Bucky to keep fighting for you when he saw you take your last breath. Life was a gift and life was what you’d never take for granted again.

 

            Things had gotten realistically difficult, but in retrospect you were nonetheless happy. Tony decided it was a good idea to have you and Bucky stay with him at the tower. In fact, he didn’t want you to leave the tower at all and it took him A LOT of convincing to go out. Once, you were sitting out on  the balcony on the guest floor and you had dropped the book you were reading off of it. Rushing down the elevator, you were two steps away from the front door before Tony had caught you by the hood of your jacket and advised you otherwise.

            Due to S.H.I.E.L.D’s trust issues about Bucky, which you didn’t blame, it was significantly hard for Steve to get Bucky a job there. Yet, he tried and persisted. Personally, you objected to Bucky’s decision on joining S.H.I.E.L.D but Steve always countered by explaining the “security benefits” and how “it’s good for Bucky.”  Then Bucky would routinely grab you from behind and hold you close then tell you in your ear, “I’m not losing you again, this will be good for us” or “Don’t worry, everything will be okay.”

             As feared, Bucky landed the job and was now Steve’s right-hand-man on assignments. Before you knew it, S.H.I.E.L.D was all over you. Hearing about your successful serum attempt, they had viewed you as an asset. You were ecstatic. By joining S.H.I.E.L.D, it would mean double the security, you’d be with Bucky, you’d be productive and it would give you a great excuse to wipe Hydra off the face of the planet. Of course, Bucky took this news with much resistance. He had almost killed Steve when he found out that he was trying to get you to join.

“You’ve got to be kidding me. She’s NOT going to be put on assignments. She’s NOT going to be put in a position where she could get hurt or… She’s not, Okay?! She’s just not!” Bucky was practically screaming at Steve who, at the moment, looked more guilty than intimidated. You decided to speak out.

“Bucky, I’m sitting right here. It’s my decision too.”

“No,” Steve proclaimed, “Bucky’s right. I shouldn’t have tried to get you the spot. The last thing we need is to have you hurt.”

            You understood. Though you were really pissed about it, he was right. _What’s the point of trying to join S.H.I.E.L.D? You are a danger magnet._ Yet, the same cards were thrust upon Bucky. What would happen if he had gotten hurt? Surely he knows his value to you, he must know how much you would die on this inside if something happened to him. Just the thought of it make you feel nauseous and you became angry.

“Bucky, what if something happens to you?”

Bucky looked over at you surprised, as if he had never considered that variable. “Don’t worry about me,” his emotionless façade returning, “I can handle myself.”

“I WILL worry about you. I worry because I love you. I want to protect you as much as you do for me; I never want to lose you Bucky.”

“You won’t.”

“What? How can you be so naïve? You can’t possibly predict what happens when you’re out on missions. Just because you had lost me once, doesn’t make it acceptable to put your life on the line for my safety!”

“To hell is doesn’t! There’s no damn way I’m losing you again! NO.DAMN.WAY. And, I will do whatever it takes to ensure that you are alive a breathing. Understand?!”

            Bucky had his fists balled up at his sides and he was absolutely fuming. This face was red and he was biting his lip down hard. For the first time in a long time, you had felt a spark of fear. _Hell no_. Being as stubborn as you are, you argued.

“Don’t tell me that I shouldn’t worry about your safety! I will not be ordered like a dog and I surely will not watch the man that I love risk his life for me just because he’s too ignorant to see his own value!”

“YOU SHOULDN”T LOVE ME! I WILL ORDER YOU LIKE A DOG BECAUSE YOU’RE TOO STUBBORN TO BE ORDERED OTHERWISE! IM NOT FUCKING IGNORANT, I JUST DON’T WANT TO WATCH THE WOMAN I LOVE BE KILLED AGAIN BECAUSE I WAS TOO STUPID TO SEE HER VALUE!!!” He was screaming to the point where Steve had grabbed his arm. Bucky pushed Steve away from him and stormed out of the room.

            You didn’t know how to respond to his outburst. First of all, he openly admitted that he was ordering you like a dog. That hurt. He evidentially doesn’t see how much you love him. That hurt you more. The fact that Bucky believed you shouldn’t love him to worry about his well being had felt like a knife in your chest. Feeling heartbroken, tears welled up in your eyes. Steve saw the water forming and he was instantly at your side. “Please don’t cry. He’s just worked up, been very stressful for him recently.”

“Steve,” You tried to wipe your tears away, “do you at least understand what I’m pointing out? I mean, I’m not being too selfish, right?”

“No, no. You had made me realize how broken Bucky really is. I’ve never seen him this angry or confused before. But you’re right, at least about the part where you have the right to worry about his safety. “Steve smiled down at you before giving you a placid kiss on your head. “(y/n), I’m sure he didn’t mean half the things he said. He may be acting like an ass, but he means well. I grew up with that jerk, and never in my life had I seen him care THAT much. He loves you.”

            You returned Steve’s smile and gave him a warm hug. You leaned your head on his shoulder and he said, “Besides, who do you think would look after Bucky on assignments. I won’t openly admit it, but I care for him as much as you do and he IS protected. Till the end of the line.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm slowly wrapping this story up, though I am having issues with a certain chapter I want to write. Basically its a war between whether it should have smutty qualities or a more poetic, romantic take on intimacy. Hmm, maybe there will be an alternate chapter to fit everyone's needs.


	19. The Tables Have Turned

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Mild sexual content (though no sex, yet).

             Although Steve’s warm words had eased your mind a bit, you just couldn’t shake the fact that Bucky thinks you shouldn’t love him. After reassuring Tony that Bucky’s screams were just an argument and you said a series of goodnight’s, you retired to your room. _Ugh I hope Bucky isn’t up._ Quietly opening the door, you popped your head in and were relieved to find that Bucky was in the bathroom. Quickly throwing on a large shirt and clean underwear, you jumped into the bed and pulled the covers over you just in time. Bucky had opened the door and made his way to the bed. You held your breath.

“Nobody stops breathing when they pretend they’re sleeping.”

_Damn it._

You sighed and pulled the covers off. Bucky was sitting on the bed with his back turned to you. He gave a long sigh before turning around and looking you in the eyes. He was doing it again, that emotionless stare. It sent chills down your spine, and then you mimicked his gaze. He couldn’t help it, he snickered and laid down. “I can’t be mad at you,” Bucky whispered.

            Silence blanketed the room, making everything more audible. You could hear the crickets outside, despite the heavily insulated walls. There was a faint clicking noise, the clock above the T.V set. Then, you zeroed in on Bucky’s breathing. You listened until you could make out the pounding of his heart. Thum,thum. Thum,thum. To you, it sounded like a lullaby. A sweet, beating organ whose sound had a poetic effect to you. While in your odd euphoria, Bucky cleared his throat, snapping you out of your haze. “I…I’m sorry for yelling at you earlier.”

You didn’t respond.

“I really am. I never want to raise my voice at you again. I just, you just made me angry.”

“Because I love you, you’re angry.” The question came out more as a statement.

“No, not just that. It’s the fact that you could still possibly love me despite everything you’ve endured because of me.”

“Stop. Just stop. Tell me whatever you want, but I love you Bucky. I’ve never loved a man before you and don’t plan loving another man ever again.”

“(y/n) were not compatible. Whenever I’m with you, I run the risk of getting you killed. Again. Because of me, you have serum running through your veins. Because of me, you were tortured to death. Because of me, you will be on the run for the rest of your life.”

“Because of you, I’ve found adventure in my life. Because of you, I learned to love. Because of you, I came back to life. And, Bucky, because of you I will no longer feel empty or cold. Don’t you see? I don’t care if I died a million times and came back, as long as my last breath was spent telling you how much I love you.”

            Bucky gave you a pained look before grabbing your face and kissing you. He kissed you like it was his last, and it left you breathless. He intertwined his hands in your hair and pulled slightly, letting a moan escape your throat. He pushed a leg over yours, positioning himself on top of you.  Placing both hands on the side of your face, he dove in for another kiss. This time, it was more demanding. His tongue forced its way past your lips, meeting your own. He let out a guttural moan, before breaking the kiss. He looked into your eyes with utter desperation and need. Then, it faded into passion and lust.

“I don’t want to argue with you anymore.”

“Me either. But I love you, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

            Bucky raised an eyebrow and gave a half-smirk. “Oh really?” Before you could blink, his lips collided with yours and then he bit you. _Damn it, Bucky._ You flinched and drew away from the kiss, tasting blood. He looked down at you, smiling like a child who was caught putting his hand in the cookie jar. “You can love me, but I love you more.” _Challenge accepted._

            The two of you were intertwined like grape vines throughout the night. He kissed you, you kissed harder. He bit you; you bit harder and so forth. This continued until fatigue got the best of both of you. Blanketed in love and lust, you drifted while lying on his muscular chest, and he drifted asleep with a smile plastered on his face.

            The next morning, you arose fulfilled. Seeing Bucky still dozing off filled you with love. He looked so adorable with his mouth wide open, hair in his face and arms reaching for you. Trying to slip out of bed quietly, you felt a strong arm grab the lace of your underwear and pull you closer. “Those are nice, when did you get them?” Bucky’s voice was raspy and sleep filled, but it sounded so sexy. You let out a devilish laugh and rolled on top of him. Bucky’s eyes grew wide and he uttered, “Well aren’t you feeling frisky today.” Before you could lean down for a kiss, there were two knocks on your door. Bucky yelled, “Were busy.”

“Yeah well, so is our agenda for today. I’m coming in.” Steve yelled back.

            The door swung open and you poked your head around to see Steve standing there wide-eyed. Bucky, still under you, gave a sly smirk at him before waving. You couldn’t help it, you started laughing and you buried your head in Bucky’s shoulder in pure embarrassment. You looked back up at Steve just in time to watch his face turn bright red. Then he opened his mouth, “I-uh.” He cleared his throat. “I thought you two were fighting.” Then his perverted ways seeped through. “Hahaha, well I guess that argument didn’t last long. We have a few minutes to spare, have fun.” Steve winked at you before practically tripping out of the room.

“Well that killed the mood.”

            Bucky grabbed your waists and leaned up to kiss your neck before responding. “Not for me.”

“Hey, you have work. I don’t want you to be late.”

He groaned and then lifted you off of him. “This.” He said pointing at you and the bed, “is to be continued.”

            You laughed and then watched him disappear out of the room. _Oh boy._

            The remainder of the day consisted of Tony talking on the phone to someone about gamma radiation and the color green. You assumed he was talking to none other than Bruce Banner; maybe you’d meet him one day.  Pepper was at work, and you desperately wished for her company. She was the only other female in the tower, and you needed someone female to talk too. There was just too much testosterone around here.

            You had friends, but what could you possibly talk to them about? You can’t tell them about your new boyfriend and the fact he’s a post Hydra assassin or that your brother is Iron Man. Besides, they didn’t seem too worried about your extended absence anyways. Feeling a bit lonely, you pre-occupied yourself with another book in Pepper’s broad collection. _50 Shades! Haha oh man, does Tony know about this? Hmm…Great Gatsby, Wuthering Heights…Really? Huckleberry Finn? Oh, here you go._ You took out a book you hadn’t particularly read before. It was called, “The Infinite Moment of us” by Lauren Myracle. It seemed to be a teen-romance novel, but you didn’t care.

            You hadn’t realized almost three hours had passed until you heard Tony call for you. “Hey, book worm! You have a visitor.” You closed your book and saw Tony standing near the elevator when it opened.   _Holy crap!_ Right before you, clad in all black and an eye patch, was Nick Fury himself. Tony explained, “Usually he calls but I guess it was urgent.” Fury rolled his eyes at Tony’s sarcastic remark and extended his arm to you. “Hello, (y/n). I understand you aren’t expecting me, but I’ll gladly leave if you have inherited the Stark personality traits.” Fury smirked at you and you chuckled, shaking his hand.

“H-hello, Mr.Fury. It’s a pleasure to-“

“Call me Nick.”

“Okay, Nick. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Yeah, it’s not often you find out that Iron Man has a little sister. It’s also not often you find out that The Winter Soldier has a girlfriend who has been experimented on. So tell me, (y/n), do you or don’t you have the serum similar to Steve Rodgers in your blood?”

            You were shocked by his bluntness and his quick-to-the-point attitude. You rolled up your sleeves to show off your shapely arms and replied, “Yes, Hydra had injected the serum in me as an experiment they had believed would fail. As you can see, it hasn’t.”

“Hmm.” Fury studied your arm and then walked a circle around you before returning front and center.  “Well, we’re going to have to have you come back to S.H.I.E.L.D headquarters, if you don’t mind.”

“Uh, of course. What exactly will I be doing there?”

            Before Fury could reply, Tony blurted out, “Woah, hey. I don’t know about that, Nick. She’s been through hell and high water and I can’t have her going out yet.”

“I am aware of the threats posed against her, equivalent to yours, Rodgers, Barnes, Romanoff’s and any other S.H.I.E.L.D member. Yet, you are here with your own tower, not locked up in a cage. If I recall things correctly, you have defied death too, Stark.”

            For the first time in your life, you saw Tony lost of words. He just stood there, and crossed his arms, looking at you and then back at Nick. Finally, he sighed and threw his hands in the air, “Fine, take her. But, I’m going with. We need to be back before Barnes comes home or he’s going to kill me.”

            Nick chuckled, “Is that fear, Stark?”

“No, it’s me not wanting to have my arms cut off while I’m sleeping because I’m not keeping my promise.”

“Promise?” You asked.

“Shit. Let’s just say that Barnes threatened my life, though I’m not wholesomely worried, if I let you out of the house.”

            You cursed in your head, Bucky is too over-protective.

.

.

.

            As expected, the headquarters was very formal and very technically advanced. You felt a bit under dressed in your jeans, blue and white plaid shirt and, grey sneakers. Everything was white, or so it seemed. It was just very, very clean. The headquarters was buzzing with people on phones, briefcases, shiny shoes, and formal wear. There were two bodyguards following Nick, Tony and yourself as they lead you to an elevator. There were so many floors and it took a couple minutes to actually reach the proper floor.

            When the elevator doors elegantly opened, you were standing in front of a rather large hallway. There were many rooms, and when the bodyguards finally halted in front of one room, you began to feel nervous. _What exactly where you going to do here?_ Nick had pressed his finger print into the scanning device before the door unlocked and opened. As soon as the door opened, there were sounds of metal clinking, water bubbling, and a clicking sound you couldn’t identify.  It was a laboratory of some sort. Many scientists were welding, performing chemical research, or looking through microscopes.

            Nick motioned you to a chair in the far corner of the lab where a woman with a large white over coat strode over to the chair. “Hello, I’m doctor Anderson. I’ll be performing a few tests on you for examination and further research advancements.” She gave a warm smile and you nodded. Nick began talking to Tony and you started to relax a bit. Then the doctor returned with many instruments you were familiar with. She had took many samples of your blood, performed an eye test, checked your blood pressure twice, performed a hearing test, asked for a urine sample, made you spit in a cup, plucked a few hairs, and finally took your temperature.

            By the time you were finished, Tony and Nick had wandered to who knows where and left you alone. The doctor came back after a short while, “Well, you definitively have the side effects of the Serum. You’re heart rate had increased, eye sight and hearing are stronger than normal, metabolism had significantly increased, biotin levels are high and you have an overall clean bill of health.”

“Wow. So, am I finished with the testing?”

“For now, yes. I will call Mr. Fury back to the lab to retrieve you. Thank you for allowing me to perform research. You see, the Serum has never been tested on a female and it is very interesting to see the different effects.”

“Of course, for the sake of science.” You say with enthusiasm. The doctor smiles and then leaves. Within a few minutes you see Tony and Nick and follow them out of the room and back into the elevator. The elevator stops a few times to let others in, and finally you get out at the floor you had entered the headquarters on. As if nothing had changed, people were still buzzing on their cell phones with brief cases and shiny shoes. Then a commotion at the entrance of the headquarters caught your attention. Right in front of you, sweaty and armed S.H.I.E.L.D agents flood through the door with Bucky and Steve leading them. They had obviously finished an assignment early.

            Bucky was laughing with Steve and punching his arm playfully. Then you made eye contact with Steve who froze in his tracks. Bucky followed his gaze and also froze, seeing you. Then, you saw Bucky make quick strides over to you, swaggering as he walked and anger all over. Steve tried catching up to him, giving Tony an angry glare. The body guards stood erect right in front of you and it took little to no effort for Bucky to kick them both aside and grab onto your arm. Pulling you into his chest, he aimed his gun at your brother. “I told you, that she’s not allowed to be here!”

            You tired to wriggle away from Bucky but his grip tightened and you screamed for him to put the gun down. Instead, he let go of your arm and wrapped his metal arm tightly around your waist. You saw Tony’s face get bright red, not in guilt but in anger.

“I dare you to shoot me. She’s not a fucking doll that you can keep in a doll house for the rest of her life. She’s a grown woman and can make her own damn decisions!”

“I asked you to keep her away from here! She could die again! Is that what you want? Huh?!”

            You’ve had enough of this shit. Pretending that his arm was hurting you, you moaned in pain and he instantly loosened his grip. You were able to twist his arm back and knock the gun out of his hand. Grabbing the gun, you emptied the ammo and threw it to the ground. “ENOUGH!” You screamed. You heard Nick chuckle and gave him a glare. He seemed un-moved by it but you were pissed.

            You’ve had it with the guys. You strode over to Steve and grabbed his gun that was strapped to his belt and began walking to the exit. Bucky and Tony yelled after you in unison but you turned around a said sternly, “Do not follow me. I’ll be at the Stark Tower. I can, and I will take care of myself from here on out.” Just like that, you flagged down a taxi and ushered Jarvis to let you in the tower. Then, you made yourself a bowl of cereal, grabbed your book and read smugly until the boys got home. _I need girl time._


	20. Desire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Character gets Drunk and minimal sexual content.

           To your surprise, the guys didn’t show up as swiftly as you had figured. An hour passed, then another. Feeling anxious, you put down the book and paced the tower. Jarvis had spoken unexpectedly, making you jump. “Ms. Stark, I’ve detected an increase in your Cortisol levels.”

“Jarvis!” you shriek, holding your chest.

“My apologies, Ms. Stark.”

“No, it’s alright. What about Cortisone?”  

“Cortisol, a stress hormone secreted by the pituitary gland. I’ve detected an increase, indicating anxiety. Is there anything I could facilitate you with?”

“Oh. Um, I’m just waiting on Tony, Steve and Bucky.”

“Ah, Mr. Stark, Steve Rodgers and James Barnes have an estimated time of arrival in approximately 2 hours.”

“How…?” You stood there a bit dumbfounded.

“Mr. Stark had informed me of a few errands he needed to attend to. I was instructed to assist you and be sure of your arrival at the Stark Tower.”

            You rolled your eyes. _So I’m being baby sat by a talking computer now?_   Feeling it was best to enjoy your alone time, you tried to relieve stress and breathe deeply. “Thank you Jarvis, I appreciate your help.”

“It’s my pleasure.”

            A sly smile crept up on your face as you eyeballed the mini bar. As you were walking towards it, your legs stopped and you began to argue with yourself. _I probably shouldn’t, I don’t want to be an alcoholic…..    But it’s not like I have work or anything._ Feeling a pang of anger from your earlier argument at S.H.I.E.L.D headquarters, you almost ran towards the mini bar. To your greatest pleasure, Tony had restocked the liquor. Your sly smile quickly turned into an ear---to-ear grin. _It’s my day._

            “Jarvis, could you blast some music please? I need an excuse to dance with reckless abandon.” You ask, already feeling the effects of the bottle of Hennessey you just downed. “Of course, may I attain any song preferences?”

“Nope, just press play.”

            Without prolonging things, Jarvis played a saucy R&B song. You couldn’t care what song it was, as long as it had a beat and rhythm you were dancing. Bottle of some expensive bourbon in hand, you were gone in no time. The music reverberated off the walls, every beat and bass drop sent you into a drunken reverie. You swayed your hips, twirled, jumped and danced as if you were never going to again. Night was fast approaching and Jarvis had turned on some cool blue lights for you. You felt like you were dancing in the moonlight. The large open window gave you a magnificent view of the city skyline. The stars were twinkling, your head was spinning, and you never felt so alive.

            Forgetting what time it was, and practically forgetting about time in general, the elevator door had opened. You turned around in time to see Steve and Bucky with their mouth agape and Tony raising his eyebrows in surprise. “Jarvis, I asked you to ease her up and watch her, not get her drunk.” Tony began to scold before grinning and then adding, “You’re a damned genius.”

“It wasn’t my idea, sir.”

            You smiled in Tony’s direction and began to sway your hips again to the thunderous music that was still playing. Swirling, your gaze shifted to Bucky who was still standing outside the elevator with confusion plastered on his face. To ease the eminent tension, you blew him a kiss and winked. Immediately, he began to blink and a smile slowly crept up on his face. He made quick strides over to you and was latching onto your waist. “I thought you were angry with me.” Bucky said, with puppy dog eyes. “I forgive you.” You whisper into his chest.

            Steve and Tony had already taken a seat at the bar, and were watching you with looks of worry. Maybe because of the alcohol, it made you angry. “What’s the problem?” You say a bit too bluntly. Steve drew up his hands, like he was surrendering and shrugged his shoulders before saying, “Nothing! It’s just great to see you let loose. Things have been a little tense lately, you know?” You smile in agreement and then peer at Tony, who simply gave you a smirk and pressed a bottle of bourbon to his lips.

            The night was short lived, to your displeasure. Yet, you were satisfied that you were able to let go. Bucky took care of you the whole night, and he urged you to bed an hour after they had returned. By that time, your body’s increased metabolism had caused your drunkenness to fade rapidly. Tony and Steve kept drinking, however. You had figured Bucky was going to join them after he had put you to bed, but he didn’t.  When he opened the bedroom door you were surprised to find he had done some renovating.

            _He must’ve set this up while Steve and he had to “talk” in the bedroom earlier._ There was no time for feeling deceived, the room looked amazing. It took your breath away. The first thing you noticed was the abundance of flowers, a sweet sentiment that you almost forgotten. Red rose petals and lavender adorned the bed, giving a romantic setting. The room was dimmed and lit only by hanging lanterns from wall to wall. There were also two candles, one on each nightstand that provided a warm ambience. The balcony door was opened, allowing the cool night air to flow through.

            You looked up at Bucky who was beaming behind you. “Do you like it?” You felt an over abundance of bliss, and you reached up to peck his cheek. “I love it.” He grabbed your hand and began to pull you towards the balcony where a table and more lanterns decorated it. Sitting atop the table was a large vase of white roses, and a long black box. The box had your name engraved into it and you steadily reached for it. You looked up at Bucky who was still beaming and urging you to open it.

            When you removed the lid, there in the box was a necklace. It had a medium length, silver chain that shimmered in light. The main piece was a shining crystal; you couldn’t keep your eyes off of it. Bucky explained, “It’s a Sapphire.” You studied the red sapphire and it’s brilliance under the moonlight. It seemed to glow and shine. Bucky took the necklace from you and pushed your hair to your front. He stood behind you and placed the necklace around your neck. It dropped perfectly on your chest, right above the crease of your breasts. You turned around and your eyes began to water slightly.

“Bucky, I love it. What is all this for?”

“I’ve been very protective over you lately…for good reason. But, it doesn’t give it an excuse for me to be an ass. I just want you to understand that I love you, (y/n). Everything thing I do, every breath I take is for you. I want you to be happy, eternally. I’m sorry I made you angry and I’m especially sorry that I felt like you couldn’t fend for yourself. You are stronger than I have ever could’ve guessed and I will let you make your own decisions.”

            You noticed his face grow sullen, and you realized he didn’t want you to make decisions without him. You grabbed his cheek and looked into his eyes before saying, “Bucky, I understand why you feel so protective. I would too, had I lost you. You aren’t an ass, silly. I will always love you, and I never want that to change. You’re mine, as I am yours.” With that, you gave him a passionate kiss on his lips. He accepted willingly and the passion soon turned into burning desire.

            It was time. Though you were ever so nervous, it never felt more right. This is what you wanted; you wanted Bucky to be your first and your last. Everything about him was inviting you, drawing you in. Like a drug, he was intoxicating you. As he rummaged his fingers through your hair and planted kisses on your neck, you breathed him in. His scent was a seductive mixture of pine, musk and sweat. His smell had only made you desire him so much more.

            Withdrawing from his kisses, he looked at you. His flawless features burned you. The soft, warm glow of the lanterns had naturally contoured his face, making him look all the more masculine. He had a sharp jaw line, and that stubble that drove you wild. His lips were pink and plump, kissing was never so comforting. At last, you reached his smoldering gaze. His eyes were a brilliant ocean blue…a perfect contrast, from the fiery desire that was raging within them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter gets more interesting, time to spice it up!


	21. Invested in Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Romantic, Hot and dominant Sex. Enjoy.

            There was a soft pitter-patter of rain on the balcony, the lanterns were shut off and the only light was that of the moon. Satin rays of moon light streamed into the room, giving off a dim-blue light. Looking down at your naked body, you saw a blue silhouette of your legs. Then, you trailed up your own body to your stomach, then arms and the rise of your breasts. As if a soft piano or violin was playing in the background, the room gave a very peaceful setting.

            This was a truly special moment for you. Weighing the odds, you just couldn’t believe how seemingly perfect your first time was going to be. Yet, there you were on a bed of lavender and roses waiting to be beautifully ravished by James Buchanan Barnes. As if he had heard you think of him, Bucky slid his cold metal finger up your leg. The shock of the icy appendage gave you chills, making your nipples stand. You breathed a lust-filled sigh as you grabbed his hand.

“I want you, Bucky.”

            Instantly he made his way on top of you and bent his neck down to place a warm kiss on your neck. You ran your fingers through his hair and he gave a very faint moan. Then he growled into your ear, “I’ve always wanted you.” That did it. Despite the fact he was evidently stronger than you were, you managed to flip him over and straddle him. You leaned down and kissed his lips, then his neck, then down his sculpted chest. He shivered under you, it made you smirk.  You liked that you could make him feel this way, it fueled your craving even more so.

            Every hot kiss you placed on his body had given him the chills. While gradually marking him down his chest, you slid your nails softly across his skin. He liked that a lot. His deep growl gave it away. Then, with your lips dangerously close to his nether regions, you felt his breathing stop. You carried it out, teasing him and practically drawing him to the brink of frustration. Sticking out your tongue, you dragged it lazily back up his chest. He moaned and bucked his hips under you, evidently loathing they way you teased.

            Finally, you met his gaze once more. He cocked his head back and smiled, “This can’t possibly be your first time. You’re making me harder than I’ve ever been before.” Instead of replying you snickered seductively and placed your lips on his neck and hummed. He breathed in frustration and placed both hands on your hips. Pulling your pelvis into his, he slowly grinded against you.

 

            That’s when you noticed he still had his boxers on. You tsk’ed at him and whispered, “This just won’t do.” Removing his hands from your hips, you lowered yourself and removed his boxers with your teeth. Apparently, he had enough of the foreplay. Right when you tossed his boxers to the floor, he lurched up and grabbed you. As if it took him no effort at all, he pulled you under him. He didn’t smile or make any facial expressions. The only evidence of his fervid need for you was his dilated eyes and heavy breathing.

            Without a second’s hesitation, he ravished your breasts. Twisting, sucking, squeezing and biting, you sensed he wasn’t the slow and romantic type. You couldn’t help but moan and whimper in pleasure, yet you still felt the need to make him feel just as good. Taking your hands and tracing the muscles on his back, he groaned and then shot up. Shocked, you stared at his un-moving silhouette. “Bucky?”

     Suddenly, he grabbed a hold of your wrists and bound them with his metal hand above your head. His other hand shot down to your lower regions. He spread your folds open with two fingers and then placed another directly on your clit. You bite your lip, trying to hide your embarrassment and urge to moan. “Hmm…you’re already so wet.”  His words made your cheeks burst into flames. You squeezed your legs shut and tried to wriggle out of his hold. Little did you know he heavily enjoyed playing cat and mouse.

            His grip on your wrists grew tighter, almost to the breaking point. Bucky then grabbed one of your legs and pried it open, holding the other with his leg. “You’re not going anywhere. Tonight, you’re mine.” His threat had scared you but made you even wetter at the same time. I guess you were scared and horny. Finally, your stubbornness kicked in. Bucky may be dominant, but not for long. You gave a seductive laugh and arched your head back. He took that as an indication to proceed as he began to harass your clit.

            Letting out every moan, you wanted Bucky to know how good it felt. Ravishing your clit as he done with your poor nipples, you were dangerously close to climax. Sensing this, he promptly slid one finger into you. The feeling was heavenly, erotic even. As if he took an anatomy class for your body alone, his finger automatically slid over a sensitive bundle of nerves. There was an abrupt tingling sensation and sudden pleasure. You were in euphoria or at least something damned close to it. You were about to tell Bucky you were at your breaking point when he pulled his finger out and halting his movements.

            Growing a bit frustrated, you bucked your hips toward him. _How could he just stop like that?_ Then, you felt it. He grinded his pelvis into yours and you felt his length. Un-intentionally your eyes widened and you became completely interested in it. He grabbed your hand and placed it on his erection. Your hand couldn’t fit around it, the circumference was too vast. Then you slowly slid your hand up it to reveal its sheer length. Accidentally, you let out a “Holy shit.” He growled and removed your hand. Suddenly you began to get panicked.

“Wait! Wait, Bucky! That can’t fit, it won’t fit!”

“It’s not that big, baby. It’ll fit.”

“No, it’s going to hurt!”

            You were absolutely terrified. The thought of something that big penetrating you made you flinch. There was just no way. _I guess the serum truly did enhance everything._

“(y/n), I won’t lie to you. It will hurt, but when has a bit of pain stopped you from doing anything you loved? I know I would never hurt you intentionally, I promise I’ll go slowly. I’ll guide you through it.”

            You wanted him badly; you wanted to feel every inch of him inside of you. The thought burned in your mind. Setting aside the fear of eminent pain, you spread your legs wider for him and said, “I trust you.” With careful hands, he caressed the inside of your thigh and spread your folds to make for an easy entrance. He let go of your wrists and you grabbed the bed sheets. Carefully, he slid the tip of his erection into you. You grew more anxious and wrapped one arm around his neck while the other was still holding on to the bed sheet. Then he slid in another inch.

            You moaned out and wrapped your other arm around him. You could feel yourself stretching, like a muscle being torn. Gritting your teeth, you tried to hold in your screams of pain. “I think this is the wrong way of doing this. I’m going to put it in all at once, so the pain retreats all at once.” You instantly held him tighter and a lonely tear streamed from your eye. “O-okay.”

            Every inch of his erection rammed into you, causing a loud skin-to-skin clap echo through the room. You grabbed the nearest pillow and bit into it hard to stop yourself from screaming in agony. There was blood, you could smell it. You could feel the tip of his length hitting your cervix, his girth pushing against your un-touched walls. He moaned rather loudly and began to quiver. Every slight movement he made had vibrated down his length and into you, making you want to cry in pain. Your walls were pulsing, trying to dispel of whatever was penetrating it. Noticing your pain, Bucky placed a kiss on your neck and kissed every tear that streamed down your cheek.

“I’m sorry; tell me when the pain is gone. I’m so sorry…” Bucky had been very careful not to move but his shaky breath revealed that all he wanted to do was move.

            Although the pain hadn’t ceased you decided to push through it. You bucked your hips under it, expecting pain but were surprised when you were greeted in pure ecstasy. You moaned in absolute bliss and Bucky sucked in air through his teeth. Transforming from man to beast, Bucky unleashed his true desires. As if lust leaked from every pore on his body, he began to thrust into you with reckless abandon.

            You moaned and called his name over and over again with every inch his erection had slammed into you and pulled out of you. Your voice grew hoarse after a while and you were dripping in sweat. Bucky had been very rough from biting your neck to switching positions, some of his post master assassin skills were shining through. His precision, accuracy, strength and stamina had left you in awe and your body even more so.

            In a matter of no time, you were close to climax and Bucky’s already quick pace had gained more speed and momentum. Before you could tell him he began to grunt louder before he growled, “I’m going to climax.” Just like that the two of you broke in harmony, screaming out each other’s names and grabbing hold of the nearest thing to you. When the euphoric climax descended, Bucky fell over to his side next to you. He leaned over and gave you a wet kiss before saying, “I’ve never felt this good before. (y/n), I never want to do this with any other woman ever. Damn it, I love you.” His last words caused him to lift your already sore body into his lap where he planted a zillion kisses on you.

            You’re heart was filled with so much love you actually began to tear up. You returned his kisses and buried your head in his chest. His arms wrapped around you and you felt safe. There was no other place that you’d rather be than in his arms. You and he were invested to be in love. After the sex, all was left was pure passion. Lying down, you snuggled into him and the two of you lay quiet. The tranquil scent of rain washed away the musky smell of sex and left behind a sweet lullaby. With the balcony door still ajar, you and Bucky fell asleep. The moonlight blanketed the two of you as the cold night air kept you intertwined in his embrace. Never in your life, had you felt so satisfied, so loved and so whole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like writing with passion, than being too blunt. I prefer poetic qualities, so please tell me if I did alright with this chapter. This was sort of out of my comfort zone, but nonetheless fun.


	22. Alter Ego

          There was a cold breeze nipping at your skin when you awoke. Noticing you had left the balcony door open throughout the night, the room had practically felt like the Arctic. You shivered. Then you realized why there was a lack of warmth, Bucky was gone. He had work today with Steve. Sighing, you rolled over to his side of the bed and grabbed his pillow. _Yes, his smell lingered._ You hugged the pillow tightly and after a while the bathroom door suddenly opened. Bucky, standing naked in all his glory, exited sleepily. He looked at you through hooded eyes and yawed. Then he picked you up effortlessly, wrapping his arms around you and the pillow.

            Giggling like a school girl, you kissed his chest and asked, “Bucky, don’t you have work?” Then his blue eyes shot open and he sprang out of bed. He began to mumble something in Russian, you assumed, and threw on boxers. You began to laugh realizing he had completely forgotten.  He started his sentence in Russian and ended in English, “…..never been late in my life!” He hurriedly strapped himself into his suit and then ran over to kiss you. Despite his tardiness, he took time to make the kiss passionate and it warmed your heart. Shooing him out the room, he left promptly.

            “Ugh, I guess I should rise too.” Once you swung your left leg off the bed, all you felt was pain and soreness. Carefully making your way to the bathroom, you stare at your naked body in shock. Bruises had been sprinkled on your body, some bigger than others and some shaped distinctively. There were bluish/black bruises around your wrists in the shape of Bucky’s hand and two more hand imprints on your hips. Your breasts had hardly even looked like them, being mauled last night. When you turned around, there were bite marks and more bruises scattered on basically every part of your body. _I look like a Dalmatian._

              After painfully showering off all the sweat built up from the night before, you eased yourself into jeans, a floral blouse and a cardigan to mask the hand imprints lining your arm. Noticing the hickeys and bite marks on your neck, you throw on a scarf and then leave the bedroom.

            When you walked into the kitchen/living area everyone including Bucky and Steve were huddled around, talking. Noticing your arrival, Tony punched Steve’s arm and he turned around to look at you. Smiling you asked, “Hey, I thought you two were supposed to be at work?” Steve’s gaze shifted off of you and he eyeballed Bucky before saying, “Yeah, well Nick got replacements for the assignment today. There’s no reason to show up. But, I don’t blame Bucky…I heard you two hit it off.” Tony rubbed his temples and sneered, “Ha, that’s an understatement.” You looked at Tony who seemed to have gotten little to no sleep. Your face turned a bright crimson and stood there dumfounded. Bucky spoke up, “My apologies.”

            Steve and Tony burst into laughter, holding their sides and began to joke around like children.  Defending yourself, you countered, “Yeah, speaking of…I don’t recall any point in time when I heard Pepper get that loud.” Being the child Steve was, he began to laugh hysterically while poking Tony. Bucky snorted before laughing a bit and then sprang to your side to give you a peck on the cheek. “Good morning, you look beautiful. Looks like we have the whole day together.”

“Hmm, is that so? Well, what do you have planned?”

“I was thinking maybe the beach or something. We need to get out of the hous-uh-tower.”

“No, I can’t,” You say quickly thinking about how your body looked at the moment.

            Bucky gives you a confused look and you pull down your scarf slightly to reveal your neck which looked more like an animal had viciously attacked you there. His face reflected horror and he took his metal finger and traced one of the more distinctive bite marks. Forgetting there were two other people in the room, Bucky had pulled off your scarf and cardigan to see what he had done to you. He gasped loud enough to catch Steve and Tony’s attention.  

            In just a matter of seconds, testosterone had flared in all three men. Tony ran-walked over to you and grabbed both arms. Turning them over, he spat at Bucky, “Jesus Barnes. What did you do to her? She’s covered in bruises. I don’t recall sex being on the verge of domestic violence.”  Steve was already by your side, surveying your neck. Bucky stood there in shock, expressionless. You could see his mouth try to formulate words but nothing came out. You spoke up for him, “Bucky never intentionally hurt me. In fact, he was very patient with me. Last night was one of the best nights of my life.” Tony looked at you as if you belonged in a mental hospital.

“Do you see your neck?” Tony then questioned Bucky, “Why were you biting her, like this?”

“I-I don’t know.” Bucky said still expressionless.

“Buck, what were you thinking of when you were doing it?” Steve asked.

“Well, there was a point where I felt like I was losing myself. Like, The Winter Soldier was still part of me. I tried to gain control, but it was like my body was resisting me. My head began to hurt and there was an odd feeling of pain and pleasure. Next thing I knew, I was biting down into her and holding her arms…but at the time I thought that’s just how I had sex.”

            You remember when he began biting you. It hurt, but it intermingled with the pleasure. The pleasure outranked the pain, which is probably the reason why many alarms didn’t go off in your head. Tony let go of your arms and ran his head through his hair, “Great, so we have a confused post master assassin who, at any given moment, could turn on us.”

            Steve rolled his eyes, “He won’t just turn back, Tony. I think the over abundance of sensation Bucky was receiving became too much for him. Maybe, The Soldier is still there but just suppressed.”

“Makes sense, I mean you’ve gone what? Decades… many years of knowing nothing other than to be Hydra’s weapon. There’s a possibility that your alter ego lingers in you, and my sister is a fine example.”

            Bucky, who still had the expression of a rock, finally began to speak, “Well, if whatever you are saying is true…then I need help. Right, is there therapy or something I can do? I can’t risk turning into a murder every time (y/n) and I have sex.”

“I’m not sure that any professional has experience with situations like yours, Barnes. But, maybe there’s some sort of cognitive recalibration we can do. I know Natasha has mastered the fine arts of that subject.” Tony began to pace.

“Who’s Natasha?” Bucky asks.

“You’ve met her. She’s known as The Black Widow. She knows a bit about being under Soviet control.” Steve explained.

 

            There hadn’t been much thought about the possibility that The Winter Solider was still alive in Bucky. Yes, you were worried beyond a doubt. However, you had faith in him. He had remembered you even after brainwashing. In fact, the brainwashing had completely failed because he remembered you. There was no way that Bucky could relapse and become the gruesome man he once was, or never really was. Besides, had it been vice versa, you would only hope that Bucky would have faith in you. As the days went on, never had you mentioned the subject of his possible alter ego.

            “Alright, you ready?” Tony dangled his car keys in his hand and was ready to go. The three of you: Tony, Bucky, and you were getting ready to meet up with Natasha at S.H.I.E.L.D headquarters. Steve would’ve tagged along if he didn’t promise to visit his old friend, Peggy.

“Hey, Stark. You’re looking the same as usual.” Natasha spoke calmly towards your brother and he rolled his eyes at her remark.

“Mrs. Romanoff, or did you change your name again?” Natasha smirked and then shifted her gaze over to you.

“Judging by the way The Soldier is hovering over you and the fact you are wearing a scarf when it’s sunny out, you must be (y/n).”

            You were surprised by her quick deductions. She really is a professional. You offered her your hand.

“Yep, that’s me.”

            When Natasha didn’t shake your hand, you assumed she was only taking precautions. You can’t blame her, Bucky tried to kill her last time they met and you were his girlfriend. Her glare shifted from your hand to Bucky.

“And you, do you remember who I am?”

“A little.” Bucky shifted uncomfortably.

            Natasha gave a silent hmph and glared at Tony who quickly threw his hands up. You were very reluctant to leave Bucky in a room alone with her. You were scared, not for her sake but for his. The Black Widow was a file you had briefly viewed and from the bit you read, she is lethal. Regardless, you kissed Bucky before exiting and waited in the hallway of the office.

            It had only been 15 minutes before you heard what sounded like a war had erupted in the office. Without even registering it all, you swiftly kicked open the office door. Bucky had pinned Natasha to the ground and was choking her with so much force that his face was turning bright red. Her face was the shade of purple. In no time, you had used every shred of strength in your body to heave Bucky off of her. Instantly, Natasha began inhaling and coughing. She was inhaling with so much vigor that you figured if you hadn’t got him off in time, she may have had her throat crushed.

            Before you were able to get to Natasha and assist her, you were tackled from behind. Bucky was pinning you down and pushed a knife centimeter away from your face. As he was pushing the knife down, you were trying your hardest to keep his metal arm up. Obviously, his metal arm was significantly stronger than yours and just before you were about to give, Bucky was blasted by a blue beam of light. The beam shot him straight through the office walls.

            Tony was standing in the doorway with his Ironman arm attached to him. You looked over and saw Natasha making quick strides over to you. “Are you alright?”

“Are you?” You were way more concerned about her.

            She gave you a quick side smirk and then pulled you up. Instantly, the two of you had stared at the gaping hole in the office wall and Bucky’s mangled body covered in plaster and rubble. He began to groan and lifted his head to peer up at Natasha and you. “So, did I do okay?” Obviously recollecting himself, you couldn’t help but snort in complete disbelief. Natasha practically did the same and strode over to him. You helped her bring Bucky to his feet and his face mirrored guilt.

            Once he seemed to have registered what had happened he turned towards Natasha to, as assumed, apologize. That’s when she gave Bucky a hard punch to the nose. You flinched, he fell to the floor. He tensed up and stood before her, nose bleeding and obviously broken by its distorted appearance. Tony snorted and unsuccessfully tried to stifle his evil laughs.  Hell, you didn’t blame her. In fact, you idolized the way Natasha handled things. Bucky spat some blood on the floor and wiped his mouth.

“I deserved that.”

“Yet, you’re not even fazed. I’m sure you’ve gotten more nose jobs than you can count, being Hydra’s bitch.” Natasha was glowering at him. If looks could kill, Bucky would’ve been so, so, so dead.

            Bucky said nothing, instead gave a deep gulp. She kept staring at him before she swiped his legs and he voluntarily let her. He fell hard, but he sprang up just as quick. Showing much restraint, he stood erect and held his hands firmly to his sides. You almost felt sorry for him, surely he didn’t deserve this much punishment. After all, The Soldier and Bucky Barnes are two different people. Before you could intervene when you saw him brace for another lethal punch, Tony grabbed Natasha’s shoulder.

“Jesus, Nat,  c’mon now! I know he’s on your shit-list but you’re supposed to rid of his alter ego, not antagonize it!”

“Stark, you don’t know how it is to have someone play with your head. It consumes you, unless you are brave enough to confront it. Yes, I am provoking The Solider. He needs to learn to control him, to dispel of him. We can’t destroy the nest unless we kill the Queen.”

            A lot of what Natasha said made perfect sense. Bucky needed her, and you needed to accept that Natasha knew what was best for him. Tony quickly backed down and the two of you watched as Natasha angered Bucky. Yet, he maintained his poise for a whole 2 hours.

You asked Tony to take Bucky to the car while you talked with Natasha.

“Is he showing progress?” You were hoping for a positive answer.

“Well, he’s doing well given it’s his first time.”

“Great. How often will he be seeing you?”

“Twice a week, minimum. Listen, Barnes is the product of brainwashing, exposure, and torment for many decades. He won’t just revert back to his post-war state. In fact, he will never be that man again. Bucky will have PTSD, he will have nightmares, he will become suicidal…but he will heal. I’m relying on you to be patient with him and understanding. After today, I realize how many barriers he’s already conquered on his own. He’s learned to love which is one of the hardest things to do after what’s happened to him. It took me years to finally open up to the world. However, with you, he’s found salvation and strength. He’s got to hold on to that.”  

            You smiled, not knowing exactly the right words to say. You’re eyes watered and she, surprisingly, held her arms out for an embrace. Willingly, you hugged her. She pulled away and grabbed both of your shoulders. “There IS hope. You are a strong woman, (y/n). I like that about you. Maybe one day, we can get a drink together. I know a great spot downtown.”

“That sounds perfect, Natasha. Thank you, honestly.”

“Call me Nat. It’s friendlier.”

            She gave you her cell phone number for emergencies and bar-dates. You couldn’t have been any happier. First of all, your boyfriend will be receiving the treatment he needs. Secondly, you’ve made friends with someone you don’t have to hide from, someone who understands. Best of all, she’s a fucking girl for a change. 

 


	23. Tavern

 

            It’s been a whole week since Bucky’s first therapy session. Since then, his schedule had been very strenuous. Not only had his latest assignments been difficult, he had to switch gears and attend Natasha’s “therapy” sessions. Basically he was being pushed to his absolute limits every day, mentally or physically. On Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays he was doing both. Along with the constant fatigue, he was suffering. Badly. Yet, he never uttered a complaint once. He isolated himself, finding every scanty excuse to be away from you. First, it was that he was tired all the time. He wanted to sleep when you wanted to talk or take a quick nap after work before therapy.

            Then, he was irritated over everything. When you accidentally left the balcony door open and a bird flew in, he: snapped the bird’s neck, threw it off the balcony, and slammed the doors shut. When you tried to lighten the mood by saying, “What did the bird ever do to you?” he glared at you and went to bed. He used to kiss you before work, now he gets up and leaves. His charming ways were diminishing and a darker, more hostile side of Bucky had been evoked.

            It was a Wednesday afternoon, Bucky had gotten off of work and ducked into the bedroom to nap. It was a normal occurrence so you left him alone and continued cleaning Tony’s kitchen even though he had housekeepers for it. As you were scrubbing a plate, your cell phone began to buzz. Without checking the caller ID, you answered.

“Hey (y/n), let James know that he does not need to come in today.”

“Oh hey Nat. He will be thrilled. Have you been called in on assignment?”

“No, I actually need to see you tonight. Steve called me and informed me of some things and I figured we should try to work it out over drinks.”

“Is something wrong?”

“With your boyfriend, yes. We will discuss it over some well needed cocktails.”

“Okay, sounds good.”

            After securing a great bar downtown, you scurried to your bedroom to find some clothes that were better suited for public. When you opened the door, you saw Bucky sprawled out on the bed snoring. He looked so peaceful for once. His mouth was wide open, hair in his face, his suit still on and a glimmer of drool pooling on his pillow. _I’ll wash them later._ A subtle smile played at the edges of your lips and you watched him briefly.

            Tip toeing to the closet, you chose your favorite jeans with those little jewels on the buttons and back pockets, a floral blouse, white wedges and matching jewelry. You stepped out of the closet and crept into the bathroom where you applied light makeup and fixed your hobo hair. Looking in the mirror, you shocked yourself. _Jeeze, I should look less homeless more often._ You exited the bathroom and jumped when you saw Bucky standing outside. “SHIT! Don’t scare me like that!” You hit him on the chest playfully but his expression remained cold.

“Hey, Nat called and told me that you don’t have therapy today…”

            His eyes closed and he swallowed.

“You mean my I’m-fucking-crazy-so the-best-way-to-help-is-to-beat-me-senseless session?”

            The words stung you. You gave him a pained look.

“We can stop going all together…we can find different ways to help you.” The words came out as a mumble and your head drooped. You didn’t want to look him in the eyes.

“Then, what? How many days until I go fucking assassin and try to kill you? You don’t understand.”

“Tell me. If I don’t understand then fucking talk to me! I love you and you have been avoiding me like the plague. I need to know what’s going on inside your head, Bucky.”

“Why do you call me Bucky?”

            His response floored you. _What did his name have to do with all of this?_

“I call you Bucky because that’s your nickname. If you don’t like it I can call you James. Why?”

“Because. I’m not Bucky anymore. I’m not James anymore. I don’t know who I am anymore.”

“You’re right.”

            His face mirrored shock as he gave you a questioning look.

“We will talk about this later when you’ve rested. I still love you, whoever you claim to be. I’ve got a date with Nat and don’t try to stop me. I will call you ‘мое сердце’ from now on.”

            His shocked expression grew then, faltered into a little smile. It was nice to see him smiling again. He gave you a hug and kissed your forehead. “Have fun.”

 

           

            The bar was aptly named “Buck’s Tavern.” You couldn’t help but laugh. _What were the odds?_ When you entered, you saw Natasha sitting over a round table with tall chairs. She looked stunning in her slim black dress and red stilettos to match her vibrant hair. Instantly you felt under dressed. She looked over in your direction and waved a pretty looking drink in the air with a smirk on her face.

“Its 7’o clock somewhere?”

“Nah, I just like cocktails.”

            You smiled at her response and ordered one for yourself before getting down to the nitty gritty.

“So, is Steve tagging along?”

“No, I opted for girl’s night out. I don’t have many girl friends in my line of work.”

“Ditto.”

            She smiled and then cleared her throat.

“As much as I would love to drink our problems away, we have things to discuss. First off, Barnes is doing great in therapy. He has been progressing quite eloquently.”

“Really?” Your eyes lit up. “He doesn’t talk about it.”

“Yeah, well I decided to give you good news first. Here’s the bad news, he’s having major identity issues. He doesn’t seem to know who he is anymore.”

“I figured. We had a conversation earlier and he told me that he wasn’t Bucky or James.”

“Interesting. Who did he say he was?”

“He didn’t.”

            She furrowed her brows and began to sip on drink number 2. There was a small stretch of silence as Natasha was sorting ideas in her head, so it seemed. You decided to take in your surroundings. The bar was country-rustic themed. There were three pool tables at the far end of the bar and dart boards at the other. Deer heads were plastered all over the walls and the people seemed happy and humble. They were quite the contrast from normal, mean mugging, city dwellers. It was definitely not the type of bar you pictured as Natasha’s favorite. _Different strokes for different folks._ You didn’t mind, however. The tavern grew on you.

“Steve told me something interesting today.”

            Your gaze shifted back to Natasha whose face was ambiguous but eyes screamed worry. “What did he say?”

“Well, he called me earlier and explained of some weird behavior during a regular assignment he and Barnes were on.”

            She shifted her gaze to her drink then back onto mine. You could tell that she didn’t want to tell you.

“Tell me.”

“Steve said that for the past few weeks now Bucky had been writing in a journal after every assignment. Which isn’t bad, I told him to do so. However, one day he ripped the journal in half and threw it out of the helicopter as they were leaving a mission location.”

“Why is that bad?”

“Well Steve asked him about it and Barnes only response was that ‘my thoughts don’t matter because they aren’t my own.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“It’s the identity issues. But that’s not the only problem. Steve was able to recover two pieces of the journal that was air pressed to the side of the chopper.”

            She halted and sipped again.

“Go on.”

“The journal entries were nothing but your name written over and over again on the lines. Both pages, front and back had your name. Except one line, which was written in Russian. It read, “Rid of the problem, before she rids of you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> мое сердце - "My heart"


	24. Rouge

            You stared at Natasha in disbelief. _What the hell does that mean?_ You went over what Natasha said over again into your mind. _Rid of the problem, before she rids of you… Bucky would never….._ “Nat, this doesn’t make any sense.”

“Again, it’s his identity issues. Though, I just put the puzzle pieces together. Earlier you mentioned how Barnes stated that he wasn’t himself, correct?”

“Right.” You took a large gulp of your cocktail and looked around for any eavesdroppers.

“Pay attention. We are out of earshot from anybody. In the chopper, Barnes told Rodgers that his thoughts aren’t his own.” She raised an eyebrow in your direction.

            _Shit._ That explains why he is avoiding you, why he doesn’t show affection and why he’s been especially irritable. He didn’t even tell you he loved you before you left, after all you said to him. He made no effort to stop you from leaving with Natasha. All of this is coming together because he’s not Bucky. You widened your eyes and instantly felt panicked.

“YOU MEAN-“

“Sh!!” Natasha smiled at all the gawking people before giving you a cold glare. “Don’t make a scene.”

“S-sorry. It’s just that I thought the therapy was working, he was supposed to be getting better.”

“That’s what I thought too until you told me that last bit about what he said during your conversation with him.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, the point of the therapy is to get him to evoke and then suppress The Soldier. I felt he was doing better because he had no more violent outbursts, he simply took the beating. That’s what he’s been trained to do, take beatings and follow orders.”

“He was the Soldier the whole time.”

“Yes, but not completely. He’s reverting, almost choosing to be The Soldier. We’ve got to figure out why and how to stop him before he loses it.”

“Do you think The Soldier wants Bucky to rid of you, hence the journal?”

“No, (y/n), I think it’s you. I’ve been blindly helping him. However, it’s you who makes Barnes suppress The Soldier and in return The Soldier wants to rid of you.”

                        Chills ran up your spine. _My boyfriend’s alter ego wants to fucking kill me._ You downed your drink and motioned to the bartender for drink number 2. Natasha sat patiently, waiting for you to respond. You didn’t know what to say, let alone how to react to the situation.

“Nat, what do I do?” You forced your eminent tears into the back of your head.   

            She looked into your eyes and grabbed your hand.

“I think that you should stay with some relatives or friends until I can talk to Stark about the situation. We need eyes on him. I think I may have to inform Fury.”

            You stared at the ring of water created from your drink. _Bucky, James, The Winter Soldier…what have they done to you?_

“Nat, I can’t just leave him. Not after all we’ve been through.”

“(y/n), I don’t want you to take that chance. He’s unstable and furthermore dangerous. His intentions were clear, he wants to hurt you.”

 

 

            After a few more drinks, you gave Natasha a hug and left the Tavern. You ensured her that you would leave tomorrow. As for tonight, you needed to re-cooperate and organize your thoughts.

            When you arrived back to the tower, you realized that Tony nor Pepper were home. _Must be on a date or something._ As the elevator climbed to the main floor, you phoned Steve who texted you to call him after Natasha’s date. The phone rang for a while before he answered.

“Hey, (y/n). Home safe?”

“Yeah, just got here. What’s up?”

“How were things with Natasha?”

“It’s a lot to take in.”

“Have you talked to Buck yet?”

“No not yet, I don’t know how to face him.”

“Just play it off, try not to get him worked up. I called Stark to see if it was alright to swing by and crash. I didn’t tell him that it was for the event that Buck might go haywire.”

“Steve, I’m sure everything is fine.”

“Fine doesn’t cut it with me. I’ll be there in 20.”

            Steve hung up as you were exiting the elevator into the main floor. The lights were off and everything was in its place, as you left it. _Bucky must be sleeping._ You turned on the kitchen light and got a glass of water before checking up on him. As expected, he was sound asleep. He was on the bed, upside down with his metal arm over his eyes and snoring up a storm. _How could he want to hurt me, he’s too peaceful._

            After leaving the room and leaving the glass of water on the nightstand, you began to make your way to the guest bedroom and make it comfortable for Steve. When you tried to open the door, it didn’t budge. _Tony must’ve locked it._ You ran your finger across the touchpad on the side of the door and typed in the passcode to unlock the doors.

“I’m sorry, Ms. Stark. I have been given specific orders to keep this room locked.”

“Jarvis, what are you talking about?” You typed the passcode in again and it failed.

“I’m sorry, Ms. Stark. I have been given specific orders to keep this room locked.”

“I need to make the bed before Steve gets here, let me in.”

“I cannot authorize passage unless I am given consent.”

“Under whose orders?”

“Mr.Barnes, ma’am.”

            _What?_ How could he have that type of authority over Jarvis unless Tony gave it to him?

“Well, I veto those orders. Let me in Jarvis.”

“Ms.Stark, it is for your own protection.”

“Did Tony approve of this crap?”

“I was given orders to protect you by Mr. Stark. The contents in this specific room may cause emotional trauma. James Barnes had ordered me to keep it from you for your protection.”

“Jarvis, please.”

“Mr. Barnes will not be pleased.”

“Open the damn door, now.”

            As you heard the door unlock, your heartbeat began to race. _What could possibly be in here that could cause so much drama?_ When the door swung open, you gasped in horror.

            The moment you stepped foot inside a waft of musty, sweaty, air filled your nose. You ran to the window to get some fresh air and realized that it was nailed shut. Turning around, you began to scan the room. There were murals on the wall, very graphic and depressing. The first one was a detailed portrait of you with a crown or roses. It was beautiful, until you noticed the bundle of throwing knifes protruding from where your heart would be. You covered your mouth with your hand to stop from screaming as you saw the second mural. It was a portrait of himself, prying his head open with his metal arm. There were words, in Russian, which you couldn’t translate. It read, “Мы едины. Оставьте нам быть.” On a wall adjacent from the mural filled one, there were chains and an assortment of guns adorning it. The bed had been stripped and the sheets were thrown into a corner to be forgotten. You couldn’t handle the room any longer.  You didn’t want to uncover any more secret murals or weapons, it was too much for you.

            When you turned around to open the door, you saw some engraved writing. It read, “Do not fight me when I take away your precious life.” That was it. You had tears streaming down your face and were seconds from collapsing in a pile of sobs. You threw open the door and ran right into a pair of strong arms that caught you as you fell to the floor.

“(y/n)! Hey, what’s going on?”

            Sobs rippled from your body and you just sat in his arms crying. You tried to explain to him, but your words failed you. “He’s not o-okay! Bucky…my B-bucky.” Steve looked beyond worried and he carried you over to the couch then made his way to the room. “No, S-steve.”

            A few moments passed by and you were able to pull yourself together. Sure enough, Steve emerged from the room with horror evident in his eyes. He ran-walked over to you and scooped you up in his arms. “Steve-what are you-.”

“I’m getting you out of here. It’s not safe, (y/n) I’m so sorry.”

“Steve put me down, please. We have to get him help!”

“We will, I will call Fury. First we need to alert Stark and get you to safety. Do you have everything you need for the night?”

“Steve! Listen! He is unstable, he can’t just be handed over to S.H.I.E.L.D, you know that!”

“He is going to kill you. He’s already tried! We need to get you out of here, understand?”

“What?!”

            You looked at him in disbelief. Obviously if The Soldier tried to kill you, you would be the first to know. He seemed to register your lack of information and then worry flashed through his eyes again.

“You didn’t look in the closet, did you?”

“No, Steve, I couldn’t even handle the murals. He is so confused-.”

“I know he’s confused! I know he’s lost, but that’s not our main concern. That closet contained journals with entries filled of failed murder attempts on you. The latest one was dated last night, (y/n).”

            You stood there, in shock. Steve grew impatient and he swooped you up again and ran to the elevator. Everything became a blur as Steve ran from the elevator to the main entrance and then to his car. He put you down when he saw Tony’s car pull up into the driveway. Pepper and Tony rushed toward you and Steve.

“Jarvis informed me of what happened. We came as soon as we could, is Barnes still-.”

            Before Tony could get his last words out, a roaring scream ripped from the tower and as you looked up, you saw Bucky’s body falling from the tower with glass shards plummeting down along with him. He fell to the ground with his metal arm first to stop the vibrations and stood up in front of Steve with dark-wild eyes and a pistol pointed straight at his head.

            Everybody froze. You could hear Steve’s heartbeat and Pepper’s shortage of breath. The glass shards crushed under Tony’s weight shift towards Steve. Suddenly, Bucky’s eyes shifted from Steve, to his gun. His angry gaze softened and his hand began to tremble. He looked up at you with pain in his eyes and muttered, “I’m so sorry, baby.” Without skipping a beat, he brought the gun to his head and pulled the trigger.


	25. Terminated

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (James Barnes/The Winter Soldier Point of View)

**_WAKE UP_ **

_No, I’m tired._

**_WAKE UP_ **

_What?_

**_COMPLETE YOUR MISSION_ **

_My mission. Complete my mission. Yes._

**_QUICK_ **

_Quick. Complete my mission quickly. Yes._

            Your eyes sprang open. You were already sitting upright in the bed. It was time to complete your mission. Rearing your head to her spot, you grew alarmed when she wasn’t sleeping there as normal.

_Where is she? Where is my target?_

**_QUICK_ **

_Finish my mission. Quick. Yes…No. Where is my Target?_

**_FIND HER. QUICK_ **

_Find her. Yes._

As you got up, you looked over at the glass of water on the nightstand. Behind the water was a photo. It was her, your target.

_No, that’s not my target. That is (y/n). Not target. Never target._

You heard shuffling behind your door and muffled words. It sounded like Steve and (y/n). As you tried to get up, he wouldn’t let your feet move.

_Not target, mission terminated. Never target, I love her._

**_TARGET LOCATED. COMPLETE MISSION. QUICK_ **

_NEVER TARGET. MISSION TERMINATED_

**_QUICK_ **

  “NO!” You gained control of your feet and began to walk towards the bedroom door. You opened it and saw nobody there. “(y/n)? Babe, are you home?” There was silence. The kitchen was empty, the living room was empty and the main floor was empty. As you began to head to the elevator you saw the guest bedroom door wide open.

_NO!_

**_YES, TARGET LOCATED. COMPLETE MISSION._ **

            Running towards the room, you were stopped by Jarvis.

“Sir, you seem unstable. I have contacted Stark. Please remain in your bedroom for your own protection."

“Jarvis! Did (y/n) go in this room?”

“Yes.”

_NO!_

 When you entered the room, you found everything in its place except for the closet door. There were your journal entries with “Mission failed” plastered on each date including the one from last night. “Damn it!” You threw the journals across the room.

_Channel your anger, like you did last night._

Last night, you chained yourself to the wall because The Soldier tried to kill her again. The night before that, you tried throwing knives at the mural of yourself but The Soldier kept aiming them at the mural of her. The night before that, you drew the mural of her to remind yourself that she is never a target.

**_ALWAYS TARGET. COMPLETE MISSION QUICK_ **

_Never. Get out of my head._

**_I AM YOU. WE ARE ONE_ **

_We aren’t, never was._

**_WHOLE_ **

_Whole. Yes._

            The Soldier made you walk out of the room and to the window.

**_LOOK. THEY TAKE HER FROM US. QUICK_ **

_Yes, take her from us._

**_SHE IS LEAVING YOU. QUICK_ **

_She is leaving me? NO!_

**_TARGET LOCATED. STEVE RODGERS. HE TAKES HER FROM YOU._ **

_He takes her from me. Target located. Mission activated._

            You grabbed the pistol from your bedroom and ran towards the window. You jump out of the window.

**_COMPLETE MISSION. QUICK_ **

            Falling to the ground, you aim to land in front of your target. To prevent from hurting yourself, you fall on your metal arm to stifle vibrations. Without skipping a beat, you aim gun at target.

**_COMPLETE MISSION NOW_ **

_Complete mission now. Yes._

            You looked into target’s eyes.

_Pull trigger._

**_PULL TRIGGER._ **

_What is that sound?_

            Before you could complete your mission, you heard a familiar sound. A heartbeat. Her heart beat. It soothed you, it was a lullaby. It was racing, it was scared. Her heart was scared.

_Of me._

**_QUICK_ **

_He is never target. I love him, he is my friend._

**_NOW_ **

_She is scared of me._

**_COMPLETE MISSION_ **

You looked into her eyes. So beautiful, her eyes were. She was scared. It made you scared.

_What have I become? She is never target. He is never target._

**_ALWAYS TARGETS_ **

_Never targets. I love them. Never again._

“I’m so sorry, Baby.”

_Target located. The Winter Soldier. Mission activated, pull trigger._

.

.

.

“Bucky, Bucky can you hear me?”

_Mission accomplished. Winter Soldier Terminated._


	26. T.A.H.I.T.I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve Rodgers/ Captain America Point of View

“BUCK-NO!”

 Before you could make an effort to knock the gun out of his hand, a bullet had already exited out the other side of his head. All that was left was to catch his body before he collapsed to the floor. His wide eyes were glossed over and his last expression before he took his life was utter fear. It was the train incident all over again. Flash backs of his fear-ridden face as he fell from your grasp on that cold day crossed your mind. It was the worst feeling, to have lost someone so close to you…a brother. But then, he was alive again and you swore to protect him. You swore to keep him by your side, even if he wasn’t the Bucky who fell from the train.

Yet, there he was. Your best friend, brother and close comrade lying in your arms with blood dripping from his mouth and hair. Suddenly, you couldn’t see his face that well…you were crying. Then you heard her, a blood curdling scream ripped from (y/n’s) mouth as she scrambled over to his limp body. You wanted to console her, she loved him. But so did you.

“Bucky, please…baby! Babe, please wake up…”

            Her pleas made the tears in your eyes turn into rivers. _Oh, Bucky…you big, stupid, jerk._

“Stark, can’t you bring him back?! We can freeze him! He will heal….right?” You were practically screaming at Stark, who stood there in shock as Pepper sobbed into his shoulder.

“I…” He shook his head and gave you an apologetic look, “Cap, this is a head wound. It would make more sense if he shot himself in the leg…but his head.” He dropped his head down in defeat and Pepper began to rub his back while sobbing even harder.

            You looked around frantically for answers. _He can’t be dead. He’s too resilient._ Looking at (y/n), you expected her to be a snot-faced ball of tears but, she wasn’t. She was leaning over him with her head on his chest, tracing swirls on his cheek. Her face was turned away from you, but you could tell she was crying by her shaking body and occasionally sniffles. You touched her shoulder. She lifted her head and looked up at you with dead eyes and makeup running down her face.

“Steve, he was your best friend.” She began to shake with a new wave of tears.

“He was the love of your life…”

“He was an asshole.” You reeled your head over at Stark, who looked somber, but apparently had no filter.

“Shut up Tony! He’s been nothing but help for you and your damned industry!”

“He took his life and didn’t even think twice of the people who cared for him! Don’t tell me that he’s helping anybody here!”

“Both of you, cut it out.” You silenced Stark and (y/n). You lifted Bucky up and out of her embrace and carried him towards the tower and into the laboratory wing. There, you set his body on a metal table and collapsed into a nearby chair.

            A few minutes passed before (y/n) joined you in the chair across the table. Nobody uttered a word and grieved in silence. It wasn’t long until you began to drift into a tear-induced nap.

.

.

.

 

“Steve, I’m here for you till the end of the line.” Bucky was in an old army uniform with a freshly shaved face, short hair and no metal arm. He was smiling wholesomely at you, smiling down at you. You were in your post-serum state.

“Then, why did you leave us.”

            His smile faded as he looked behind you. You whirled around and saw him, except this time he was long haired, metal armed and rouge. You were talking to two Bucky’s. The long haired one cocked his head to the side, as if listening to something that was inaudible to you. Suddenly, he withdrew a pistol and pointed it straight at you.

“No, Buck, it’s me!” You turned around to see the other Bucky, freshly shaven and post serum, pointing a pistol at the rouge Bucky. He looked you in the eyes and smiled again, “He won’t hurt you again. I’m so sorry.”

            The gunshot from your dream caused you to spring from your nap and out of your chair. For a moment, you forgot you where you were. _Lab…right._ You saw that (y/n) had left her seat sometime while you were napping. Then you noticed that Bucky’s body was gone. Newly alarmed, you rushed out of the lab where you bumped into Natasha, who was exiting the elevator.

“Whoa, slow down there Cap. It would be sad to see two casualties in one day.”

“Nat, where’s Bucky?”

“You mean his body? It’s being taken to S.H.I.E.L.D headquarters with Fury. I was told to fetch you, in case you wanted to tag along.”

“What? Why is he being taken there?”

“Come on.”

            You followed Natasha into the elevator and out the main entrance where S.H.I.E.L.D personnel scattered the expansive driveway. Your eyes narrowed into tunnel vision when you saw Nick Fury hovering over Buck’s body on a gurney.

“Fury.”

“Captain, I apologize for the informalities of this situation.”

“Why are you taking him?” You glared at him.

“We may have a solution to your little problem here.”

“Problem? You mean you can bring him back?”

“Well, yes. But before, I get down into details, you may need to help control his girlfriend.”

Your mood shifted dramatically the moment he said yes. _We’re getting you back, Buck._

 _“_ What’s wrong with (y/n)? Didn’t you tell her the news?”

“She can’t know of this specific news, what we are prepared to do may or may not yield the positive outcome that we are hoping for.”

“I thought you said we can bring him back.”

“We can. But, it might not be him who comes back.”

“So you compartmentalized, again.”

“Exactly.”

“What are you planning to do to him, Nick?”

“Have you ever heard of Project T.A.H.I.T.I?”


	27. Gamble

“So, you are telling me that you have some crap that can induce cellular rejuvenation and heal him?”

“Yes. It’s some pretty expensive crap too.”

                        Tony and Fury were babbling on about the project T.A.H.I.T.I and how it was going to work. However, the one thing that you understood was that Bucky had another shot at life. _2nd time’s a charm._

“Well how come I never knew about this? Hello? I feel out of the circle.”

“Stark, I keep my circles REAL small.”

“How small? Are we talking circumference, like maybe three-four people in diameter?”

“Okay, okay. Enough of the pouting, Stark. Fury, when can we begin the cell-juvination-Tahiti thing?”

“As soon as we can. If all things go as planned.”

“What things?”

            Fury raised an eyebrow at you before sticking a toothpick between his teeth.

“Fury.”

“Let’s just say that some things are better left unsaid.”

“Really? After all we’ve been through, you still have secrets to hide?”

“I’m still feeling left out.” Tony was pacing Nick’s office.

           

            Days came and went, work was a lot harder with Bucky’s replacement. Fury was keeping you on your toes and then you had another issue to deal with…(y/n). You remembered how she looked when you went to visit her after work, it was haunting. She had dark bags under her eyes, her hair hadn’t been brushed, and she wore the same pajamas for three days straight…she could’ve passed as homeless. Pepper told me that she tried to clean her up and take her out but to no avail. You wished you could just tell her, that Bucky would be okay. _Would he?_

            Fury stressed the importance of Bucky’s transformation, that he may not be the same guy he was. _He never was._ The way he might come out at the end might be detrimental to her. So, he asked you to bottle it up in case there is a chance that Bucky will forget everything since his death. If he does, then you wouldn’t tell (y/n) that he was alive. It would hurt her more than it would help her. However, if he remembers, then he could resume where he left off.

            _It’s a double edged sword._ Either way, he won’t be happy. The thought hurt you. You still couldn’t understand why he shot himself. _Did the Soldier make him do it? Was he fed up?_ That was another factor that could affect his outcome. If he purposefully killed himself, then would he even have the will to live when he comes back?

            You got up from your bed and took 4 more pills of melatonin. _I’m sleeping as well as (y/n)._ After laying back down, you heard your cell phone ringer go off. Nearly scared the crap out of you.

“This is Steve.”

“Rodgers, you may want to swing by headquarters.”

“Why? Nick, what’s going on?”

“He’s awake.”

“What? Wait, you already did the procedure?”

“Quick Steve, I don’t know how to handle him.”

            He hung up and you sprang out of bed. He sounded worried, that’s a first. You exited out of your house to find Stark’s Porsche parked in the driveway.

“Come on, my car is faster than your piece of crap.” He waved out of the driver’s window.

            It took you less than 30 minutes to reach headquarters. Nick was waiting for you at the main entrance.

“Where is he?”

“Follow me.”

            He led you to the elevator and after a long trip up, it opened to a floor you’ve never been on before. There was only two rooms in the entire hallway. One door said “T.A.H.I.T.I” and the other said “Patient”. Nick pressed in his code to unlock the door and you and Tony entered the patient room. The moment you walked in, you saw Bucky. He was laying on a hospital bed with an IV hooked up to him. The only thing separating the two of you was a giant glass window and a secure door. Nick turned to the two of you.

“I’m only going to allow Steve in. I need a debriefing.”

“Understood.”

            Tony remained silent and Nick led you to the door where he typed in another code and allowed you inside.

 

            The room smelled of baby powder and dentist gloves. You looked out to window, only to reveal that you couldn’t actually look out of it. His pulse beeped loud and true from the machine he was hooked up to, it was a wonderful sound. Then, you noticed the rise and fall of his chest. _You made it, Buck._ Inching towards him, you grabbed a white chair and placed it next to him. Sitting down, you grabbed his hand…his real one. It was warm. _Thank God._ You sat there in silence, watching him breathe, before finally speaking.

“Bucky, Bucky can you hear me?”

            His eyes rolled behind his eyelids and his lips parted slightly.

“Hey, can you squeeze my hand?”

            Sure enough, he squeezed your hand and you saw a very faint lift at the corner of his lips.

“Good. Can you open your eyes?”

            Slowly, he fluttered his eyes open. Then, he turned his head and looked at you. His face lit up and a smile crept over his mouth.

“Steve.”

“Yes! You remember. Hey, Buck.” You squeezed his hand.

“Did we win?”

“Win what?”

“The war, you idiot.” He laughed. “Did we finish off the Nazis?”

 


	28. Broken

_No. He, can’t be…._ Bucky was looking up at you from the hospital bed, waiting for an answer. Suddenly, his eyes grew alarmed and he sat up.

“We didn’t win?”

            You couldn’t grasp the fact that he honestly didn’t understand. He forgot everything. Bucky’s worried look grew more grave and then he began to search around the room.

“What is going on, where are we? Why am I-“

            He began to stare at his metal arm. Holding it up to his face, he moved the fingers and gave a slight gasp. Then his eyes darted, once again, to yours in worry.

“Steve, what the hell is this?!”

            His blue eyes were wide and confused, you reckon that your eyes probably looked the same. Finally, you mustered up the courage to answer his many questions.

“That’s your arm, Buck.”

“Yeah, I figured that out.” He stretched his arm in front of him and turned it over a few times before continuing. “But, why?”

“We were on a mission, you fell from a train-“ You stopped yourself. _Should I tell him about his experimentation? Should I tell him about the 70+ years of being a master assassin for Hydra?_

“Steve, what happened to me!? I’m huge!

            You saw that he had lifted the collar of his hospital gown and was gazing down at his body. Then, he ripped the gown off. Thankfully, the hospital sheets were covering his nether regions.

“Steve, what the fuck.” He was getting angry. Then his eyes lit up.

“Did-did I get that serum stuff that you got to make you all big?”

_He remembers that much, good._

“Buck, what do you last remember?”

“Well, I know that….wait. STEVE!”  


“WHAT?” You jumped at his reaction.

“Steve, I… I FELL. T-the train! I FELL!”

            He moved to get out of bed when you pushed him back down.

“Bucky, please. I need you to listen to me.”

“I am and it’s not making any sense! I should have died, why am I alive?”

            You slumped back into the chair and ran your fingers through your hair. _Damn._

“Buck, I don’t know any other way to break it to you. The war is over. It’s been over for more than 70 years.”

            He looked at you with furrowed brows but didn’t utter a word.

“We won. But, you were somewhere else during that 70 year period. Do you remember Hydra?”

            He nodded.

“You were their- uh- their brainwashed assassin.”

            Before Bucky could react, Tony came barging in through the door.

“Jesus, Rodgers. Even though I am notorious for being blunt, you, my friend, have taken the title.”

            Stark then looked over at Bucky and extended an arm to him.

“Nice to see you again. I’m Tony Stark, also known as Iron Man. You were dead, and now you’re alive. Welcome to the 21st century!”

            Bucky took his hand yet his eyes remained glued to yours in utter confusion. Shortly after he let go of Stark’s handshake, Fury walked in with a laptop in his hands.

“The two of you, get out. Maybe I should be the one who soothes him into this era.”

            You gave Bucky a reassuring look and then headed out of the room with Stark trailing behind. Then, the two of you watched as Fury worked his magic.

“James Buchanan Barnes. It’s nice to finally meet the real you.”

“Who are you?”

“My name is Nicholas Fury. Call me Nick. I’m here to help you, the same way I helped your friend Steve when he first woke up.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I figured you wouldn’t. So I won’t tell you, I’ll show you.”

            Fury opened up the laptop and powered it up before setting in on Bucky’s lap. He marveled at the screen and looked back at Nick in disbelief.

“What is this thing?”

“It is called a laptop. We will talk about that later. For now, you just watch what is on the screen.”

            Nick turned for the door and left Bucky staring at the screen. When he came back, he explained instantaneously.

“In the event that Barnes lost his memory, I had Natasha put together a documentary to help get him up to par on his self and his surroundings. It’s an hour long. And Steve, I didn’t include (y/n). I will leave that decision up to you.”

.

.

.

            After the long hour passed, you saw Bucky close the laptop and stare at the window.

“I want to talk to Steve.”

            You rushed to the room and back into the chair next to him. He looked over at you with tired eyes and viewed his metal arm again.

“Steve, I killed people and I don’t remember doing it. Tell me that this is all a joke and we will go out for drinks later.”

“I wish it was.”

“I went insane?”

“You were confused.”

“I worked for Hydra?”

“They brainwashed you.”

“I killed myself?”

“You…yeah. You did.”

            He ripped his watery eyes from yours and put his head in his hands. Then he lifted his head up again.

“My arm is gone.”

“Bucky-“

“We have internet and cell phones?”

            You smiled.

“Yes, we even have helicopter ships and wi-fi.”

            Bucky inhaled and chuckled to himself a bit. Then he looked over at you with a look that you haven’t seen in 70 years.

“As long as I have you, I guess. It won’t be too bad, right?”

“You will always have me. Till the end-“

“Till the end of the line.”

            You smiled at him and laughed to yourself.

“What?”

“I missed you, Buck. You were lost for a second there…I thought I would never get you back.”

“Are you kidding? I wasn’t just going to leave my best friend to get beat up in alleys with internet and ships that can fly. Somebody’s gotta save you.”

 

            Bucky remained at the headquarters for a week to be thoroughly evaluated before he was released. Throughout the duration of that time, you and Sam Wilson helped him better understand modern technology. Sam brought over his phone with his Marvin Gaye Trouble man soundtrack and it took him all day to grasp the idea that you didn’t need buttons to navigate through the phone. Then, you took him to the lobby and showed him how to use a microwave to heat up his food. Afterwards, you showed him the internet and how he could catch up on things through it. It was a chore, but he caught on rather quick.

            Your next task was to decide whether it would be best to tell (y/n) or not. After work, you asked Sam to check on Bucky at the headquarters while you went to the tower to visit (y/n). Later that day, you would have to bring Bucky home to your place and get him settled in.

“Well look who it is, Captain America himself.”

“Hey, (y/n). You’re sounding chipper.”

                        She had finally changed out of her over used pajamas and she even smelled nice. Her baggy eyes were still very noticeable but at least they didn’t look dead. Her hair was in a tidy bun and her mood seemed to get a bit lighter. Of course, you could sense a depressed undertone but she was healing.

“How are you handling things?”

“I’m moving out of this place soon. I found adventure with…him. But now, I’d rather just get a 9 to 5 job, and maybe get a cat…yeah.”

“(y/n), are you sure you want to move on?”

“Hell no I don’t. He was everything to me.” Her eyes began to water. “But, I can’t live my life crying and grieving for him. I’m strong. I will move on with my life and…and-“

            She succumbed to her tears and began to sob in front of you. You gave her a warm embrace and let her cry into your work uniform.

“You smell like him.”

“Do I?”

            She cried some more and then pulled out of the hug. She wiped her tears and stood erect.

“I’m fine. It will just take time. I loved him, and I’m not sure I will find love again. But, every second I spent with him were the best seconds of my life.”

            She mustered a small smile. Then her face lit up.

“Oh, I’ve got to show you something. I found them while I was packing my things.”

            She ran into her room and darted back out with a scrap book and a small black box.

“When we had a house together, he used to give me flowers every day before work. It was so sentimental…I pressed them into this scrap book and I found it.”

            She beamed at the book before handing it to you. There were tons of flowers pressed into it. Then, she opened the small black box and held it up to you.

“This is the necklace he gave to me on the night we first made love. It’s a red sapphire. I wore it only once and I kept it here because I was too afraid that I would lose it or break it.”

            You remember when Bucky bought it, he asked for your opinion on it. He was so proud of himself that day. A small warmth pooled in your chest. Then, (y/n) looked up at you with pain stricken eyes.

“I’m never going to forget him, Steve.”

            Later that day, as you were driving to headquarters, you began to tear up a bit. _I can’t tell her._  You realized that she was already mending herself, moving on. She is broken without him. Yet, now that they don’t know that either of them exist, they both have a shot at a semi-normal life. You imagined Bucky getting a job in the military or as a police officer. He could have his own car, his own pay check and his own life. You could see (y/n) working as an accountant again or maybe even the CEO of some major business. She could have her own house and own life as well. They could both be happy. Broken, but happy.


	29. Complication

“This is a bad idea, Rodgers.”

            Tony wasn’t taking a liking to your decision to keep Bucky away from (y/n). He had his arms crossed in front of him and his bottom lip sticking out in a definite pout.

“I agree.”

            Natasha was sitting at the mini-bar with a cocktail in one hand and the other in her lap. She glanced up at you with an incredulous look, as if you were making a horrible decision. You exchanged glances between the two of them with wide eyes. _Are they serious?_

“Guys, those two together are a ticking time bomb. They are both Hydra assets and combined they are one huge target. Plus, Stark, think of how much safer (y/n) will be. It’s only a matter of time before-“

“No. Rodgers. See, that’s where you’ve got it wrong. Sometimes safer doesn’t constitute happy. For peat’s sake, she’s my sister. My own flesh and blood. In all my life I haven’t seen her as happy as when I saw her with Barnes.”

“Would you rather see her on a gurney?”

“No, of course not! But, she’s just as much an asset as any of us. I have a billion dollar suit of Iron. Banner is a genius-green monster, Natasha is a trained assassin, and Thor is a freaking God… C’mon Cap. You act like they don’t fit in.”

“He’s got a point.” Natasha interjected. “I don’t think they have a shot at a truly normal life, Rodgers.”

            You sulked. They were right, but you were hoping that maybe they could life normally. They deserved it after all the experimentation and death… _Especially Buck._ You couldn’t imagine seeing him in a position where his life would be in danger again. For the first time you believed that the less he knew, the better.

“Guys, I want them to live a better life. I’m just trying to do what’s right.”

“I’m not sure what’s right about anything, but I do know what’s wrong. Keeping two people who love each other apart is wrong. Trying to force them into a life that isn’t possible is wrong. And, (y/n) finding out that you’ve been lying to her…is wrong.”

            Stark was right. You knew it but you just couldn’t muster up the courage to do it. It was a risk, one you didn’t want to take.

“I’m not losing either of them again.”

“Well, guess what, that’s not up to you. Shit happens, Hydra comes looking for their greatest assets and boom. They’re playing lab rat again.”

“Then we take out Hydra.”

“Cap, they are everywhere. Crawling.”

“Stop. Just stop. I’m asking that you don’t say anything to Buck or (y/n). Please.”

            After a few disgruntled and heavy sighs, they both nodded and you left the tower. You felt like a giant ass. Given, they were right about most things but seeing Buck or (y/n) in danger again due to something that was preventable just seemed ridiculous. Plus, if (y/n) did find out she might consider letting Buck be. She’s a smart gal, if she loves him like you do then she would probably want the same.

 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

            The apartment was nice. It was definitely an upgrade from the one your brother blew a hole into…the one Bucky first met you in. _Shit._ You shook your head, trying to dispel your memories of him. Besides, you needed to concentrate on unpacking and getting a damn job.

            As you were unloading boxes of important documents like tax paperwork and medical bills, a certain file caught your eye. It was a letter, from Doctor Anderson. The same woman who took your vitals for ‘the sake of science.” You read it before, it was a job request made by Nick Fury for your skills. However, that opportunity was kicked to the curb after Bucky nearly had a heart attack when you wanted to join. _He’s not here anymore._

_No, what am I thinking? I’ll get myself killed._

            You turned the idea of working for Fury over and over in your head. It would be like you took Bucky’s job, like you were finishing what he started. He wanted to do good and make up for all the wrong Hydra made him do. You could do it. _For him._

            Quickly grabbing your cell, you dialed the number at the bottom of the letter.

“This is Doctor Anderson.”

“Hey! It’s (y/n). I was calling about the letter you sent me a while back.”

“Oh, so nice to hear from you. I’m afraid I don’t recall the contents of the letter I sent, I send many letters.”

“It was a job request made by Fury. He wanted to utilize my gifts.”

“Oh! Yes. That was quite some time ago.”

“Is it, like, still open?”

“Absolutely. It’s not often we get super soldiers working for us. I will contact Fury and see that you can start as soon as possible.”

“Thank you, I appreciate it.”

“My pleasure. How is Mr. Barnes? I pray he is well.”

            Your heart sank to the floor. _She didn’t know_.

“He’s deceased. He died a few weeks ago…”

“Oh dear. My condolences. I’m very sorry.”

“Its fine, let me know when I can come in.”

            You hung up the phone before she could respond and gave a sigh of relief. Before you let your emotions dwell on the pain again, you dived into un-packing.

            As you were getting around the last few boxes, for you didn’t have much, you heard a rasp at the door. When you opened it, you saw Natasha standing there with a bottle of champagne.

“I thought we could celebrate the new place.”

            You smiled and let her in. _How did she find your address so quick? Oh right-she’s Black Widow._

“It’s comfy. I like it.” She ran her fingers across the marble counters in the kitchen and popped open the bottle.

“Thanks. We can also celebrate my new job.” You beamed with pride.

“That was quick, what’s the lucky employer?

“S.H.I.E.L.D. I don’t know Nat, I might be your right hand on assignments soon.” You gave a radiant smile.

            Natasha put the bottle down and gave a look of shock before quickly smiling and grabbing two glasses out of the nearest cupboard.

“Nat, if you hold your tongue any harder then it will bleed.”

“No, I’m just surprised. Fury doesn’t usually give out applications and…maybe it was a mistake.”

            Her words stung you. _A mistake? Why didn’t she want me to work for S.H.I.E.L.D?_ Before retorting _,_ you decided to let the conversation take another turn. After all, you didn’t want to lose the only female friend you had. _I’ll ask Steve._

_\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

 

            After visiting with (y/n) and getting slightly tipsy, you reluctantly left her new apartment. You got onto your motorcycle and rode down the street, just out of earshot from anyone. Then, you got off the bike and grabbed your cell. _Should I tell Steve?_

            You knew that Barnes was going to be working on missions alongside Steve again, but if (y/n) got the job then she would find out he was alive. _Aw, hell._ You put the cell back into your pocket and rode back to your place. Besides, (y/n) was your friend and she deserves to know that Barnes is still alive. She should be able to make her own life decisions, not Steve.

“Oh I’m going to be in so much trouble.” You smirked.


	30. Unplanned

            The next morning, you promised that you would go to headquarters and talk to Fury about your decision to let (y/n) and Bucky re-unite. You could lie to Steve, but if there was one person that you absolutely couldn’t tell a fib, it was Nick. _Plus, Steve will get over it once he sees how much better my idea is than his._ As you were brushing your teeth, getting ready to take off to headquarters before Steve got there, your phone vibrated on your bed. I was a text message from Stark reading, “Call me when you can.”

            The cell only rang for a second before he answered.

“Natasha.”

“Tony. You never struck me as an early morning conversationalist.”

“Yeah, I’m not.”

            His breath way shaky over the phone, his voice was a little less sarcastic and teasing than usual. Something was up.

“Then, to what do I owe the pleasure of an-“

“Long story short, I was with Barnes last night explaining how his arm works and all the mechanics and he said something that might make me think he remembers (y/n).”

            You took in a silent breath. His voice was strained, he must have gotten no sleep with this new information which is why he is up so early.

“What did he say?”

“Well, I asked him about the girls in the World War II era.”

“No surprised. Get to the point, I have to be at headquarters soon.”

“He got all sad and explained to me about a beautiful ______eyed, _____haired girl. He told me about how much he loved her and all that sappy junk. I figured he was talking about an old date, until I asked him what her name was. Then he got all confused and started freaking out because apparently he forgot her name.”

“You know that he could be taking about anyone, right Stark? For all we know he could’ve been an early playboy.”

“No Nat. He was, like, really confused.”

“Like Winter Soldier confused?”

“No, not that much. But he kept saying that she made him better.”

“Tony, where is he now?”

“He’s fine. Bottom line, I think Barnes’ memory is mixed with his old memories. How else would he have known there was a communicator in his arm? He shouldn’t have remembered, but he did but he said that my father put it in.”

            His voice was rushed and slightly worried. You knew that you could trust Stark, well, for this at least. You sighed into the phone.

“Your sister is going to work for S.H.I.E.L.D. Steve doesn’t know and I plan on keeping it that way. I’m going to headquarters to let Fury know before he contacts Steve about her employment. Meet me there.”

“Roger that.”

            Hanging up the phone, you squeezed the bridge of your nose. _I need a damned vacation._ _No, I need a damned vacation with (y/n)._ You began to think about the last time you had anything remotely close to a female friend. _There’s Agent Hill…but we’re not close._ The last time you had an honest friend was when you were in ballet in Russia. She was so kind to you…until they took her. _(y/n) is my friend._ The realization made you smile. You knew it wasn’t that big of a deal, but it’s been a long time since you had a girlfriend.

            Turning into S.H.I.E.L.D headquarter parking lot, your eyes immediately zeroed in on what look like Steve’s motorcycle. As you got closer, you saw that it was. _Shit._ You’ve never been late to work a day in your life, but for the first time ever you were running into headquarters as if you were. As you bolted for the elevator, you saw Steve and Barnes just getting in. Before you had time to turn on your heels and bolt for the door, Steve called out.

“Hey, Nat! You’re here early.”

            He held the elevator open for you. You walked calmly towards him and climbed in. _How the hell am I going to tell Fury now?_ Before Steve could sense your heightened nerves, you started visualizing Steve riding to headquarters with Barnes hugging his waist behind him. Smiling, you faced Barnes.

“Hey, I’m Natasha. Call me Nat.”

            His eyes lightened up and he gave a radiant smile, something you weren’t accustomed to seeing him do. He extended a hand with slight perspiration, indicating his nervousness.

“Hey, I’ve been told that we knew each other. Though I’m sure I would’ve remembered a pretty face like yours, ma’am.”

            You raised an eyebrow at Steve who looked absolutely mortified. He placed a hand on Bucky’s shoulder.

“Hey, uh, Buck. Remember when I told you about the one girl in town that you just can’t charm…you know, with the red hair.”

“Yeah, the one who could knock me out with one finger?”

            Steve looked over at you and Barnes followed his gaze. Suddenly his face turned bright crimson and he scratched the back of his head. You smiled back at him and then looked at Steve.

“One finger?” You placed a hand on your hip and smirked.

“My apologies. Can I start over?”

            You looked over at Barnes in amusement. “Hey, I’m Natasha. Call me Nat. We were never friends but now that you’ve forgotten we can start off on a better foot.”

            He took your hand with his metal one and then the elevator doors opened. Suddenly, your nerves were shot to a new height as you realized that you still had to get to Fury before Steve did. As the three of you were walking to a hallway, you were trying to devise a plan.

            You were inches from Fury’s office door when Steve’s cell rang. He answered it and instantly furrowed his brows. _What now?_

“What do you mean? I’m right outside your office door?” Steve took two strides and punched in the key to Fury’s office. There you saw Fury with his ear to his cell phone. Steve dropped his cell on the floor and gaped at (y/n) sitting in a seat across from where he was standing.

“Steve, Nick was calling to cancel the meeting. I have an interview...”

            Her voice cut off when she saw Barnes push past Steve.

“Damnit, Rodgers. When will you motherfuckers ever listen to my orders?”

            Fury clicked his phone off and calmly placed it on the table beside him despite his rash outburst. Ironically, your nerves calmed and all was left was to watch as (y/n) and Barnes stared at each other for what seemed like eternity. The room was silent and tense. You felt that if someone made a sound that an imaginary bomb would go off.

            (y/n) stood up and made a step towards Barnes. Then she turned to Steve and spat, “What game are you fucking playing?” Who is this?” She pointed towards Barnes who looked back at Steve in confusion. Just before he was going to reply, Stark rushed into the room.

“Sorry I’m late, I- oh shit.”

            Tony walked over to Barnes and placed a hand on his shoulder. Barnes flinched and looked up at him.

“Stark, what’s going on? She’s supposed to be dead.”

            (y/n) walked over to Barnes until she was inches from him. Her eyes were glossy, an indication of eminent tears and a shaky hand moved to touch his face. He grabbed her hand and stopped her. Then he turned to Steve.

“Steve, what is she doing here? Did she get injected with serum too?” He turned back to look at her. “I thought I left you back in the 1940’s.”

            Her eyes furrowed and tears spilled down her face. “B-bucky?” The moment he heard his name, he rushed over and embraced her. His right arm was around her waist and his metal hand ran through her hair. She stood there, in utter shock, for a brief second before wrapping her arms around him in return. You could hear her heavy inhale into his chest. You turned towards Steve, who was running his fingers through his hair and staring at the two of them. Then, Stark quipped.

“Aw, look at that! Yay, we can all go home now and forget that he ever died.”

            (Y/n) pushed out of the embrace and strode over to her brother. Suddenly, you watched her back-hand her brother across the face and then make her way towards Steve. He stiffened and waited for the blow but was met with something a lot worse. She pushed him back and gave him the most pained look you’ve ever seen.

“Steve, how could you do this to me? He was alive this whole time and you didn’t tell me?!”

            Steve wasn’t accustomed to being guilt-tripped. Usually he was beat up in an alley, or so you’ve been told. He couldn’t look at her. Then, she turned toward you.

“Nat, I thought you were my friend?” You moved over to her and she filched, as if you were going to strike her. You gave her a hug, which she tried to wriggle out of, but you held her in your embrace. Then, she leaned her head on your shoulder and sniffled.

“You we’re trying to help me, weren’t you?”

“Your brother and I, to be precise.”

            She turned to Stark and gave him an embrace before muffling a sorry. Steve gave you a sorry look, probably too guilty to be mad at you. Then, Barnes looked at Steve and asked.

“Why did you keep this from me?”

            He gave Barnes a sad frown.

“I thought you forgot her.”

“Steve, you knew her. Remember? But, she’s here.”

“Buck, she’s not from the 1940’s. When you were the Soldier, you found her and she helped you.”

“What? No, she…wait.” He turned to (y/n). “I don’t know your name.”

            He walked over to her and grabbed her cheek. “My name is (y/n).”

“That’s a beautiful name. So, everything that I remember about you from the 1940’s was real? Except, it happened now?”

“Depends on what you remem-.”

            Barnes leaned in and gave her a kiss. Suddenly, he backed out and looked her in the eyes.   
“The necklace? The time when you made me breakfast at your apartment? When I would give you flowers before work or when we made love for the first time?”

“Yes.” She was breathless, as if they fell in love all over again. Suddenly you felt a warm tear stream down your cheek and you wiped it before anyone saw. Then, you looked up at Fury who was writing on some paper at his desk. He looked up and said, “When you guys are done with your little re-union, go home. Meeting will be tomorrow. And, (y/n), congratulations. You’re now a S.H.I.E.L.D agent.”

“No she’s not.” Barnes gave Fury a glare and Tony gave a chuckle.

“Oh boy.”


	31. Breakfast

Everybody went home, well to the Avengers tower, as Fury suggested. The only reason Steve tagged along is because he was Bucky’s only means of transportation. You wanted to rip his throat out. However, if he kept Bucky away from you for the reason you thought he did, then at least it was understandable.

            Tony and Pepper began cooking breakfast, since it was still early, and dancing around the kitchen as Jarvis played music. Steve and Natasha were on the couch, talking about something that seemed pretty serious. You noticed Natasha placing a hand on Steve’s shoulder and he looked up at her and smiled. You felt sorry for him, but now wasn’t the time to make amends. Suddenly, Bucky withdrew you from your observation by picking up your hand in your lap and kissing it. The two of you were sitting at the mini bar.

“Well hello there, ma’am. Come here often?”

            You grinned at his remark. It was the same thing he said to you the last time you were at the bar with him. His ocean blue eyes peeked out from under is long brown hair and he looked at you expectantly.

 “Why no I don’t, it’s my first time here. Mind showing me around town?”

            His eyes lit up, registering the familiar remark.

“It’s weird. I remember these emotions towards you and I don’t know where they’re coming from.”

“What do you mean?”

“I feel protective of you. I don’t want you working for S.H.I.E.L.D or the feeling that you shouldn’t love me because of what I am. But, I don’t remember who I was when I felt that way.”

            You gave a chaste sigh and smiled up at him.  _I guess the Soldier may have loved me too._

“You are Bucky.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means that you are a perfect mixture of both who you were and what you are now. You are renewed.”

“I guess that’s a good way of looking at it. The best thing about all of this, is that I’m not that horrible person before I died.”

“You weren’t horrible. You were just broken and confused.”

“You loved that person.”

“No, I love you. You are and were a good person. I love the man who took his life in order to stop himself from killing Steve. I love the man who gave me flowers every morning before work. I love the man who turned my boring life into an adventure. Bucky, I love you. Despite what you were, you’ve always been you…just a little lost at times.”

            He flashed you a dazzling smile and grabbed both sides of your head. He leaned in for a kiss. His lips collided with yours and he ferociously attacked your mouth, forcing his tongue around it and leaving you breathless. There was a warmth between your legs and goosebumps rose on your thighs. He broke the kiss and his eyes sparkled, knowingly. Then, his eyes darkened and a soft smirk played at the edges of his lips. _Oh, looks like remnants of the Soldier stayed with him._ Before you melted into a puddle of desire under Bucky’s gaze, Tony piped, “Breakfast is served!”   

            The entirety of the breakfast was quite uncomfortable. The food tasted fantastic and everyone was talking, that wasn't the issue. Bucky's seat was to the right of yours and there was a direct surge of electricity pacing between the two of you. About halfway into the breakfast, after laughing at a wise joke made by Tony, you felt cool metal trail up the length of your thigh. Stiffening, you shot a worried glance towards Bucky who was looking at Steve in what sounded like an interesting conversation. Before he shoveled a forkful of eggs, he smirked as he moved his metal hand closer and closer to your nether regions. You continued to eat, trying to contain how uncomfortable you were alongside utter desire.

            He never touched you there, but instead he teased throughout the whole breakfast. You and Natasha opted to clean up and after people began to clear the building. It was a long, emotionally exhausting day. Natasha was first to ride off on her motorcycle to who knows where. She promised that we would take a vacation date before she left, which seemed like the best proposal ever. Steve left and gave you an awkward nod before, also, riding off into the sunset with his motorcycle. He left Bucky, assuming he wanted to be with me. Then, Tony looked at us wonderingly.

“So, are you staying for the night?”

“No, I have a place. Thank you for Breakfast. Oh, and Pepper, you make mean pancakes.”

            Pepper smiled and Tony looked insulted.

“Not my eggs?” He finished with a laugh and then added, “Actually, I’m not sure if I’m comfortable with leaving you two alone again. Hydra is still-“

“Fury has agents keeping watch at her apartments. Steve told me during breakfast, he was worried that something like that would happen.” Bucky grabbed your waist protectively.

“Okay, just be sure to text me every hour or so. You know, just in case.”

“I love you too, Tony.” You smiled before making your way towards the elevators.

            The moment you got into the car, the same electricity pulsed between the two of you. You drove only a single mile before his metal hand found its way on your thigh, giving it a tight squeeze. You gave him a side glance and saw that he was smirking, again.

“So, what do you want to do once we get home? I still have a bit of un-packing, not much, but-“

“I want to make love to you, again and again until I’m positive that you aren’t going anywhere any time soon.”

            You nearly drove the car off the road. His hand trailed a bit farther up your thigh and you glanced at him again.

“Is this World War II you or remnants of the Winter Solider?”

“Haha. No, I’ve always been this way.”

            The moment you parked the car into your apartment complex, the electricity turned into lightning. He leaped out of the car and moved quickly to open your side. Then he scooped you out and hoisted you over his shoulder before closing the car door with his foot.

“Bucky!” You squealed. “You don’t know which door is mine.” You couldn’t help but giggle.

“So tell me before I take you right here.”

“F12! F12!”

            You giggled like a school girl the whole way to the door. He swaggered up the stairs and managed to unlock the door without the keys. _Damnit Bucky._


	32. Don't let go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Sexual Content

 

            You opened up the door by smashing the door knob with your metal hand. _She’ll forgive me. I’ll buy a new one._ You took in the apartment, your new home. You strode past the marble kitchen, the vast living room, and into the hallway. (y/n) was still laughing as she hung upside down. You lifted her up and pinned her against the wall where she let out whimper.

“Sorry, did I hurt you?”

            She said nothing and pressed her face to yours with an eager kiss. You pressed your body closer to hers, holding her up as your hands pinned hers above her head. Then, you kissed down her neck, until your lips brushed over raised skin. You looked and saw a soft scar of a distinct bite mark. Flashbacks of the first time you made love to her replayed in your mind. It was at your house back in 1940, and you were making love to her so fervidly that you bit down into her all over.

“Bucky, what’s wrong?”

            You unpinned her hands and dropped her onto the floor. She looked completely confused and then worried.

“Bucky. Please, you’re scaring me.”

            You realized that she probably thought you were the Winter Soldier and instantly relaxed your body to show her that you were okay.

“I’m not him. I’ll never be him. I just had a flashback of what I did to you last time we made love. The bite marks…”

“Bucky, it was the best night of my life.”

            You looked at her through your long hair, which you actually grown a liking to. Then, she walked closer to you where she placed a hand on your chest and the other cupping your chin. She leaned in, for what you thought was a kiss, until she brought her lips to your ear.

“If you love me, don’t let go.”

            You grabbed her hips and lifted her up. Her legs wrapped around your waist and you kissed her deeply, as if your life depended on it. A small moan escaped her lips as she surfaced for air. Then, you began kissing her neck again. This time, taking extra time on the bite marks. Hoping that your kisses would heal them, you traced your tongue over the scars. She breathed deeply and moaned slightly over each one. Then, your feet began to walk towards the room with the French doors which you assumed was the master bedroom. As you were walking, she looked up at you and began to stare into your eyes as if she was looking for something in them.

“I could look into your eyes until the sun comes up.”

            You grinned and her face looked at you in awe, as if you were the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen. _Quite ironic, because I feel that way every time I look at her._ After opening the doors without breaking them, you kissed (y/n) again until neither of you could breathe. Careful not to throw her, you placed her gently on the bed with you on top. She kept her legs wrapped around you and intertwined her hands into your hair.

“Are you going to cut this off now that you are, well, you?”

“I’m beginning to like it.”

“Good”

            With that, she tugged slightly and a moan escaped your throat. You pulled at the bottom of her shirt and she unwrapped herself from you. Then, she tossed her shirt off and made her way to do the same with yours. You moved to undo her pants and, likewise, she unbuckled your belt and un-did yours. Finally, the two of you were stripped.

            She laid on her back and reached for you in anticipation. There was desire in her soft eyes, not quite like the hunger you were sure yours contained. Suddenly, another flashback of the first time you made love to her crossed your mind. The Soldier was giving you orders to kill while you were thrusting in and out of her. You bit into her shoulder to try and stifle the harsh thoughts. You weren’t gentle. _Not this time._ The rage you felt over the flashback fueled your hunger more so and you dove into her neck. You kissed the scars another time, then trailed down her beautiful chest.

“My darling, you are so gorgeous.”

            Trailing more kisses down her body, you reached her heat. You brought two metallic fingers into her entrance and she moaned out loud. _Such a pretty sound._ You began thrust your fingers in her again, hearing the sweet sound of her pleasure. With every wail she made, you got harder and harder until you’ve reached your peak. Then you took out you two fingers and positioned yourself on top of her.

“Are you ready, baby?”

“I am.”

            You slowly filled her with your length and she practically screamed in ecstasy. Her walls were tight and they closed in on you, making you growl deep in your throat. _My, she feels great._

Without skipping a beat, you began to move at a reasonable pace. Not too soft and not too rough. _I hate soft._ Her beautiful breasts bounced and teased so you grabbed them, causing her to moan your name. You picked up your pace only slightly. There was a coil tightening deep in your core, you were about to break. By the sound of her moans, she was too. So you grabbed both of her legs and rammed deep into her. She called out your name and you answered.

            All at once, the two of you came undone and you collapsed on top of her. There was a moment of heavy breathing as you both fell from your climax. You rolled over and had her laying on your chest. Compared to you, she was so small and fit perfectly against you. You wiped the perspiration off her forehead and tucked her hair behind her ear.

“What’s the probability that you will get out of this bed?”

            She gave you a knowing glance.

“Well…I may have to run out for groceries later…”

            You flipped her over again and kissed her. _You’re not leaving me._

“So, you ready for round two?”

            Then, for the reminder of the day, you and the love of your life rolled around in bed until neither of you could possibly go out for groceries. This is where you belonged. Whether it was 1940 or two thousand-something, right here by her side is where you wanted to stay.

.

.

.

            It took a great amount of convincing, but you agreed to let (y/n) work at S.H.I.E.L.D. After two meetings with Nick Fury, they came to an agreement. Under no circumstances would she work in the field if you weren’t present. Not even if Steve or Natasha were in the field. You trusted them, yes, but you don’t want Steve to make any rash decisions based on what he thinks is right. (y/n) was your main priority and nobody would protect her like she would. Plus, you knew she had your back too.


	33. Renewal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this fan-fiction as much as I enjoyed writing it! It's been a roller coaster. Thank you all for the Kudos ad wonderful comments, I have so much love for you. Looking for more Winter Soldier action? Read my other work titled "Among the Chaos"

            Your eyes flutter open, and you look out the window to see the sun hasn’t quite risen yet.  You look at your alarm clock and its 5:32 a.m. _Perfect, I got a whole two hours of sleep,_ you think to yourself while mentally rolling your eyes. At least today was a Saturday and you were off work. You felt like the weekend couldn’t have come any slower, for your work days were task full and relentless, leaving you feeling drained and empty come the day’s end.

            However, you were fulfilled. Every day on the field with Bucky was liberating. The two of you, together, took down Hydra facilities and became unstoppable. He always had your back and you would die if something ever happened to him, again. Every day, you woke up to fresh flowers and a beautiful person hugging your waist. It was absolutely perfect.

            You remember the day you first met him, quite similar to today. You used to crave adventure, something that wasn’t the same old-same old. With him, every day is a new journey and you hoped that it would be this way for as long as you lived.

            Your restless eyes found its way to the gorgeous man sleeping beside you. His lips were parted and you could hear soft snores coming from his mouth. His hair covered some of his face and you moved it behind his ear. _How lucky am I, to have you come back to me._ You watched as his chest rose and fell and he occasionally twitched his nose. Finally, the first ray of dawn made its way onto his face and illuminated his stunning features.

            His blue eyes fluttered open and were lurid in the morning light. He smiled and closed his eyes again.

“Good morning darlin’.”

“Good morning handsome.”

            He yawned and outstretched his arms over to you where he pulled your body into his chest and relaxed. You smiled into his shirt. You weren’t tired but remained in his embrace as he stayed still.

“Why are you up so early?”

“I’m not tired.”

  
            He kissed your forehead and then gazed into your eyes.

“You’re a sight.”

            You blushed. He smiled.

“How about some coffee?”

“Sounds excellent.”

“Okay, but you have to make me breakfast.”

            You kissed his nose and got out of bed to make him some delicious eggs, hash browns and pancakes.

            As you watched him eat you played with the red sapphire necklace hanging from your neck. You recalled the perfect night in which he gave it to you. Bucky coughed, disrupting your reverie.

“If you eat any faster, you’re going to choke.”

“Oh really? I had no clue.” He coughed again. You laughed at his sarcastic remark.

“You like that? I picked it up from Stark.”

“Sarcasm looks good on you.”

            He picked up your left hand and kissed it.

“Wanna know what would look good on you?”

            You lifted a brow. Suddenly, Bucky pulled a diamond band from his pocket and placed it on your ring finger. You gasped and looked up at him in complete shock.

“Marry me.”

            You jumped up and into his lap. You placed a billion kisses on his face and a lone tear streamed from your face.

“Um, is that a yes?” He chuckled at you.

“Of course!”

            It may have not been a formal marriage proposal, but you couldn’t have expected it to go any better. You envisioned your life with him: taking down Hydra buildings, raising a child or two, going on a cruise with Natasha…all while calling him your husband. And to think, that this was the same man who was once deemed a monster.

 

He was the Winter Soldier at one point, but today he is renewed. Winter didn’t quite fit him anymore, it was more like spring and renewal.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, I hope you are enjoying this random fanfic I decided to write. It's coming together pretty well and please don't hesitate to leave comments or suggestions! Thank you so much for taking the time to read.


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